“Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the month a chicken is officially a vegetable.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“The safest course was actually the simplest-do nothing at all and hope everything turned out for the best. It wasn't a great plan, but it had the benefits of simplicity and a long tradition. ”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“the best lies to tell are the ones people want to believe”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“You see? I know where every single book used to be in the library.' She pointed to the shelf opposite. 'Over there was Catch-22, which was a hugely popular fishing book and one of a series, I believe.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“Almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“I didn't set out to discover a truth. I was actually sent to the Outer Fringes to conduct a chair census and learn some humility. But the truth inevitably found me, as important truths often do, like a lost thought in need of a mind.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“You many have noticed I have a temper ... but when I calmed down, I realized that this world, blighted and imperfect as it is, would be better with you in it.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“If you enjoyed laughing in the face of death, you might like to have a crack at High Saffron. One hundred merits, and all you have to do is take a look.'
'I understand there's a one hundred percent fatality rate?'
'True. But up until the moment of death there was a one hundred percent survival rate. Really, I shouldn't let anything as meaningless as statistics put you off.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“Were you listening to a word I said '
'I kind of switched off when you drew breath.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“The youthful stationmaster wore a Blue Spot on his uniform and remonstrated with the driver that the train was a minute late, and that he would have to file a report.
The driver retorted that since there could be no material differene between a train that arrived at a station and a station that arrived at a train, it was equally the staionmaster's fault.
The stationmaster replied that he could not be blamed, because he had no control over the speed of the station; to which the engine driver replied that the stationmaster could control its placement, and that if it were only a thousand yards closer to Vermillion, the problem would be solved.
To this the stationmaster replied that if the driver didn't accept the lateness as his fault, he would move the station a thousand yards farther from Vermillion and make him not just late, but demeritably overdue.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“I don't need you to agree with me," she said quietly." I'll go away happy with a little bit of doubt. Doubt is good. It's an emotion we can build on. Perhaps if we feed it with curiosity it will blossom into something useful, like suspicion - and action.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“A surfeit of information often hides an untruth,” he said, with annoying clarity.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“Love isn't sensible, Red. I think that's the point.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“I've managed to bring the backlog down to a mere sixty-eight years," she announced with some small sense of achievement. "I hope to be able to start marking the papers of pupils who are still alive by the end of the decade.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“Acceptable rules of conduct were suspended when it came to the spoon shortage. The deficit had gotten so bad that prices were all but unaffordable, and dynastic spoon succession had become a matter of considerable interest. Spoons were even postcode engraved and carried on one's person to eliminate theft, and good table manners, one of the eight pillars upon which the Collective was built, had been relaxed to allow tea to be stirred - shockingly - with the handle of a fork.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“He set fire to some potatoes, then cooked some undelivered post in the embers." - Dad
"Did he now? What a strange fellow. I would have done it the other way around." - Stafford”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“2.3.06.02.087: Unnecessary sharpening of pencils constitutes a waste of public resources, and will be punished as appropriate.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“Because there's someone else here in East Carmin. Someone hopelessly unsuitable. It's all a really bad idea and will lead to trouble of the worst sort. But no matter what, every minute in her presence makes my life a minute more complete.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“Unless the hole is MEANT to be square,' I said with a sudden erudition that surprised me, 'in which case, all the round pegs are the ones that are wrong, and if the ROUND hole is one that is not meant to be square, then the square ones will, no, hang on--'
'Shame,' said the historian, 'and you were doing so well.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“2.5.03.02.005: Generally speaking, if you fiddle with something, it will break. Don't.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“Her areas of expertise are bar codes, book titles and maps - she has an original Parker Brothers map of the world.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“There is no problem on earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“But the truth inevitably found me, as important truths often do, like a lost thought in need of a mind.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“After all, color in itself has no color — it's simply a construction of the mind: a sensation, like the Humming Chorus from Madame Butterfly and the smell of honeysuckle.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“The best plans are always the simplest.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“You want me to spy on a National Colour operative?'
'Wow,' she said, 'you got it. I thought I was going to have to explain that one for a lot longer.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
“Edward, Edward," he said with a patronising smile, "there are no unanswered questions of any relevance. Every question that we need to ask has been answered fully. If you can't find the correct answer then you are obviously asking the wrong question.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Shades of Grey
Jasper Fforde
Born place: in London, England, The United Kingdom
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“Mutual, respectful, enduring love is completely attainable as long as you swear you won't settle for less.”
― Maggie Stiefvater, quote from Forever
“At the moment I was mad enough to chew up nails and spit out paper clips.”
― Jim Butcher, quote from Storm Front
“Pardon me, but there’s someone on the phone who says they have a call for you.”
There’s a call to tell me I have a call?” he asked with heavy skepticism.”
― Jeaniene Frost, quote from Destined for an Early Grave
“The moon is always jealous of the heat of the day, just as the sun always longs for something dark and deep.
They could see how love might control you, from your head to your toes, not to mention every single part of you in between.
A woman could want a man so much she might vomit in the kitchen sink or cry so fiercly blood would form in the corners of her eyes.
She put her hand to her throat as though someone were strangling her, but really she was choking on all that love she thought she’d needed so badly.
What had she thought, that love was a toy, something easy and sweet, just to play with? Real love was dangerous, it got you from inside and held on tight, and if you didn’t let go fast enough you might be willing to do anything for it’s sake.
She refused to believe in superstition, she wouldn’t; yet it was claiming her.
Some fates are guaranteed, no matter who tries to intervene.
After all I’ve done for you is lodged somewhere in her brain, and far worse, it’s in her heart as well.
She was bad luck, ill-fated and unfortunate as the plague.
She is not worth his devotion. She wishes he would evaporate into thin air. Maybe then she wouldn’t have this feeling deep inside, a feeling she can deny all she wants, but that won’t stop it from being desire.
Love is worth the sum of itself and nothing more.
But that’s what happens when you’re a liar, especially when you’re telling the worst of these lies to yourself.
He has stumbled into love, and now he’s stuck there. He’s fairly used to not getting what he wants, and he’s dealt with it, yet he can’t help but wonder if that’s only because he didn’t want anything so badly.
It’s music, it’s a sound that is absurdly beautiful in his mouth, but she won’t pay attention. She knows from the time she spent on the back stairs of the aunts’ house that most things men say are lies. Don’t listen, she tells herself. None if it’s true and none of it matters, because he’s whispering that he’s been looking for her forever. She can’t believe it. She can’t listen to anything he tells her and she certainly can’t think, because if she did she might just think she’d better stop.
What good would it do her to get involved with someone like him? She’d have to feel so much, and she’s not that kind.
The greatest portion of grief is the one you dish out for yourself.
She preferred cats to human beings and turned down every offer from the men who fell in love with her.
They told her how sticks and stones could break bones, but taunting and name-calling were only for fools.
— & now here she is, all used up.
Although she’d never believe it, those lines in *’s face are the most beautiful part about her. They reveal what she’s gone through and what she’s survived and who exactly she is, deep inside.
She’s gotten back some of what she’s lost. Attraction, she now understands, is a state of mind.
If there’s one thing * is now certain of, it’s house you can amaze yourself by the things you’re willing to do.
You really don’t know? That heart-attack thing you’ve been having? It’s love, that’s what it feels like.
She knows now that when you don’t lose yourself in the bargain, you find you have double the love you started with, and that’s one recipe that can’t be tampered with.
Always throw spilled salt over your left shoulder. Keep rosemary by your garden gate. Add pepper to your mashed potatoes. Plant roses and lavender, for luck. Fall in love whenever you can.”
― Alice Hoffman, quote from Practical Magic
“You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words, that matter.”
― Nicholas Sparks, quote from The Rescue
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