Quotes from Carpe Jugulum

“And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn’t do good for people, she did right by them.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“Everywhere I look, I see something holy.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“Don't do anything I wouldn't do, if you ever find anything I wouldn't do.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they're getting worried that they won't like the truth.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“She was not, herself, hugely in favor of motherhood in general. Obviously it was necessary, but it wasn't exactly difficult. Even cats managed it. But women acted as if they'd been given a medal that entitled them to boss people around. It was as if, just because they'd got the label which said "mother", everyone else got a tiny part of the label that said "child"...”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“The smug mask of virtue triumphant could be almost as horrible as the face of wickedness revealed.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“Any fool could be a witch with a runic knife, but it took skill to be one with an apple corer.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“Supposing there was justice for all, after all? For every unheeded beggar, every harsh word, every neglected duty, every slight... every choice... Because that was the point, wasn't it? You had to choose. You might be right, you might be wrong, but you had to choose, knowing that the rightness or wrongness might never be clear or even that you were deciding between two sorts of wrong, that there was no right anywhere. And always, always, you did it by yourself. You were the one there, on the edge, watching and listening. Never any tears, never any apology, never any regrets... You saved all that up in a way that could be used when needed.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“Carpe Jugulum," read Agnes aloud. "That's... well, Carpe Diem is 'Sieze the Day,' so this means-"
"Go for the throat”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“This is Morbidia," said Vlad. "Although she's been calling herself Tracy lately, to be cool.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“As the eye of narrative drew back from the coffin on its stand, two things happened. One happened comparatively slowly, and this was Vargo's realisation that he never recalled the coffin having a pillow before.
The other was Greebo deciding that he was as mad as hell and wasn't going to take it any more.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“Oh, we're always all right. You remember that. We happen to other people.
-Nanny Ogg”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“My granny used to say if you’re too sharp you’ll cut yourself,”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“Don’t trust the cannibal just ’cos he’s usin’ a knife and fork!”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“All witches who'd lived in her cottage were bookish types. They thought you could see life through books but you couldn't, the reason being that the words got in the way.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“Mistress Weatherwax, you are a natural disputant.” “No I ain’t!”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“... all reputable falconers agreed that for hunting purposes the only way you could reliably bring down prey with a wowhawk was by using it in a slingshot.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“I never understood that story, anyway,” said Nanny. “I mean, if I knew I’d got a heel that would kill me if someone stuck a spear in it, I’d go into battle wearing very heavy boots—”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“A philosopher might have deplored this lack of mental ambition, but only if he was really certain about where his next meal was coming from.
In fact Lancre's position and climate bred a hard-headed and straightforward people who often excelled in the world down below. it had supplied the planins with many of their greatest wizards and witches and, once again, the philospher might have marveled that such a four-square people could give the world so many successful magical practitioners, being quite unaware that only those with their feet on rock can build castles in the air.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“Once you gave a thing a name you gave it a life.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“...they wore their hair long like a poet who hopes that romantically flowing locks will make up for a wretched inability to find a rhyme for “daffodil.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“Things were simpler then. And also very, very stupid.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“This is Lancre we’re talkin’ about. If we was men, we’d be talking about layin’ down our lives for the country. As women, we can talk about laying down.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“…We were born vampires."
"I thought you became –"
"— vampires by being bitten? Dear me, no. Oh, we can turn people into vampires, it’s an easy technique, but what would be the point? When you eat… now what is it you eat? Oh yes, chocolate… you don’t want to turn it into another Agnes Nitt, do you? Less chocolate to go around."
He sighed. "Oh dear, superstition, superstition everywhere we turn.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“The Weatherwax women have always had one foot in shadow. It's in the blood. And most of their power comes from denying it.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“The reward for toil had been more toil. If you dug the best ditches, they gave you a bigger shovel.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

“There was practically nothing that he wouldn’t attack, including architecture.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Carpe Jugulum

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Popular quotes

“I told you I was powerful—not my fault you failed to listen. I’m helping fight the Hunters now and you’ll be lucky if my aim doesn’t accidently-on-purpose veer and kill you. In fact, I don’t think I’ll wait for you.” She glanced over at the tunnels and counted with a point of her finger. “See you in the…second one over, sweetcakes. That’s where the biggest, baddest Hunter was, last time I checked. I’ll just pretend he’s you and nail his ass to the wall.”
― Gena Showalter, quote from The Darkest Kiss

“Sometimes we don’t get second chances, Owen. Sometimes things just end.”

He winces. “We didn’t even get a first chance.”
― Colleen Hoover, quote from Confess

“Call themselves?" asked Yama. "You are wrong, Sam, Godhood is more than a name. It is a condition of being. One does not achieve it merely by being immortal, for even the lowliest laborer in the fields may achieve continuity of existence. Is it then the conditioning of an Aspect? No. Any competent hypnotist can play games with the self-image. Is it the raising up of an Attribute? Of course not. I can design machines more powerful and more accurate than any faculty a man may cultivate. Being a god is the quality of being able to be yourself to such an extent that your passions correspond with the forces of the universe, so that those who look upon you know this without hearing your name spoken. Some ancient poet said that the world is full of echoes and correspondences. Another wrote a long poem of an inferno, wherein each man suffered a torture which coincided in nature with those forces which had ruled his life. Being a god is being able to recognize within one's self these things that are important, and then to strike the single note that brings them into alignment with everything else that exists. Then, beyond morals or logic or esthetics, one is wind or fire, the sea, the mountains, rain, the sun or the stars, the flight of an arrow, the end of a day, the clasp of love. One rules through one's ruling passions. Those who look upon gods then say, without even knowing their names, 'He is Fire. She is Dance. He is Destruction. She is Love.' So, to reply to your statement, they do not call themselves gods. Everyone else does, though, everyone who beholds them."
"So they play that on their fascist banjos, eh?"
"You choose the wrong adjective."
"You've already used up all the others.”
― Roger Zelazny, quote from Lord of Light

“Someone broke from the scrum and, punching and kicking, staggered towards the Klatchian goal.

"Isn't that man your butler?" said Ahmed.

"Yes."

"One of your soldiers said he bit a man's nose off."

Vimes shrugged. "He's got a very pointed look if I don't use the sugar tongs, I know that.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Jingo

“Stalking the girls' softball team again?”
― Laurie Faria Stolarz, quote from Deadly Little Secret

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