Quotes from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“She wasn't the only one to be physically morphed by reader expectation. Miss Havisham was now elderly whether she liked it or not, and Sherlock Holmes wore a deerstalker and smoked a ridiculously large pipe. The problem wasn't just confined to the classics. Harry Potter was seriously pissed off that he'd have to spend the rest of life looking like Daniel Radcliffe.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“Fanfiction isn't copying - it's a celebration. One long party, from the first capital letter to the last full stop!”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day your toes fall off and you can't walk to the bathroom.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“the Real-World was a sprawling mess of a book in need of a good editor.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“...the landscape inside Lord of the Rings was so stunning and so stupendous that it could be absorbed as a form of nourishment.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“Don't move," said Sprockett."Mimes don't generally attack unless they are threatened.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“Literature is claimed to be a mirror of the world,” I said, “but the Outlanders are fooling themselves. The BookWorld is as orderly as people in the RealWorld *hope* their own world to be—it isn’t a mirror, it’s an aspiration.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“Humans are the most gloriously bizarre creatures.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“To fail spectacularly is a loser's paradise.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“This is our siblings of more famous BookWorld Personalities self-help group expalined Loser (Gatsby). That's Sharon Eyre, the younger and wholly disreputable sister of Jane; Roger Yossarian, the draft dodger and coward; Rupert Bond, still a virgin and can't keep a secret; Tracy Capulet, who has slept her way round Verona twice; and Nancy Potter, who is a Muggle.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“Journeys up the Metaphoric River are hugely enjoyable and highly recommended. Since every genre is nourished by its heady waters, a paddle steamer can take even the most walk-shy tourists to their chosen destination. As a bonus, there is traditionally at least one murder on board each trip--a "consideration" to the head steward will ensure that it is not you.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“...being written by someone who might not quite understand the subconscious nuance of the character leaves us in varying degrees of flatness.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“A good butler should save his employer's life at least once a day.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“That's the big difference between [the BookWorld] and [the RealWorld]," said Plum. "When things happen after a randomly pointless event, all that follows is simply unintended consequences, not a coherent narrative thrust that propels the story forward."

I rolled the idea of unintended consequences around in my head. "Nope, I said finally, "you've got me on that one."

"It confuses me, too," admitted Plum, "but that's the RealWorld for you. A brutal and beautiful place, run for the most part on passion, fads, incentives, and mathematics. A lot of mathematics.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“This is Fiction, and the truth is whatever you make it. You can interpret the situation in any way you want, and all of the scenarios could be real -- and what's more, depending on how you act now, any one of them could become real.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“Don't anyone move. . . I think we've driven into a mimefield.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“On one memorable occasion Vronsky played all the parts in an abridged version of Anna Karenina when the rest of the cast were on strike for more blinis.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“There is much unexplained in the world. It behoves one to be wary at all times. Just when you think you've got the hang of it, along comes string theory, collateralised debt obligations or Björk's new album, and bam! You're as confused as you were when you first started.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“Vanity's contribution to Fiction in general was an abundance of cheap labour and the occasional blockbuster, which was accepted into Fiction with an apologetic 'gosh, don't know how that happened'.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“The trip back home was uneventful and over in only twelve words.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“I'm sure it's not all hot buttered crumpets out there in the breathing world of asphalt and heartbeats.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“Really?” I asked, which is probably the only answer to anything in Conspiracy.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“I can get a table at the Inn Uendo. The maîtred’ is missing a space, and I promised to give her one.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“Clarke’s Second Law of Egodynamics: “For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“Punching goblins, replied Sprockett soothingly, while offering short-term relief, has no long-term beneficial value”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“It has been long proved that everyone needs a butler.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“Humans are more or less identical except for a few peculiar habits generally delineated by geographic circumstances and historical precedent. But essentially, they´re all identical and reading from the same rulebook. To get along you have to appreciate the rules, but also know that other people know the rules - and that they know that you know the rules. Get it?”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“About ten degrees upslope of Fiction, I could see our nearest neighbor: Artistic Criticism. It was an exceptionally beautiful island, yet deeply troubled, confused and suffused with a blanketing layer of almost impenetrable bullshit.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

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