You Know Where to Find Me

Bruises mapped my body from bumping into tables and tripping over curbs while walking with a book in my hand, my eyes focused on the pages instead of the live space around me.

It's not the loving that hurts this girl; it's the understanding of it for what it is, that it will never be returned in the same way, that threatens to destroy her. But to unload the words - "I love you" - on an innocent party who didn't ask for it, to reach across the dark space and touch him - it's like the world she knows could end if she dared speak these words, dared make such a move.

Once upon a time, Sleeping Beauty decided to take a nap from which she would never wake up.

So much is happening and yet nothing at all.

Books. I'd probably spend all my time alone and lost in books if I could. It's easier that way.

So this chocolate princess. Her knight in shining armor is the Easter Bunny.

People are like that, judging you before they know you.

I understand why Laura did what she did. I think I'm supposed to be mad at her, but I'm not. I admire her courage. She saw what the world had to offer and said, No thank you. She saw the lies and hypocrisy and violence and hate and meaningless of it all and she chose another path. She won't live to see her grandchildren, but also won't live to see them suffer.

Without Laura here, food is the only thing I love that loves me back.

I'm not fine. Soon, the tears will come. I can sense them building in the pit of my stomach, coating the belly of candy. They will come when I am alone in the dark, in my own bed, with no one to comfort me. I will mourn Laura then, in private. A Category 5 hurricane is building in my heart and soul, but right now it's offshore, waiting to make landfall, waiting to crush me.

Let your thoughts run free, as if your mind is taking a leisurely Sunday afternoon walk through a garden in spring bloom. I stand in the hallway, mute. Alone. I realize: I must develop the ability to go the distance rather than just envy it. Don't speak unless you can improve on silence The truth is never as interesting as what people whisper about them It's because the dream is so perfect that I can walk away from it That blackness brought me out of the nightmare and into this morning's light

How come princesses always have some huge flaw that can cause their downfall?

I already know the words. I just need to learn the beat. This tone-deaf white girl will try to make music out of recovery.

Jealousy hot flashes through my body, a thunderbolt crashing through.

Say you're bored. Or you can't sleep. Maybe your mom is yelling at you, or the boy/ girl you like doesn't like you back in the same way, or you're too fat to even consider going to prom. Or the closet person to you since you were babies in the cradle together has killed herself. The usual stuff. Dread not. Don't be depressed. Be a junkie! You can't count on people to nurture you through the trauma that is existence. But you already knew that. Start by drawing the shades in your bedroom. Welcome the darkness. Lift the pill from your nightstand, clutch the water glass in your hand. Offer your divine thanks in advance. Be greedy-swallow the pill whole rather than spit it in half to spread the wealth for a later date. Dilution is wasteful. Savor the wholesome wholeness. Now lay down in bed. Close your eyes. Wait. Just a little longer.

Villains made no special guest appearances in our Once Upon A Time story games. They scared Laura and bored me, so instead we made up heroines with ghastly itchy skin but magnificent tresses of hair, and the occasional sleeping disorder. Those heroines had enough on their hands without having to worry about warding off true evil.

'Freedom.' He pauses a moment to reflect on the F-word. 'Sometimes I think it's an idea that enslaves us. We're never free from hungering for the notion that we can even have freedom. When perhaps it's the very idea of it that causes us to suffer.

I know there was no God waiting for her, because no God could have let her find Him this soon.