The Queen of Bright and Shiny Things

I don't know how to be a boyfriend," he warns me. I cock a brow at him, smiling. "That's too bad...since I have a PhD in girlfriendology from the University of So Many Feelings.

I've had so many people leave, but this is the first time anyone's come back.

I’ve heard if you pretend long enough—or maybe wish hard enough—faking normal becomes real. I’m counting on that. Until then, I’ll carry on.

The future sometimes looms like a monster, a horrible scary one with teeth and claws.It’s hard to plan your life when all the news talks about is how screwed up the world’s become.

Just...for the first time, I want so bad for someone to like me back. Don't get me wrong, I've had crushes before, guys I'd never meet or ones I knew would never look at me like that. Sometimes it's safer to pin your dreams on somebody who's never going to see you. While it's sad, it's also safe. Because there's no chance he'll ever break your heart for real.

Suddenly I can't breath, can't figure out what the hell he sees in me, but I can't look away, either. And that's when I realize, his eyes are locked on mine. Until this moment, I didn't notice; I thought he was off in music land, but he's lost in me instead.

His smile is too beautiful for his world, and I am dying of love.

You can lie to yourself about all kinds of things. Until you can't, anymore. Until reality pounds a hole through your fantasy castle and the reality check must be cashed in.

Fall for someone you know will leave you, sooner rather than later.

You really have no idea, do you?" His voice holds a wondering note. I'm wary. "Of what?" "How incredible you are.

It doesn't matter where we've been," I tell him. "Only where we're going.

They're fooling themselves," I say. "It's better to deal with your shit head on. Life doesn't get better if you look away.

Normal pleasures like this are reserved for girls without a shadow staring back at them in the mirror. But whether I deserve this or not, I don't care. It's too sweet to stop.

I'm so not enough. I can't be. I smile, and I act happy, and I pretend. I'm the queen of bright and shiny things, eternally looking for the positive and seeking a silver lining in the dark.

My body isn't big enough to hold this feeling.

Sometimes only the dumbest thing in the world can give you any peace.

I’m the queen of bright and shiny things, eternally looking for the positive and seeking a silver lining in the dark.

Then I imagine this is how other people feel when they find my pink Post-it. But this one is bright blue and it’s written in black Sharpie. It says, You are the silver lining. I love that phrase and the fact that it came from John Milton. “Was I deceived, or did a sable cloud / Turn forth her silver lining on the night?” So somebody out there thinks I’m the bright side of a dark cloud.

His smile is too beautiful for this world, and I am dying of love.

To her, I was nothing, and she got me to the point where I didn’t care what happened to me, as long as she was gone, too.

...whether I deserve this or not, I don’t care. It’s too sweet to stop.