Paladin's Hope

All I want in life is to have a sexy man make passionate love to me, eat a nice meal together, and then I'll leave to go chop up corpses. Is that really so much to ask?

I never used to find competence so arousing. Probably because there’s so little of it in the world.

The spirit was willing, but the spongiform erectile tissue was weak.

Doctor Piper dealt with corpses and for the most part, he preferred them to the living. He didn’t mind living people, he was perfectly happy to meet them and talk to them and even work with them, but corpses never, ever asked stupid questions.

Once a thing is made, it exists in the mind of the world. The next one is easier to make, and the next one after that. ... "The first takes a twisted genius. The hundredth can be done by any blacksmith. It is why our first lesson is always be careful of what you make.

The thing that no one warned you about insanity was how incredibly tedious it was. You were always having to explain yourself and apologize, over and over, and you got so tired of being crazy.

Maybe a hero is just what we call someone who doesn’t have the sense to stop before they destroy themselves.

What are you getting squeamish about? asked Piper. You've seen dead bodies. You've made dead bodies. Yes, but I didn't poke around in them afterwards.

I've killed so many people. You have no idea." / "I've died a hundred times. [...] I'm not afraid of you.

Tell people you wished you were dead, though, and they thought you were suicidal. It was too much trouble to try to explain that you were fine being alive, you just envied the dead their composure.

If they’d just get better care immediately afterward…but no, everybody gets it in their head that childbirth is natural and any fool could do it. Cows give birth, so why not people? And so I see more new mothers on the slab, or old women who have been living with something like this for years…

A gnole’s compassion does not require fur.

Why on earth did I never ask Earstripe what is resting heartrate was?" "It's not the sort of thing that comes up in casual conversation." "It should." His gaze suddenly sharpened. "My god, Galen. You look like hammered shit." "But sexy hammered shit, right?

Same thing.” He took a deep breath, clearly choosing his words carefully. “A gnole’s compassion does not require fur.

It’s what the Rat does,” said Galen, with bleak amusement. “They solve problems.

Eventually, he went to prayer and the bottle, the two great comforters of humanity since the discovery of gods and yeasts.

Well, if you want my professional opinion, this great goddamn hole in his chest is probably what killed him.

If you have any enemies I'll kill them and you can dissect them. Would you like that?

How about that I don’t deserve you and I don’t deserve to be as happy as you make me, but I’m just enough of a bastard to try to grab onto something I don’t deserve?

That’s how it works,” said Piper gently. “You hurt each other and you apologize and you learn better.

said Galen, faintly amused. Brindle said it frequently. As far as Galen could tell, gnoles viewed humanity as a race of ignorant, powerful toddlers, some of which were likable enough, but none of which were particularly bright.

Did you know that there's erectile tissue inside your nose?" asked Galen. The healer stared at him as if he'd lost his mind. "Is yours giving you trouble?" she asked finally. "I'm honestly not sure.

Granted, Piper’s dating history was not particularly extensive and he had always been terrible at pursuing other men, but he was still pretty sure that the morgue wasn’t the place where you were supposed to start.

He had a sudden intense wish to confess his sins and be absolved. A priest would have been nice. Another paladin would have been even better. Unfortunately he had a gnole and a doctor, one of whom probably wouldn’t be impressed by his sins and the other of which featured far too prominently in them.

The pleasure is mine,” lied Tamsin with a straight face. “I am certain I will see you again, in the course of our respective duties.” If that was also meant as a veiled threat, Piper did not react to it. He smiled and said, “We lich-doctors do see everyone…eventually. Good day, Commander

So what do we do now?" asked Piper, taking several steps back. "I'm going to fight it," said Galen. "Obviously.

Start thinking you have the right to do things to people's bodies in a good cause, and you're halfway to hell and picking up speed.

Also that a human’s boot had been cleaner.” “Next time we’re in a maze of death traps, I’ll wear better footwear.