Her Every Fear

One of the paradoxes of her anxious life was that in the midst of doing something slightly reckless, Kate often felt the most normal. It was as though her anxiety, always with her, was given a reason for existing.

Her hand was like a bundle of chopsticks covered in a layer of tissue paper.

It was a beautiful spring night, the air rain-washed and smelling of crushed blossoms, and Henry felt as if the muscles of his body were singing in unison.

It’s just a panic attack, an accidental surge of adrenaline. It can’t hurt you, or kill you, and no one will notice it. Just let it happen. Float with it. Ride it out.

As soon as the idea entered her head, she knew she had to do it. It was a compulsion she was familiar with: if she didn’t look, then there was something terrible in the storage unit. She needed to look to make that terrible thing go away.

A year ago, she’d half recalled a quote from an Agatha Christie book, something about how all killers are someone’s oldest friend,

She’d always loved horror movies, despite the traumas of her past and her own fervid imagination. They calmed her, in the same way that genuine apprehension calmed her. And they showed her that nightmares existed for other people, as well, even if those other people were fictional.

George in the park, the bullets barely penetrating his shirt. It almost made her smile that he’d followed her to America in her dreams. Of course he had. If her dreams were a realm, George was king for life.

Kate wasn’t surprised that he was in Boston—and she wasn’t surprised that he was still alive—because in her dreams he was always alive, and he was always coming after her.

Every fear is a desire. Every desire is fear. The cigarettes are burning under the trees Where the Staffordshire murderers wait for their accomplices And victims. Every victim is an accomplice.

Her dark hair was cut in a bob, and she was almost pretty, except for the lack of a chin. It was so noticeable that Kate wondered, for a moment, if she’d been in some kind of terrible chin-obliterating accident.