“All the time I’ve knowed you, Jack, you kept the door to that heart of yers locked up tight an the key hid away. Looks like she found it.
He says nothing. Molly waits. Then:
Keys ain’t her style, he says. She kicked the door down.”
“Don’t you dare walk away from this, Jack, don’t you dare, Molly says fiercely. Most people don’t ever feel what yer feeling. Be with her. An if it lasts one hour, one night, a week a month, it don’t matter. Be with her, burn with her, shine with her… fer whatever time’s given to you.”
“You couldn't find nobody more pig-headed if you tried, he says. An she's always thinkin she knows best, even when she don't, especially when she don't. She's prickly and stubborn an everythin you'd put at the bottom of a list if you was makin a... a list of that kind. Which I aint. I didn't.
But? says Molly.
But ohmigawd Molly, she shines so bright, he says. The fire of life burns so strong in her. I never realized till I met her... I bin cold my whole life, Moll.
I know, she says softly.
It's jest that... aw, hell. She thinks I'm a better man than I really am.
Well, yer a better man than you think you are.”
“Saba! I'm afeared! cries Emmi.
If you are, you ain't no sister of mine! I shout. Come at me agin!
I ain't afeared of nuthin! She yells.
That's more like it.”
“What happens to you changes you. Fer good or ill, yer changed ferever. There ain't no goin back. No matter how many tears you cry.”
“We like to think we’re in charge of our own lives, but we ain’t.”
“I know it's selfish of me to even think of sayin this. You deserve a guy who'll... pluck the stars from the sky and lay 'em at yer feet. I'm the kinda guy who'd step on 'em on my way out the door. I ain't got nuthin to offer you. He takes my hands in his. I jest want you to know that... How I feel about you ain't changed. No. That ain't true. It has changed. It's grown stronger. He touches my face. You run deep in me Saba.”
“I think of what we might say. Him to me. Me to him. I ain’t no soft girl. I don’t know no soft words. Be with me, Jack. That’s what I’ll say. Burn with me. Shine with me.”
“Whatever it is, I sure didn’t go lookin fer it.
You don’t hafta, she says. If it’s meant to be, it’ll find you. We like to think we’re in charge of our own lives, but we ain’t. Not really.”
“Fer in our dreams we find ourselves. Who we were. Who we are. Who we can become. Sleep. Dream.”
“We ain't got time fer you to yell at me or fer me to tell you everythin that's happened, so I'm jest gonna cover the main points real quick an then I'm gonna kiss you, he says.”
“How could she resist them eyes?
She tries, says Jack. Man, did she try.”
“Pa? You never said. What'm I gonna be? Good or bad?
He kisses the top of my head. Whispers in my ear, so's only him and me can hear. You, my darlin daughter, are gonna be somethin else entirely.”
“he’s seen enough to know that you can’t kill all the badness in the world. You cut it down in front of you only to find that it's standing right behind you.”
“My heart breaks. I hear it break. I feel it.”
“Slim throws me a startled look. I aim my bolt shooter at him. Who am I, you sonofabitch?
Helluva time for a identity crisis, he says.”
“No, you need to listen, she says. This ain’t Silverlake, an you ain’t the daddy. Out here in the real world, the person who knows what they’re doin is the daddy an right now, that’s me. So. Do like daddy says an shift that tasty butt of yers. Unless, of course, you want it shot off.”
“Be with me, Jack, I says. Burn with me. Shine with me. I'll stay till moonpath fades, he says.”
“We don't choose the times we're born in, he says. That's the business of the stars. The only choice we got is what we do while we're here. To make it mean somethin.”
“No, I says, He stole it agin. He's a thief an a menace an I'm gonna trade him in fer a umberella.”
“Life ain't black an white. People ain't neether. Family, friends, lovers. It's all a lot more complicated. The longer I live, the more I see, the less I know fer sure. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. So dry yer tears. Whoever he is, he won't be cryin over you. Men never do. That's the one thing I do know fer sure. Now, muck up them boots a bit.”
“The lies that lurk in the shadows of truth.”
“I'm gonna hafta kiss you, Jack, I says.
I wish you would, he says.”
“I’m a fever in your blood now, Saba. As you are in mine.”
“Whatever’s broke, he says, I can fix it. I’ll fix it all. I promise.”
“I turn to Slim. Do I smell? I says. He throws me a startled look. Uh - Ohmigawd, I do. I smell bad. How bad? Go on, you can tell me. Well, he says, you don't smell as bad as some. But you don't smell as good as some neether. I knew it, I says. What'm I gonna do? Yer askin me fer advice? He shakes his head as he says, I'd remind you that I'm wearin a lady dress with no unders.”
“Oh, don't sit there blushin, he says, git on with it. Life's too short. Take her off in the bushes, my friend, an make her yer own. If you don't, somebody else will. Hell, I might jest make a play fer her myself. That 'ud put a rocket in yer pocket. Ha ha! How's about it, Red? You an me?”
“I close my eyes. My bones sob. Throb. I'm so weary with tryin to hold myself together. Tryin to hold back the darkness.”
“Travelling men make wide detours just to be in the same room as her. That's the most that even the best of of them can hope for.
Molly Pratt, he says. Remind me, what's a heavenly creature like you doin in a dump like this?
Servin rotgut to scoundrels like you, she says. An if you call my place a dump again, I'll bar you.”
“We're bein cut asunder, Lugh an me.
Bit
By bit.
An it makes me think.
It makes me wonder.
Is this how he feels when he sees me with Jack? Do I look at Jack the way Lugh looks at Maev?
Helpess.
Throat bared.
Hopeless.”
“It is said that the fear of public speaking is a fear greater than death for most people. According to psychiatrists, the fear of public speaking is caused by the fear of ostracism, the fear of standing out, the fear of criticism, the fear of ridicule, the fear of being an outcast. THE FEAR OF BEING DIFFERENT PREVENTS MOST PEOPLE FROM SEEKING NEW WAYS TO SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS.”
“He left through the patio door. He was not certain, but he thought he had proved something. He hoped he had made something clear. The thing was, they had to have a serious talk soon. There were things that needed talking about, important things that had to be discussed. They’d talk again. Maybe after the holidays were over and things got back to normal. He’d tell her the goddamn ashtray was a goddamn dish, for example.”
“Knowing I may never see the room again makes me look at it with fresh eyes. A fire glows in the hearth nestled into the back wall. A square, worn brown rug sits in the middle of the room. Two sets of bunk beds are arranged on either side of the rug. Only mine, the bottom bed closest to the fireplace, has the sheets tucked in and the quilt smoothed. As soon as the boys graduated from school, Mom declared them old enough to tidy up their own beds. And they decided they were old enough not to care whether they slept in tightly tucked sheets. We each have a wooden chest for our everyday clothes and shoes. The special clothes are hung in the large wooden armoire in the corner. Mother always talks about first impressions. I gnaw on my bottom lip and weigh the merits of all my clothes. Feeling confident is always easier when dressed in something special, but I hear my father’s voice replay in my head. I imagine the abandoned city street he walked in his dream. The two dresses I own won’t help me there. And even if the dreams aren’t real, I know in my heart pretty clothes won’t help once The Testing begins.”
“You'd help if you could, wouldn't you, boy?" I said. "It's no wonder they call you man's best friend. Faithful and loyal and true, you share in our sorrows and rejoice with us in our triumphs, the truest friend we ever have known, a better friend than we deserve. You have thrown in your lot with us, through thick and thin, on battlefield and hearthrug, refusing to leave your master even when death and destruction lie all around. Ah, noble dog, you are the furry mirror in which we see our better selves reflected, man as he could be, unstained by war or ambition, unspoilt by-”
“Did you feel me up when you were tying me down?"
"Um, no. Did you want me to?"
"Well, it would have been nice.”
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