Getting Over Garrett Delaney

You can die of a broken heart -- it's scientific fact -- and my heart has been breaking since that very first day we met. I can feel it now, aching deep behind my rib cage the way it does every time we're together, beating a desperate rhythm: Love me. Love me. Love me.

You’re not in love with me, not really, you just love the way I always made you feel. Like you were the center of my world. Because you were. I would have done anything for you.

When you look in the mirror, what do you want to see: yet another reminder of your hopeless attempt to be the girl of his dreams, or you? The answer should always be you.

I can't keep doing this to myself, getting my hopes up so high, only to have them come crashing down. I can't keep waiting for him to come to his senses, having my whole emotional state rest on what he decides. What if he never wakes up to how perfect we'd be together? What if I spend another year pining for him - or longer even? In a terrible flash, I see my future stretching out before me: waiting for his calls, rearranging my life around college visits, and decoding texts and instant messages like they could be something real, something true. This isn't love; this is pure torment.

The less time you spend dreaming up a world of happily ever after, the more time you'll have to actually live -- no evers or afters required.

Love isn't pain. Heartbreak isn't noble or romantic. You deserve better, so don't ever forget.

I need to find out who I am without him.

So how are we suppose to win? On the one hand, the world tells us that capital-L Love is epic, and all-conquering, and the meaning of everything, but on the other, it drills us with this message that we shouldn't make any sacrifice or effort to pursue it, because that would make us weak, unempowered, desperate, silly girls.

Just because people say something's great, it doesn't mean you have to agree, not if you don't actually enjoy it.

Just because they were soul mates doesn't mean they had to last forever. Just because they felt true love doesn't mean they couldn't have a new life after that love was over.

They probably have me up on a poster by now. Warning: this girl is emotionally unstable. Do not allow near hot beverages.

Don't write off a book (or person, or movie) just because it had a pink, sparkly cover.

And that's how it was with Garrett. Because he understood me, the me I wanted so desperately to be. Think about your best friend - how you tell them everything, how they're the person who knows you best, all your deepest fears and insecurities. They're the one you call when something amazing happens or when everything falls apart and you need someone to come over and watch movies and tell you that everything's going to be OK. It's not like family, who are obligated to love you and even then sometimes fail to be everything they're supposed to be. Your true friend has chosen you, and you them, and that's a different kind of bond. That's Garrett to me. I'm used to talking to him all the time, about the most meaningless stuff. To have him gone feels like a loss, an absence haunting me every day. Without him, there's just the empty space that used to be filled with laughter and friendship and comfort. Can you really blame me for finding it so hard to let go?

The truth is, I wished for the same thing I always do, when I let myself wish at all. Him.

Asphalt hurts. But not as much as abandoning your dignity.

Why am I doing this all over again? Waiting for him to choose me.

He'll never compose whole odes to my beauty and grace. He'll never show up with a boom box to reenact Say Anything outside my window. He'll never drive over at three a.m. because I'm sick and can't sleep and just want to feel his arms around me.

This is about me. And how I will never get to be one of those girls, no matter how much I hope and pray and want it.

Let life simply unfold, for once in your life, without spinning all those hopeful romantic fantasies. The less time you spend dreaming up a world of happily ever after, the more time you'll actually have to live- no evers or afters required.

(LuAnn) Whatever. That'll teach me not to build my life around a man whose favorite book is Atlas Shrugged. Listen, kid." She waggles her finger, as if scolding me. "Nothing good comes from Ayn RAnd. Trust me on this.

Garrett has been the best friend a girl could want, so how could I be so stupid as to think about shutting him out for good? I've been so busy thinking about my unrequited love, I haven't even stopped to consider the other, more important part of our relationship. Friendship. Ignoring him now would make him think I don't care, that I don't want to be friends. I want to get over him, not lose him for good! How must he feel, with me not replying to his texts and e-mails like this? What kind of friend am I?

I curl my fingers into my palm to make up for the fact that they're not wrapped around his.

The specter of unrequited love can strike at any time, reducing even the most fearless, independent woman to a weepy wreck

Can you really blame me for finding it so hard to let go?

Why do guys do that?" I ask. "Name their vehicles." "Ownership." He grins. I reach over and punch him lightly. "What?" he protests. "It's true! And it gives us something to swear when we break down in the middle of nowhere.

How is it?" I ask as we stroll towards the dressing rooms. "Working at the playground. That must be fun." "Sure, they're just adorable," she says, "For the first five minutes. And then I want to wring their adorable little necks." I stop, shocked. "I always figured you loved kids." "Yeah, no." Kayla shakes her head emphatically. "One kid, I can do, even two-- just stick them in front of a Disney movie, let them play Xbox all night. But a herd of them?" She shudders.

I wouldn't settle for the easy path; I would be someone extraordinary, no matter how hard it made things right now. But now, looking back, I wonder if we weren't just as bad as the bitches and cliques we made fun of, thinking we were different, above them all.

You'll call, and text, and time will fly by. You guys are solid, remember? Made to last.

I'm an evil, nature-hating girl now, but for some reason, that feels better than pretending to like things I don't. I'm done smiling and nodding along for some other guy's sake.