The Treasure Map of Boys: Noel, Jackson, Finn, Hutch, Gideon—and me, Ruby Oliver

There's something about seeing a guy's feelings written down, something about him taking that risk and committing that heart to paper, that means so much more than anything he could just say.

Absorbing the fact that sometimes, people do cut you slack and forgive you and want you anyway. Sometimes they do. And when they do, even if it's not a happy ending, it is delicious

Do not think about guys who have broken your heart six ways. It is mentally deranged to chase after heartbreak.

I know they're not getting divorced or anything, but when your parents argue it makes the whole universe seem like it's tipping, like everything could change if they got mad enough at each other, like the world isn't a safe place. And of course, that's true, isn't it? The world is not a safe place.

How was I supposed to concentrate on my mental health when my therapist was encased in orange sparkle madness?

There was nothing I could say in retaliation except something that would confuse her.

8. Fact: It is a bad idea to date a known cheater, because even if he doesn't cheat on you, you will always know he's capable of it and will never fully trust him. Then you will become even more insecure and neurotic than you already are.

..we'll deal with it, because the good outweighs the bad.

See?" I said. "That's exactly the person I don't want to be with. And he's always there, underneath all your charm.

I just-I don't want to get involved with you Jackson," I said, the words tumbling out. "You're a nice guy, but then, when it comes down to it-you're not, really.

Everything he said sounded wonderful, but it wasn't true. I was desperately insecure and I did care what people thought. Jackson wasn't really talking about me. He was talking about an idea of me he'd concocted in his head. As soon as he remembered me and my true weaknesses in the clear light of day, he'd be as cruel this time as he had been the last.

Elaine Oliver is one of those people who thinks she needs to yell into a cell phone and cannot imagine anyone else might hear her conversation. 'I'm stiff from that yoga class Juana made me go to!' she was shouting, presumably to Dad. 'I did something to my groin area. ... Sure, you can massage it later.

Well me the real reason. I mean, haven't we been friends long enough that I deserve the truth?

Like my parents. That’s their life I just described—but then, there they were, talking on the phone about my dad massaging my mom’s groin area after yoga; cuddling on the couch; holding hands and wearing stupid Great Dane paraphernalia. That’s all we can realistically hope for.

Also, I was living in the middle of my parents' marriage. No one ever says this about families, and maybe people who aren't only children don't even notice it, but half the time I feel like I'm this extra person watching them have a marriage. They fight, they kiss, they discuss the inlaws, they do projects, they take down the Christmas tree and reminisce about things I don't remember, they fight some more-and it's all this personal stuff that I really have no business witnessing, except I have nowhere else to go because I live here. I'm just trying to eat my dinner and instead I'm in the middle of this grown-up relationship that is complicated and disgustingly mushy and sometimes angry.