Antsy Does Time

I always hear people talk about 'dysfunctional families.' It annoys me, because it makes you think that somewhere there's this magical family where everyone gets along, and no one ever screams things they don't mean, and there's never a time when sharp objects should be hidden. Well, I'm sorry, but that family doesn't exist. And if you find some neighbors that seem to be the grinning model of 'function,' trust me - that's the family that will get arrested for smuggling arms in their SUV between soccer games. The best you can really hope for is a family where everyone's problems, big and small, work together. Kind of like an orchestra where every instrument is out of tune, in exactly the same way, so you don't really notice.

In this world, there is a fine line between enlightenment and brain damage.

I think all mothers are alike, regardless of cultural background, when it comes to illogical cleaning.

A family is a collection of strangers trapped in a web of DNA and forced to cope.

The best you can really hope for is a family where everyone's problems, big and small, work together. Kind of like an orchestra where every instrument is out of tune, in exactly the same way, so you don't really notice

Truth can only be served from a scalding kettle; whether you blister or make tea is up to you.

But honey, there are some things that must never be said out loud.

I guess once you start parting with all the things you think hold your life together, it's hard to stop—and then you find out your life holds together all by itself.

There are some things I don't understand, and don't think I ever will. I don't understand how a person can give up so totally and completely that they dive right into the heart of a black hole...And I don't understand how pride can be more important than love.

The difference between you and me...is that when I look at the world, I see opportunity. When you look at the world, you're just trying to find a place to urinate.