Quotes from The Wide Window

Lemony Snicket ·  214 pages

Rating: (132.6K votes)


“If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab the painting and take it there. But if you were very, very hungry, and you had no way of obtaining money, it would be excusable to grab the painting, take it to your house, and eat it.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“There are few sights sadder than a ruined book.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“Just because something is typed-whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book-this does not mean that it is true.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window



“Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows, they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“Grammar is the greatest joy in life, don't you find?”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“Frustration is an interesting emotional state, because it tends to bring out the worst in whoever is frustrated.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“It dawned on them that unlike Aunt Josephine, who had lived up in that house, sad and alone, the three children had one another for comfort and support over the course of their miserable lives. And while this did not make them feel entirely safe, or entirely happy, it made them feel appreciative.

They leaned up against one another appreciatively, and small smiles appeared on their damp and anxious faces. They had each other. I'm not sure that "The Beaudelaires had each other" is the moral of this story, but to the three siblings it was enough. To have each other in the midst of their unfortunate lives felt like having a sailboat in the middle of a hurricane, and to the Beaudelaire orphans this felt very fortunate indeed.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“It is very easy to say that the important thing is to try your best, but if you are in real trouble the most important thing is not trying your best, but getting to safety.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window



“...she was so afraid of everything that she made it impossible to really enjoy anything at all.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“Count Olaf certainly does sound evil. Imagine forcing children to stand near a stove!”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“The only thing he cares about.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“If you were upset about an ugly pimple on the end of your nose, you might try to feel better by keeping your pimple in perspective. You might compare your pimple situation to that of someone who was being eaten by a bear, and when you looked in the mirror at your ugly pimple, you could say to yourself, 'Well, at least I'm not being eaten by a bear.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“Frustration is an interesting emotional state, because it tends to bring out the worst in whoever is frustrated. Frustrated babies tend to throw food and make a mess. Frustrated citizens tend to execute kings and queens and make a democracy. And frustrated moths tend to bang up against lightbulbs and make light fixtures all dusty.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window



“There are two kinds of fears; rational and irrational - or, in simple terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't. For instance, the Baudelaire orphans have a fear of Count Olaf, which makes perfect sense, because he is an evil man who wants to destroy them. But if they were afraid of lemon meringue pie, this would be an irrational fear, because lemon meringue pie is delicious and has never hurt a soul. Being afraid of a monster under the bed is perfectly rational, because there may in fact be a monster under your bed at any time, ready to eat you all up, but a fear of realtors is an irrational fear. Realtors, as I'm sure you know, are people who assist in the buying and selling of houses. Besides occasionally wearing an ugly yellow coat, the worst a realtor can do to you is show you a house that you find ugly, and so it is completely irrational to be terrified of them.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“For Beatrice- I would much prefer it if you were alive and well.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“Business cards, of course, are not proof of anything. Anyone can go to a print shop and have cards made that say anything they like. The king of Denmark can order business cards that say he sells golf balls. Your dentist can order business cards that say she is your grandmother. In order to escape from the castle of an enemy of mine, I once had cards printed that said I was an admiral in the French navy. Just because something is typed - whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book - this does not mean it is true.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“But even if they could go home it would be difficult for me to tell you what the moral of the story is. In some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears', for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house". The moral of 'Snow White' is "Never eat apples". The moral of World War One is "Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“There are few sights sadder than a ruined book, but Klaus had no time to be sad.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window



“Their adventure would be exciting and memorable lie being chased by a werewolf through a field of thorny bushes at midnight with nobody around to help you.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“As I’m sure you know, to be in one’s own room, in one’s own bed, can often make a bleak situation a little better.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“For although Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire were about to experience events that would be both exciting and memorable, they would not be exciting and memorable like having your fortune told or going to a rodeo. Their adventure would be exciting and memorable like being chased by a werewolf through a field of thorny bushes at midnight with nobody around to help you.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“Never trust anyone without a book.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“Yes,' she said, in a faraway voice, 'he was my husband, but he was much more than that. He was my best friend, my partner in grammar, and the only person I knew who could whistle with crackers in his mouth.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window



“But you can't invent things like time,' Violet said. 'You can invent things like automatic popcorn poppers. You can invent things like steam-powered window waster. But you can't invent more time.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“I will thank you not to be impertinent," said Aunt Josephine, using a word which here means "pointing out that I'm wrong, which annoys me".”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“There are men and women who are experts in the field of handwriting analysis. They are called graphologists, and they attend graphological schools in order to get their degrees in graphology. You might think that this situation would call for a graphologist, but there are time when an expert's opinion in unnecessary. For instance, if a friend of yours brought you her pet dog, and said she was concerned because it wasn't laying eggs, you would not have to be a veterinarian to tell her that dogs do not lay eggs and so there was nothing to worry about.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“I have seen many amazing things in my long and troubled life history. I have seen a series of corridors built entirely out of human skulls. I have seen a volcano erupt and send a wall of lava crawling towards a small village. I have seen a women I loved picked up by an enormous eagle and flown to its high mountain next. But I still cannot imagine what it was like to watch Aunt Josephine's house topple into Lake Lachrymose.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window


“The good people who are publishing this book have a concern that they have expressed to me. The concern is that readers like yourself will read my history of the Baudelaire orphans and attempt to imitate some of the things they do. So at this point in the story, in order to mollify the publishers - the word 'mollify' here means 'get them to stop tearing their hair out in worry' - please allow me to give you a piece of advice, even though I don't know anything about you. The piece of advice is as follows: If you ever need to get to Curdled Cave in a hurry, do not, under any circumstances, steal a boat and attempt to sail across Lake Lachrymose during a hurricane, because it is very dangerous and the chance of your survival are practically zero.”
― Lemony Snicket, quote from The Wide Window



About the author

Lemony Snicket
Born place: in San Francisco, The United States
See more on GoodReads

Popular quotes

“But why is it so hard to forgive?' Mrs. Conners asked.

'Pride,' Dad said. 'This person has already wronged you in some way, and now you are the one who has to swallow your pride, give something up, in order to forgive him.”
― Bree Despain, quote from The Dark Divine


“I may have been dead for the past hundred and fifty years, Susannah,...but that doesn't mean I don't know how people say good night. And generally, when people say good night, they keep their tongues to themselves.”
― Meg Cabot, quote from Ninth Key


“But do I need to say anything?" Sophie asked. "Do I need to learn any words?"
"Like what?" Saint-Germain said.
"Well, when you lit up the Eiffel tower, you said something that sounded like eggness."
"Ignis," the count said. "Latin for fire. No, you don't need to say anything."
"Then why did you do it, then?" Sophie asked.
Saint-Germain grinned. "I just thought it sounded cool.”
― Michael Scott, quote from The Magician


“The sands drift always, yet the desert remains the same.”
― Tamora Pierce, quote from The Woman Who Rides Like a Man


“Oh, doll, I just did. Was it you he was fucking on the hood of Sex in the parking garage before dinner? I didn't think so.”
― K. Bromberg, quote from Fueled


Interesting books

Blonde
(7.7K)
Blonde
by Joyce Carol Oates
The First Pillar
(658)
The First Pillar
by Roy Huff
Calling Me Home
(29.2K)
Calling Me Home
by Julie Kibler
The Street Lawyer
(90K)
The Street Lawyer
by John Grisham
The Big Four
(23.9K)
The Big Four
by Agatha Christie
The Adventures of Augie March
(14.5K)
The Adventures of Au...
by Saul Bellow

About BookQuoters

BookQuoters is a community of passionate readers who enjoy sharing the most meaningful, memorable and interesting quotes from great books. As the world communicates more and more via texts, memes and sound bytes, short but profound quotes from books have become more relevant and important. For some of us a quote becomes a mantra, a goal or a philosophy by which we live. For all of us, quotes are a great way to remember a book and to carry with us the author’s best ideas.

We thoughtfully gather quotes from our favorite books, both classic and current, and choose the ones that are most thought-provoking. Each quote represents a book that is interesting, well written and has potential to enhance the reader’s life. We also accept submissions from our visitors and will select the quotes we feel are most appealing to the BookQuoters community.

Founded in 2023, BookQuoters has quickly become a large and vibrant community of people who share an affinity for books. Books are seen by some as a throwback to a previous world; conversely, gleaning the main ideas of a book via a quote or a quick summary is typical of the Information Age but is a habit disdained by some diehard readers. We feel that we have the best of both worlds at BookQuoters; we read books cover-to-cover but offer you some of the highlights. We hope you’ll join us.