Rebel Heart

All the time I’ve knowed you, Jack, you kept the door to that heart of yers locked up tight an the key hid away. Looks like she found it. He says nothing. Molly waits. Then: Keys ain’t her style, he says. She kicked the door down.

Don’t you dare walk away from this, Jack, don’t you dare, Molly says fiercely. Most people don’t ever feel what yer feeling. Be with her. An if it lasts one hour, one night, a week a month, it don’t matter. Be with her, burn with her, shine with her… fer whatever time’s given to you.

You couldn't find nobody more pig-headed if you tried, he says. An she's always thinkin she knows best, even when she don't, especially when she don't. She's prickly and stubborn an everythin you'd put at the bottom of a list if you was makin a... a list of that kind. Which I aint. I didn't. But? says Molly. But ohmigawd Molly, she shines so bright, he says. The fire of life burns so strong in her. I never realized till I met her... I bin cold my whole life, Moll. I know, she says softly. It's jest that... aw, hell. She thinks I'm a better man than I really am. Well, yer a better man than you think you are.

Saba! I'm afeared! cries Emmi. If you are, you ain't no sister of mine! I shout. Come at me agin! I ain't afeared of nuthin! She yells. That's more like it.

What happens to you changes you. Fer good or ill, yer changed ferever. There ain't no goin back. No matter how many tears you cry.

We like to think we’re in charge of our own lives, but we ain’t.

I know it's selfish of me to even think of sayin this. You deserve a guy who'll... pluck the stars from the sky and lay 'em at yer feet. I'm the kinda guy who'd step on 'em on my way out the door. I ain't got nuthin to offer you. He takes my hands in his. I jest want you to know that... How I feel about you ain't changed. No. That ain't true. It has changed. It's grown stronger. He touches my face. You run deep in me Saba.

I think of what we might say. Him to me. Me to him. I ain’t no soft girl. I don’t know no soft words. Be with me, Jack. That’s what I’ll say. Burn with me. Shine with me.

Whatever it is, I sure didn’t go lookin fer it. You don’t hafta, she says. If it’s meant to be, it’ll find you. We like to think we’re in charge of our own lives, but we ain’t. Not really.

Fer in our dreams we find ourselves. Who we were. Who we are. Who we can become. Sleep. Dream.

We ain't got time fer you to yell at me or fer me to tell you everythin that's happened, so I'm jest gonna cover the main points real quick an then I'm gonna kiss you, he says.

How could she resist them eyes? She tries, says Jack. Man, did she try.

Pa? You never said. What'm I gonna be? Good or bad? He kisses the top of my head. Whispers in my ear, so's only him and me can hear. You, my darlin daughter, are gonna be somethin else entirely.

he’s seen enough to know that you can’t kill all the badness in the world. You cut it down in front of you only to find that it's standing right behind you.

My heart breaks. I hear it break. I feel it.

Slim throws me a startled look. I aim my bolt shooter at him. Who am I, you sonofabitch? Helluva time for a identity crisis, he says.

No, you need to listen, she says. This ain’t Silverlake, an you ain’t the daddy. Out here in the real world, the person who knows what they’re doin is the daddy an right now, that’s me. So. Do like daddy says an shift that tasty butt of yers. Unless, of course, you want it shot off.

Be with me, Jack, I says. Burn with me. Shine with me. I'll stay till moonpath fades, he says.

We don't choose the times we're born in, he says. That's the business of the stars. The only choice we got is what we do while we're here. To make it mean somethin.

No, I says, He stole it agin. He's a thief an a menace an I'm gonna trade him in fer a umberella.

Life ain't black an white. People ain't neether. Family, friends, lovers. It's all a lot more complicated. The longer I live, the more I see, the less I know fer sure. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. So dry yer tears. Whoever he is, he won't be cryin over you. Men never do. That's the one thing I do know fer sure. Now, muck up them boots a bit.

The lies that lurk in the shadows of truth.

I'm gonna hafta kiss you, Jack, I says. I wish you would, he says.

I’m a fever in your blood now, Saba. As you are in mine.

Whatever’s broke, he says, I can fix it. I’ll fix it all. I promise.

I turn to Slim. Do I smell? I says. He throws me a startled look. Uh - Ohmigawd, I do. I smell bad. How bad? Go on, you can tell me. Well, he says, you don't smell as bad as some. But you don't smell as good as some neether. I knew it, I says. What'm I gonna do? Yer askin me fer advice? He shakes his head as he says, I'd remind you that I'm wearin a lady dress with no unders.

Oh, don't sit there blushin, he says, git on with it. Life's too short. Take her off in the bushes, my friend, an make her yer own. If you don't, somebody else will. Hell, I might jest make a play fer her myself. That 'ud put a rocket in yer pocket. Ha ha! How's about it, Red? You an me?

I close my eyes. My bones sob. Throb. I'm so weary with tryin to hold myself together. Tryin to hold back the darkness.

Travelling men make wide detours just to be in the same room as her. That's the most that even the best of of them can hope for. Molly Pratt, he says. Remind me, what's a heavenly creature like you doin in a dump like this? Servin rotgut to scoundrels like you, she says. An if you call my place a dump again, I'll bar you.

We're bein cut asunder, Lugh an me. Bit By bit. An it makes me think. It makes me wonder. Is this how he feels when he sees me with Jack? Do I look at Jack the way Lugh looks at Maev? Helpess. Throat bared. Hopeless.