“Stop saying no offense,” I said, “when you say offensive things. It’s not a free pass.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“I was stupid, the official descriptive phrase for happy.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“Either you have the feeling or you don't. Hawk Davies”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“Ed, it was everything, those nights on the phone, everything we said until late became later and then later and very late and finally to go to bed with my ear warm and worn and red from holding the phone close close close so as not to miss a word of what it was, because who cared how tired I was in the humdrum slave drive of our days without each other. I’d ruin any day, all my days, for those long nights with you, and I did. But that’s why right there it was doomed. We couldn’t only have the magic nights buzzing through the wires. We had to have the days, too, the bright impatient days spoiling everything with their unavoidable schedules, their mandatory times that don’t overlap, their loyal friends who don’t get along, the unforgiven travesties torn from the wall no matter what promises are uttered past midnight, and that's why we broke up.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“I started making plans, thinking we would get that far.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“I’m not a romantic, I’m a half-wit. Only stupid people would think I’m smart. I’m not something anyone should know. I’m a lunatic wandering around for scraps, I’m like every single miserable moron I’ve scorned and pretended I didn’t recognize. I’m all of them, every last ugly thing in a bad last-minute costume. I’m not different, not at all, not different from any other speck of a thing. I’m a blemished blemish, a ruined ruin, a stained wreck so failed I can’t see what I used to be.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“I'm telling you why we broke up, Ed. I'm writing this letter, the whole truth of why it happened. And the truth is that I goddamn loved you so much.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“I’d ruin any day, all my days, for those long nights with you, and I did.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“And the truth is that I'm not, Ed, is what I wanted to tell you. I'm not arty like everyone says who doesn't know me, I don't paint, I can't draw, I play no instrument, I can't sing. I'm not in plays, I wanted to say, I don't write poems. I can't dance except tipsy at dances. I'm not athletic, I'm not a goth or a cheerleader, I'm not treasurer or co-captain. I'm not gay and out and proud, I'm not that kid from Sri Lanka, not a triplet, a prep, a drunk, a genius, a hippie, a Christian, a slut, not even one of those super-Jewish girls with a yarmulke gang wishing everyone a happy Sukkoth. I'm not anything, this is what I realized ... I like movies, everyone knows I do -- I love them -- but I will never be in charge of one because my ideas are stupid and wrong in my head. There's nothing different about that, nothing fascinating, interesting, worth looking at.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“There are so many movies like this, where you thought you were smarter than the screen but the director was smarter than you, of course he's the one, of course it was a dream, of course she's dead, of course, it's hidden right there, of course it's the truth and you in your seat have failed to notice in the dark.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“And this note was a jittery time bomb, ticking beneath my normal life, in my pocket all day firecely reread, in my purse all week until I was afraid it would get crushed or snooped, in my drawer between two dull books to escape my mother and then in the box and now thunked back to you. A note, who writes a note like that? Who were you to write one to me? It boomed inside me the whole time, an explosion over and over, the joy of what you wrote to me jumpy shrapnel in my bloodstream. I can't have it near me anymore, I'm grenading it back to you, as soon as I unfold it and read it and cry one more time. Because me too, and fuck you. Even now.
I can’t stop thinking about you.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“It was a secret time and place, you next to me, untraceable and out of this world.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“How wrong to think I was anyone else, like thinking grass stains make you a beautiful view, like getting kissed makes you kissable, like feeling warm makes you coffee, like liking movies makes you a director. How utterly incorrect to think it any other way, a box of crap is treasures, a boy smiling means it, a gentle moment is a life improved.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“...the moron who thought love was forever.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“You either have the feeling or you don’t.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up. Like a tie at a tag sale, some perfect thing in a crate of nothing, you were just there, uninvited, and now suddenly the party was over and you were all I wanted. I hadn't even been looking, not for you, and now you were my heart's desire.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“I hadn't even been looking, not for you, and now you were my heart's desire.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“Undeveloped, the whole thing,tossed into a box before we really had a chance to know what we had, and that's why we broke up.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“A girl meets a boy, Ed, and everything changes, or so she says.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“Take back the smile and the night, take it all back, I wish I could.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“Twenty-six,” you said. “One for each day we’ve been together, Min.”Somebody oohed. Somebody shushed them.
“And I hope that someday I’ll do another something stupid and I’ll have to say it a million times because that’s how long it’ll be, together with you, Min. With you.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“Take it back, Ed. Take it all back.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“who would dare think that, forever? Some idiot girl who wouldn’t know how things played out.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“...there's not enough ink and paper to say all I wanted.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“But it’s December now, and the sky is bright, and it’s clear to me. I’m telling you why we broke up, Ed. I’m writing it in this letter, the whole truth of why it happened. And the truth is that I goddamn loved you so much.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“If he’s not gay and he hung out with you the whole time, he wanted to be. It’s boyfriend or want to be boyfriend or I guess gay. Those are the choices.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“And then the third night was after we broke up, which was worth a million matches but instead just took all I had. That night it felt that somehow by flicking them off the roof, the matches would burn down everything, the sparks from the tips of the flames torching the world and all the heartbroken people in it. Up in smoke I wanted everything, up in smoke I wanted you, although in a movie that wouldn’t work, even, too many effects, too showy for how tiny and bad I felt. Cut that fire from the film, no matter how much I watch it in dailies. But I want it anyway, Ed, I want what can’t possibly happen, and that is why we broke up.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
“I waved but couldn’t answer, because I was finally letting myself grin as wide as I’d wanted all afternoon, all evening, every sec of every minute with you, Ed. Shit, I guess I already loved you then. Doomed like a wineglass knowing it’ll get dropped someday, shoes that’ll be scuffed in no time, the new shirt you’ll soon enough muck up filthy.”
― Daniel Handler, quote from Why We Broke Up
Daniel Handler
Born place: in San Francisco, California, The United States
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“A theory is a good theory if it satisfies two requirements. It must accurately describe a large class of observations on the basis of a model that contains only a few arbitrary elements, and it must make definite predictions about the results of future observations.”
― Stephen Hawking, quote from A Brief History of Time: From the Big Bang to Black Holes
“Just about every kid in America wished they could be Kyle Keeley. Especially when he zoomed across their TV screens as a flaming squirrel in a holiday commercial for Squirrel Squad Six, the hysterically crazy new Lemoncello video game. Kyle’s friends Akimi Hughes and Sierra Russell were also in that commercial. They thumbed controllers and tried to blast Kyle out of the sky. He dodged every rubber band, coconut custard pie, mud clod, and wadded-up sock ball they flung his way. It was awesome. In the commercial for Mr. Lemoncello’s See Ya, Wouldn’t Want to Be Ya board game, Kyle starred as the yellow pawn. His head became the bubble tip at the top of the playing piece. Kyle’s buddy Miguel Fernandez was the green pawn. Kyle and Miguel slid around the life-size game like hockey pucks. When Miguel landed on the same square as Kyle, that meant Kyle’s pawn had to be bumped back to the starting line. “See ya!” shouted Miguel. “Wouldn’t want to be ya!” Kyle was yanked up off the ground by a hidden cable and hurled backward, soaring above the board. It was also awesome. But Kyle’s absolute favorite starring role was in the commercial for Mr. Lemoncello’s You Seriously Can’t Say That game, where the object was to get your teammates to guess the word on your card without using any of the forbidden words listed on the same card. Akimi, Sierra, Miguel, and the perpetually perky Haley Daley sat on a circular couch and played the guessers. Kyle stood in front of them as the clue giver. “Salsa,” said Kyle. “Nachos!” said Akimi. A buzzer sounded. Akimi’s guess was wrong. Kyle tried again. “Horseradish sauce!” “Something nobody ever eats,” said Haley. Another buzzer. Kyle goofed up and said one of the forbidden words: “Ketchup!” SPLAT! Fifty gallons of syrupy, goopy tomato sauce slimed him from above. It oozed down his face and dribbled off his ears. Everybody laughed. So Kyle, who loved being the class clown almost as much as he loved playing (and winning) Mr. Lemoncello’s wacky games, went ahead and read the whole list of banned words as quickly as he could. “Mustard-mayonnaise-pickle-relish.” SQUOOSH! He was drenched by buckets of yellow glop, white sludge, and chunky green gunk. The slop slid along his sleeves, trickled into his pants, and puddled on the floor. His four friends busted a gut laughing at Kyle, who was soaked in more “condiments” (the word on his card) than a mile-”
― Chris Grabenstein, quote from Mr. Lemoncello's Library Olympics
“People who feel empty never heal by merging with another incomplete person. On the contrary, two broken-winged birds coupled into one make for clumsy flight. No amount of patience will help it fly; and, ultimately, each must be pried from the other, and wounds separately splinted. The”
― Irvin D. Yalom, quote from Love's Executioner: & Other Tales of Psychotherapy
“Have you ever felt so full of thoughts you think you could burst?”
― Anyta Sunday, quote from rock
“One learns a lot if others assume you are deaf to their tongue.”
― Daniel Mason, quote from The Piano Tuner
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