The Great Alone

It’s scary that people can just stop loving you, you know?

Love and fear. The most destructive forces on earth. Fear had turned her inside out, love had made her stupid.

life—and the law—is hard on women. Sometimes doing the right thing is no help at all.

like all fairy tales, theirs was filled with thickets and dark places and broken dreams, and runaway girls.

She saw how love could be dangerous and beyond control. Ravenous.

All this time, Dad had taught Leni how dangerous the outside world was. The truth was that the biggest danger of all was in her own home.

You know what they say about finding a man in Alaska—the odds are good, but the goods are odd.

A thing can be true and not the truth,

You have a child, so you know. You are my heart, baby girl. You are everything I did right. And I want you to know I would do it all again, every wonderful terrible second of it. I would do years and years of it again for one minute with you.

Leni saw suddenly how hope could break you, how it was a shiny lure for the unwary. What happened to you if you hoped too hard for the best and got the worst?

I’m so lucky to have you, Leni,” Mama said, trying to organize her cards with one hand. “We’re a team,” Leni said. “Peas in a pod.” “Two of a kind.” Words they said all the time to each other; words that felt a little hollow now. Maybe even sad.

A girl was like a kite; without her mother's strong, steady hold on the string, she might just float away, be lost somewhere among the clouds.

I think you stand by the people you love.

Like all motherless girls, Leni would become an emotional explorer, trying to uncover the lost part of her, the mother who carried and nurtured and loved her. Leni would become both mother and child; to her, mama would still grow and age. She would never be gone, not as long as Leni remembered her.

She knew the difference between fact and fiction, but she couldn’t abandon her love stories.

They were trapped, by environment and finances, but mostly by the sick, twisted love that bound her parents together.

We've lived weird lives," she said. "Maybe everyone does," he said, sitting down beside her, and then lying down, pulling her into his arms.

In the silence, Leni wondered if one person could ever really save another, or if it was the kind of thing you had to do for yourself.

Alone is overrated," he said simply.

She knew what nightmares could do to a person and how bad memories could change who you were.

How will I stop loving him, Mama? Will I .... forget ? Mama sighed. Ah. That. Love doesn't fade or die, baby girl. People tell you it does, but it doesn't. If you love him now, you'll love him in ten years and in forty. Differently, maybe , a faded version, but he's part of you now. And you are part of him.

this time, Dad had taught Leni how dangerous the outside world was. The truth was that the biggest danger of all was in her own home.

Leni got to her feet, stared at him. I didn't mean to do that. The same words she'd heard spoken by her dad.

Alaska brings out the best and the worst in a man. Maybe if you'd stayed Outside you never would have become who you are now. I know about 'Nam, and it breaks my heart what you boys went through. But you can't handle the dark, can you? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Most folks can't. Accept it and do what's best for your family.

All at once, it seemed, the leaves of cottonwood trees around the cabin turned golden and whispered to themselves, then curled into black flutes and floated to the ground in crispy, lacy heaps.

smell of vomit and mold and decay. His lungs and nostrils ache. He can’t breathe without gasping.

You know what I love most about you, Leni Allbright?" "What?" "Everything.