The Names They Gave Us

You can be okay again. Just a different kind of okay than before.

I believe in nature, in science, in jazz, in dancing. And I believe in people. In their resilience, in their goodness. This is my credo; this is my hymn. Maybe it's not enough for heaven, and maybe I'm even wrong. But if I can walk through the fire and, with blistered skin, still have faith in better days? I have to believe that's good enough.

And I say a final last prayer, this one in gratitude that there are people in the world who will protect kids with a fire that makes them sprint after cars, fight systems, curse with rage. It's enough to make you believe. Maybe not in symbols; maybe not in gods. But certainly in people.

Hasn't Daybreak shown me, day after day, that people can outlast unbelievable pain? That human hearts are like noble little ants, able to carry so much more weight than you'd expect.

Whose empire did you just overthrow?" My own.

And that's why I don't get to cry, I guess. Because they do. Because we're older but we're not the grown-ups who seem too far away to understand. I tuck that thought inside me, warm and small like balled hands inside hoodie pockets. Beneath the beech trees and sugar maples, feet crunching against dead leaves, I hope for strength. Because as much as I want to be the one crying, I want to be the kind of person someone can hold onto.

The world moves twice as fast. Or twice as slow. It’s hard to tell when it feels like you’re watching your own life instead of living it.

Human hearts are like noble little ants, able to carry so much more weight than you'd expect.

And I want to be one of them. I want to be one of them so, so badly - to fit into this balance, their history, the wolf pack way of them. I see it now, why my mom wants that for me. I see how you can't help but want it, if you get close enough to witness a group of friends knitted together like this.

Summer crushes happen all the time, right? Because you feel far away from the real world, everything seems more...possible. Every person seems more vital.

After all, once there was a girl named Lucy who loved her family, old and new. It's not the type of love that ends.

So, um, what is your name?” “Oh, that’s funny that you don’t know! Well, maybe it’s not. I’ve always gone by Jones here, even before I was a counselor. You don’t want to guess?” “Rumpelstiltskin,” I say, which makes him burst out laughing.

I like your orange dog.” Nadia taps her finger near the fox I’m trying to draw. I lean against my hand to hide my smile. “Thanks.

I believe in people. In their resilience, in their goodness.

When does it stop-the longing to be mothered?

There comes a time when you just have to put on some mascara and pull yourself together.

This is because she doesn't know about me picking a fight with Shruggy Jesus or rolling around topless with Lukas. My soul has already put on a blinker for the Hell exit, and now I live at hippie camp. That's like sending me into the express lane.

Well, you change as you get older, especially at this time in your life. You become more yourself, hopefully. And sometimes that changes the dynamic, even with people you love. So it's not that you were wrong. You were right for that time. But you grow up and you grow out of relationships. Even the ones you thought, at one point, might be forever.

I'm not sure if this is true. I just want it to be so badly.

So maybe I don't know what'll happen. But it's nice to have someone to not know with you.

I wasn't even looking for him, so why do I feel found?

It's enough to make you believe. Maybe not in symbols; maybe not in gods. But certainly in people.

I'm not sure why I feel lonely instead of just alone.

As much as I want to be the one crying, I want to be the kind of person someone can hold on to.

I would crawl to wherever you were, emotionally, so that you wouldn't feel alone.

Understanding doesn't make me feel any less lied to.

How did we get here so quickly and so slowly?

You change as you get older, especially at this time in your life. You become more yourself, hopefully. And sometimes that changes the dynamic, even with people you love. So it's not that you were wrong. You were right for that time. But you grow up and you grow out of relationships. Even the ones you thought, at one point, might be forever.