The Country of Ice Cream Star

All great works start with mistake. Ain’t no exception in this fact.

When I been small, once Driver told me cricket singing was the voice of stars.

Then my tears come blinding, and he lead me by the arm. I stumble in the elevator, thinking of that moon rain. Salt that last forever, grief that live beyond all life.

Yo, I feel this been the truth of all our time together. We always been a grief that huddle close against a vicious light.

Is only skew insanities, how God survive when we all kilt. How any person worship gods, when gods ain’t even brave to die.

I know, ain't evils in no life nor cruelties in no red hell can change the vally heart of Ice Cream Star.

You have to understand, it's how we are here. It's like we're all asleep. We grow up, we fall asleep, and then the horrors that scared us before - we're doing them. We're the monsters in the nightmare.

He wear a roo suit - grey-green dapple thing, ain't satisfy to be one ugly color, it be ugly twice.

I let my gaze sink to the darken ground. The moon pick out the bitty grass, can see a balden dandelion gray with night. And now first consider what become of Pasha's missing teeth. Children can lose teeth from hunger. Teeth bash out in war. No glad adventure lead to gappen teeth.

El Mayor drink twice and thrice then crouch down to the radio. He tweak its side, and its voice halt in silence. His shoulders ease. Then I surprise how my own fear relieve. Radio voice been like the voice of flies when your best child is dead.

So this be how I bring the cure at last to all the Nighted States, save every poory children, young to die. Is how a city kilt for selfish love, and rise from this same smallness. Be how the new America begin, in wars against all hope—a country with no power in a world that hate its life. Be what I seeing, when our Russian boat pull to the nighten waters, as the shore hush from me, drift away all worlds I known. See the shore and see the smoke of Quantico afar, and I comprehend, this all a country, and is mine. Pasha be by me, in his sorrow, talking how he bad for life, and I hold his hand in habit, watch my townie stars, the brushy land beneath their eyes. And I know, inside this final loss, I going to save this place. I be small in all this blackness world, this ship of drunken vampires, but through my hearten wounds, I living yet, and all my love the same. Nor death been ever arguments to me, I know my truth. I know ain't evils in no life nor cruelties in no red hell can change the vally heart of Ice Cream Star.

Sudden, he be grinning. Grin like this be bursting at him, happy bigger than his face.

BE A FOOLISHNESS OF LIFE, HOW WE FORGET OUR HURTS IN sleep—like they unmade there, taken back into the time before. We wake in stupid innocence. Then all pains flash to memory, and every cruelty be fresh.

How it can be, that Ice Cream ain’t existing anywhere. Will be no me to know that I ain’t there.

Pasha stalk beside, my monster fabulous and tame, and be like fleeing every worry to a secret hush.

I ride hard to fetch the roo.

Then, in this hour stolen from the war, our love be worse beyond. We cling together with no words, until our scary silence be another nakedness.

Be a foolishness of life, how we forget our hurts in sleep - like they unmade there, taken back into the time before. We wake in stupid innocence. Then all pains flash to memory, and every cruelty be fresh.

Yo, in this lost fight, he say, like daring me to fail, like mockery, You love me, Sengle? And I feel, this ain't no love, we be like ghosts in hell - like after death you lose your thoughts, but keep your body in a bliss of nightmares - and I say furiose, Ain't going to lie, I do. He press me down beneath him, say my name, and say he love me also. Then every terrify hate be gold. Darkness better than no light, and I creep out to solitary night and think of killing him, or how he kill me in some madness. Feel it ending so, is like a war must end with burning death.

First I think he going to kiss me, and I brace myself to bite. But he brush his cheek past mine, until I feel his heaten breath against my tender throat. I go weak in my blood, unwanten sorrows how is good. Run through myself in scary trembling, and when his lips rest to my neck, I take my breath in startle love.

Walking out to hunt at sunrise be like stepping straight from your own dreams into birdsong and dew. Trees seem higher. Gray shy dawnlight fill their rushing crowns from underneath. Pasha stalk beside, my monster fabulous and tame, and be like fleeing every worry to a secret hush.

How it can be, that Ice Cream ain't existing anywhere. Will be no me to know I ain't there.

Is nothing faithful in the world. Air itself betray.

My own heart's secrecy been his, my cat insanities of night.

Then I remember ice cream been a food I never taste. I wonder what my mama dream to name me for this food, as if she name me Something Lost.