Down to My Soul

No matter what happens, my heart and my soul, I give them to you. They’re yours to keep.” “Yours to keep,” I echo back to him, threading our fingers together. “The only thing that’s true, that’s real, is this, Pep.” He pulls my other hand over his heart, pressing his hand over mine. “So you don’t have to worry about losing me. You can’t lose me. My soul is lodged that deeply in yours. I’m completely yours.

Mama always reminded me that love keeps no record of wrongs. I didn’t know until now that true love, pure love, the right love, doesn’t keep that record because it can’t. I can’t. I have to forgive Rhyson because I have to be with him. I just want it to be right. I want us to be right. To

I can’t think of one thing I wouldn’t do to make her smile this way every day. She blurs everything. Erases every line I’ve drawn in the sand. Forces me to rethink the boundaries of right, wrong, acceptable, never would, and couldn’t ever. She’s my absolute. It should scare me, but I’m just too damn grateful to have her.

Your love goes past the heart,

Don’t just act out of what you think is best for her. You’re not her parent. You’re not her father. Think about what will show her that you love her and understand her.

Deep calls out to deep. What’s that mean?' 'It means that God has a way of connecting the deepest parts of Himself with the deepest parts of us. We try to run. We let things get in the way, but His love is so deep that it can get past everything to reach us.

I think we often underestimate the power of a sincere sorry. We think our reasons and excuses somehow make the hurt we’ve caused make sense, but the damage is done, and the only thing that makes it any better is admitting how wrong we were.

Do you remember that scene from Cold Mountain?” He pushes all my hair back so that he sees my face clearly. “When Nicole Kidman says ‘Isn’t there some religion where you just have to say three times “I marry you,” and you’re man and wife?’” I can’t hold on to my smile because this moment feels as sacred as what we’ll do in a church one day real soon. “I marry you.” My voice quakes with the beauty of the declaration. “I marry you. I marry you.” His eyes burn across my face with the sweetest heat, with assurances of his love, with the certainty of forever. “I marry you.” He ordains my lips with a kiss, soft and tender. “I marry you. I marry you.

I’ll always move heaven and earth to be with you,” I assure her. “When it makes no sense. When it wastes time. When it’s hard. Doesn’t matter. If you ever wonder if you’re worth it, the answer’s always yes.

Are we done talking?” She turns over to face me, her breathing slowing down to a sigh over my lips. “We can talk some more if we need to.” “Let’s try not talking.” I pull her in, stroking her back until her body relaxes against me. “I like it when we don’t talk.” Her voice gets softer the closer she gets to sleep. “I can be quiet with you.” “Then do it.” I drop a kiss into her hair. “Be quiet with me, baby.

When someone says they adore you, it’s like love with a heap of cherries on top. You could love someone and kind of hate them. But to adore them, you have to like them a lot.

Sometimes our best intentions come with our worst decisions,” she says. “We’re lucky to have people forgive us in situations like that.

If there’s a moment more perfect, I’ve never had it. And unless it’s with Kai, I don’t want it.

We explore every corner of the festival, abusing our anonymity any way we can. We ride the Ferris wheel bordering the water. At the top, I take her mouth in a kiss as light as meringue and as rich as cream. Kai gets her face painted, sunrays on one side and rainbows on the other. We devour our combined weight in funnel cakes.

Kai is chomping her way through a fried feast that would daunt a linebacker. French fries topped with crab meat. Yuck, by the way. Not to mention the pork belly chips, a monster burger and deep fried Oreos. This meal should come with a pacemaker, but my girl, barely able to get her little hand all the way around this mammoth burger, is halfway through hers before I’ve even dented mine. “What?” She glances up from her half-empty, grease-laden plate, sauce all around her lips. “You’re not hungry?” “Obviously not as hungry as you are.” I reach over to wipe her mouth with my napkin. “You’re not supposed to tease a lady about how much she eats,” Kai says, mouth full. “It’s impolite.” “Not even when this delicate flower eats me under the table?

the clench of her body around me when she comes, sets me off so hard my body jerks rough and rapid until I’m coming, jetting into her body. And for the first time, it’s so intense it’s the same as my synesthesia, colors overtaking my mind, red wrapping around green, pink fusing with yellow, purple interspersing with blue. Vibrant hues coalescing into an aurora borealis that takes my breath, revealing to me the color of love.

She groans, slamming one palm to the piano, pulling it into a fist and banging until she’s matching the rhythm of my thrusts, mixing with our erratic breaths and the guttural sounds of our pleasure, an erotic symphony with just our bodies and our love as instruments. “Damn, this is good, Pep.” I bend my knees, sinking into her more, painting her back with the sweat falling from my face and shoulders.

I drop my pants, align our bodies and plunge into her tightness as deeply as her body will take me. I slide my hand up her back, pushing her neck, her cheek into the piano. I’m as gentle as I can be while I grind into the curve of her ass. “You don’t ever keep this from me again.” I thrust into her roughly, watching the blush wash over the downy skin of her neck and cheeks. “I can’t . . . I can’t be without you, Kai.” “I know.” Her voice shakes.

You got this.” I turn just before I exit the booth, connecting our eyes. “For me. Sing for me.” I hear the difference immediately. I don’t know if it’s Amber’s miracle tea that has saved more than one voice on a rough night, or if it was our pep talk, but Kai nails it. She measures her breathing, every phrase spaced as it should be. Every note, properly supported. And emotion . . . God, as jaded as I am, it takes a lot for me to get goosebumps, but my goosebumps have goosebumps when she sings the lyrics this time. I don’t stop her once. I’m afraid to, scared I’ll ruin something magnificent by meddling with it. And when I told her to sing for me, I didn’t expect her to sing to me, but she does, stretching a live wire between her eyes and mine. I’m not only transfixed, but also painfully aroused by the whole thing. It’s so incredibly personal to have my words in her mouth. It’s almost an erotic experience to see something that came from my mind, from my heart, dwelling inside of her. I scoot under the board as far as I can so these guys can’t tease me about getting a hard on for a second verse. My synesthesia is in overdrive. I close my eyes, trapping all the colors the music shows me beneath my eyelids, not sharing them with anyone. Bright gold mixed with blue and green, a musical paisley splashed across the palette of my mind, splashed across my senses.

This is mine,” he says hotly against the wet flesh. “And I’m yours, Kai. Nothing changes that. Ever. You know that, right?

I’ll earn it back.” He sprinkles kisses over my cheeks, his fingers creeping into the hair at my nape to draw me closer. “Give me the chance to earn it back, baby.

Yeah, I’ve forgiven you.” Emotion whittles my words down to a whisper. “I have to.” The words have barely left my mouth and he’s across the space, dropping to his haunches in front of me, palms at the back of my head, thumbs caressing my cheeks and running over my lips. “Thank God.” He presses his forehead to mine, standing on his knees. “Baby, come home.” I release a sigh, a breath between our lips. “I kind of don’t have a home right now.” He rubs our noses together, his words cool on my lips. “This is home. Us is home. Come back.

I don’t need a ceremony or a ring or a license.” He turns back around, eyes lit with emotion. “You know there’s already a vow between us that goes beyond all of that, and for you to be with anyone else would be adultery of the soul.

All I know is what we have now. I’ve got no plans to leave Not an ocean, not forever Nothing wide or deep Will ever end this love between us My soul is yours to keep

Rhys, I—” “What the fuck was that?” Anger powers Rhyson’s words across the distance, and I feel it like he’s standing right here, scowling at me. “Um, well . . .” “Don’t ‘um well’ me, Pep. What’s happening on the road? I will crush him. You know that, right? If he touches you, I’ll have his Irish ass on a boat back home before he knows what hit him. I didn’t believe the rumors about Dub because I know you wouldn’t do that to me, but if you’ve let that motherfucker touch you—

I can’t help but chuckle. God, I miss my girl. I’d eat a bowlful of her hummus that tastes like butt if I could see her.

If she were in a shower naked with some other guy who touched her like that, I wouldn’t care if we’d been apart for two months or two years. I’d dice him into microscopic chunks, and fuck Kai blind until her body remembered nothing but me.

I can respect that.” Lola’s eyes hold the interest, the fascination Rhyson effortlessly inspires in people. “But isn’t there one thing you could tell us that few people know?” I draw a shallow breath before speaking. “Yeah. There is one thing.” I pause for effect, leaning forward like I’m about to share a secret. Anticipation lights their faces, and they lean forward to catch the inside information I’m about to drop. “He loves hummus.

What would you say to people who think you wouldn’t be where you are now if it wasn’t for Rhyson Gray?” Luke clears his throat and begins to speak before I can. “I think Kai—” “It’s okay, Luke,” I hold up a hand, eyes never leaving Randy’s. “I’d love to answer this question.” I lick my suddenly dry lips before going in. “I would tell them that no one finds success without the help of others along the way.” I look down at the hands in my lap for a second before looking back up. “I wouldn’t be here without my mother, who sacrificed all my life to make sure I had dancing and singing lessons. I wouldn’t be here without my best friend, Santos, who dragged me out to LA to pursue my dreams. I wouldn’t be here without my vocal coach, Grady, who took me under his wing in a strange new city.” I pause, swallowing back unexpected emotion I hope I’m hiding well. “And, yes, I wouldn’t be here without Rhyson, whose music and work ethic inspired me years before I even met him when I was just a fan. So in that sense, they’re right.” I lean forward, elbows propped on the table, lips pressed close to the mic like the producer told me to. “But I would also invite those people out to see me on the road because, though so many have helped me, I’m the one who has to perform night in, night out, and no one does that for me. I’d offer them a ticket, but my shows are all sold out.” Randy’s mouth hangs open a little.

You’re not my ex. You’re my always.