All Our Yesterdays

I tell her she's beautiful and perfect and she's going to be okay. I tell her she doesn't need to change herself to fit in with shallow girls or to matter to someone. I tell her everything I wish I had ever known. I tell her I love her, and I realize as I say it that I love me, too.

The truth is, the world is a fucked up place sometimes.

But progress is always dangerous, isn't it? Most of the time, walls don't get dismantled brick by brick. Someone has to crash through them.

Remember when you used to hate me?” I laugh-sniff-hiccup. “Well, you used to be insufferable.” “I think incorrigible is a better word.” I lean my forehead against the wall and let myself imagine for a moment that it’s his shoulder, warm and firm, beside me. “You’re so full of it.” “Hey, I just got tortured for you. Easy on the ego.

If you look like you belong, people assume you do.

Let me look at you.” I pull away and put my hands on his cheeks, examining his face. Blue eyes, of course. And how could I forget that mouth? Thin pink lips with one crooked corner always suggesting a mocking smile. My God, how had I never noticed before how handsome he is? “You need a haircut.” He rubs the side of his thumb over my cheekbone. “You’re beautiful.

I guess you can never really know what's going on inside another person.

I've been scared of so much stupid crap in my life. Making a bad grade or not fitting in. God, I was scared of you. And it was all such a waste. None of it matters now that the real scary shit is here.

But soon we’ll be gone, so this is my last chance.” He gives me a shy little smile. “I love you.

I squeeze Finn’s hand back, and my eyes fall closed. I feel something like the whisper of a touch to my face. Deep from the back of my mind, a voice that sounds a lot like my own speaks to me like a memory, telling me I’m strong and loved and that everything is going to be okay. And, for some strange reason, I believe it.

Time travel isn’t a wonder; it’s an abomination.

It's a silence I know. The kind that's actually a sound so loud your brain doesn't know how to interpret it at first.

Well, that was easy,' I whisper as we follow the little signs with arrows that lead toward room 126. 'No, that was very dangerous and daring, and it was only through my extreme charm that we pulled it off.

I almost regret having to tell him this. No one should be confronted with the depths of darkness they're capable of all at once.

How long have I loved Finn? It crept up on me so gradually, I don't know if I can even pin the moment down.

There are risks, but progress is always dangerous, isn't it? Most of the time, walls don't get dismantled brick by brick. Someone has to crash through them.

It's always been you and me, James. That's why I can't kill you, and you can't kill me. Because even if it means the end of the world, I love you too much.

It's time you started seeing how great you are, just like you wish Marina could see it. I mean, look at me. I think I'm fantastic.

I hate you,' I say. 'I know,' he says, and he holds me until I can breathe again. I pull away and wipe my eyes. 'Sorry,' I mumble. 'It's okay. I'm sure I'll deserve it one day.

If I don't want, I can't be disappointed.

I look down at the gun. It's jammed. Stupid semiautomatic piece of crap.

I quickly remember what Finn taught me about how to get what you want from people: pay attention to them, figure out what they want and what they're afraid of.

I tell her everything I wish I had ever known.

I watch James's face. His expression is an open book to me, because I took the time to learn the language many years ago.

I struggle to keep my hard, expressionless mask in place. The doctor's most powerful weapon has always been his particular brand of brutal honesty. Bruises fade, but words like that fester.

I stop, because a little piece of me can't help hoping. I turn to look at him, and know, to my shame, that he could break my resolve with a single word.

He's got it all. The lineage, the resources, the perfect presidential hair. He'd be crazy not to run.

How can you be so cruel?' 'You'll find out.

When it comes to James Shaw, it seems, I will never learn.