“Hating requires caring. In which case, I couldn't possibly hate you.”
“The fact is, the heart and mind aren't always friendly.
And in my case, they're barely speaking.”
“Close your eyes and picture it. Can you see it?"
I nod, eyes closed.
"Imagine it right there before you. See its texture, shape, and color—got it?"
I smile, holding the image in my head.
"Good. Now reach out and touch it. Feel its contours with the tips of your fingers, cradle its weight in the palms of your hands, then combine all of your senses—sight, touch, smell, taste—can you taste it?"
I bite my lip and suppress a giggle.
"Perfect. Now combine that with feeling. Believe it exists right before you. Feel it, see it, touch it, taste it, accept it, manifest it!" he says.
So I do. I do all of those things. And when he groans, I open my eyes to see for myself.
"Ever." He shakes his head. "You were supposed to think of an orange. This isn't even close."
"Nope, nothing fruity about him." I laugh, smiling ateach of my Damens—the replica I manifested before me, and the flesh and blood version beside me. Both of them equally tall, dark, and so devastatingly handsome they hardly seem real.”
“You left me."
Not realizing until I've said my final good-bye and closed the door behind me, that he's not referring to the past.
He's prophesying our future.”
“Explaining that I'm faced with a choice between being with the love of my life, or saving four lives that were never meant to end.”
“If you insist on the chase," I say, my voice much surer than I feel."Then you better start training. 'Cause, dude you're in for a marathon.”
“I'm with him, and he's with me, and that's the way it's meant to eternally be.”
“Well, it's nice to have a dream. But it's even nicer when there's a remote possibility of it coming true.”
“You can't go back, Ever. You can't change the past. It just is." I squint, having no idea what she's talking about. But just as I start to ask,she shakes her head and says, "This is our destiny. Not yours.”
“Now, now." He smiles, "Don't you worry 'bout a thing. Damen's right where you left him. Though I must say I can't believe that you left him. I underestimated you. I had no idea. Though I can't help but wonder how Damen would feel if he knew. I bet he underestimated you too.”
“Maybe." I shrug. "But what I meant was, can't you use the makeup to cover it?"
Miles rolls his eyes and scowls. "Oh, so I can sport a huge flesh-colored beacon instead? Would you look at this thing? There's no disguising it. It's got it's own DNA! It's casting shadows!”
“The love of every single one of my lives.”
“Ever, can't you just relax and enjoy the view? When was the last time you were in Paris anyway?"
"Never. I've never been to Paris. And I hate to break it to you, Ava, but this—is not Paris. This is like some cranked up Disney version of Paris. Like, you've taken a pile of travel brochures and French postcards, and scenes from that adorable cartoon movie Ratatouille, mixed them all together and voila, created this.”
“You can’t change the past, it just is”
“You guys know I love you, right?" I glance between them, knowing they'll freak, but it has to be said.
They look at each other, exchanging a look of alarm, both of them wondering what could've possibly happened to the girl they once pegged as the Ice Queen.
"Um, okay..." Haven says, shaking her head.
But I just smile and grasp them both to me, squeezing them tightly as I whisper to Miles, "Whatever you do don't stop acting or singing, it's going to bring you great happiness."
And before he can respond, I've moved on to Haven, knowing I have to get this over with and quick, so I can get Damen to Ava's, but determined to find a way to urge her to love herself more, and that Josh is worth hanging on to for however long it lasts. "You have so much value," I tell her. "So much to give--I just wish you could see how bright your star truly does shine."
"Um, gag!" she says, laughing as she untangles herself from my grip. "Are you okay?”
“The weird thing about saying good-bye is that it never gets easier.”
“Home. That wonderful place I was lucky enough to revisit no matter how short a time finally realizing it's not relegated to just one single place its wherever you make it.”
“Aw, now look at that, you're being sarcastic, aren't you?”
“May you bring unconditional love and infinite peace.”
“I mean, I'm with him, and he's with me, and that's the way it's meant to eternally be.”
“We are not defined by our things. Its not our clothes we wear or the cars we own or the art we aquire. It's not where we live but how we live. Its out ACTIONS that are remebered once we are gone.”
“While appearing weak is okay, giving in to weakness is definitely not.”
“Some things are meant to be gone FOREVER.”
“...I reach for the book on my nightstand instead. Immersed in the story of a guy and a girl so entwined, so perfectly made for each other, their love transcends time. Wishing I could climb inside those pages and live there forever, preferring their story to mine.”
“Imagine it right there before you. See its texture, shape, and color. Believe it exists right before you. Feel it, see it, touch it, accept it, manifest it!”
“Aber eigentlich müsste ich inzwischen genug über Verluste wissen, um zu begreifen, dass man nie wirklich aufhört, jemanden zu vermissen - man lernt lediglich, mit dem riesigen, klaffenden Loch seiner Abwesenheit zu leben.”
“I was tired of hanging on, taking the torn pieces to make something whole with them.”
“What do you think?” Summer said. “I think they’re full of shit,” I said. “Important shit or regular flag-rank shit?” “They’re lying,” I said. “They’re uptight, they’re lying, and they’re stupid. Why am I worried about Kramer’s briefcase?” “Sensitive paperwork,” she said. “Whatever he was carrying to California.” I nodded. “They just defined it for me. It’s the conference agenda itself.” “You’re sure there was one?” “There’s always an agenda. And it’s always on paper. There’s a paper agenda for everything. You want to change the dog food in the K-9 kennels, you need forty-seven separate meetings with forty-seven separate paper agendas. So there was one for Irwin, that’s for damn sure. It was completely stupid to say there wasn’t. If they’ve got something to hide, they should have just said it’s too secret for me to see.” “Maybe the conference really wasn’t important.” “That’s bullshit too. It was very important.” “Why?” “Because a two-star general was going. And a one-star. And because it was New Year’s Eve, Summer. Who flies on New Year’s Eve and spends the night in a lousy stopover hotel? And this year in Germany was a big deal. The Wall is coming down. We won, after forty-five years. The parties must have been incredible. Who would miss them for something unimportant? To have gotten those three guys on a plane on New Year’s Eve, this Irwin thing had to be some kind of a very big deal.”
“كل رغبة من رغباتي كانت تنفذ في الحال. لكن أي رغبة؟ فقط تلك التي يستطيع المال أن يلبيها. إنما الأحلام المخبوءة، الخفية، الغالية على قلب كل صبية، كان لابد لها أن تظل حبيسة أعماقي. ص 111”
“The very second the door closed behind them, Nicholas started shouting. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised.
'I can't believe you did that!' he railed. 'After the field party, the vamps in the garden. Didn't you hear a single word I said?'
'No why don't you yell a little louder?'
'This isn't funny, Lucy.”
“There is no dignity in a crying toothpick.”
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