The Pale-Faced Lie

No tie is as strong as family, making it the hardest one to break.

Be careful whenever everything is given to you,” Mr. Ashcroft said. “Because then you’ll be totally beholden to your masters.

After running from pursuers a good part of my life, I was used to hiding in the shadows. But now, I was trying to save myself from the ultimate bully, my murderous father.

There’s no reason for Christmas or gifts since there is no God,” Dad said. “Christ faked his death and tricked the Jews into accepting blame.” His head jerked, and he mumbled to himself. “Where’s the bastard now? Dead. And he’ll stay dead. Mary was no virgin. They nearly killed Joseph for knocking her up without marrying her. No one is saved. We just die. Rich people worship money, and poor people worship Jesus. It’s all they’ve got. The poor dumb bastards. Do-gooders pretend that giving gifts makes us better. It ain’t so.

No, my world wasn’t like that at all. “What about when someone does something nice and expects nothing in return?” “You’re stupid if you think they don’t expect something in return. No one gives something for nothing.” “Yeah? So what does someone get for covering up a murder?

New York Yankees: Mickey Mantle, Roger Maris, Clete Boyer, Bobby Richardson, Yogi Berra, and Whitey Ford. The Yankees were playing the San Francisco Giants in the 1962 World Series.

An even more blatant example of the government’s hypocrisy was their role in regulating alcohol. The politicians and bureaucrats pretended to care about alcoholism but allowed minors to drink with adults all day and all night. They just opened more jail cells and operated additional paddy wagons, letting the drunks back out in time for Sam and me to fire cherry bombs at them. As Dad said, “Half the PhDs in the country study Indian alcoholism, but nothing changes. No one in the government really gives a shit. They just want the tax revenue.

Then it came to me. The only way to be free was to forgive them—and forgive myself. It was advice I’d heard plenty of times, but on that day in the hotel, I was ready to do it. In an instant, I stopped expecting anything from them. Their approval, friendship, understanding, empathy, love. And I stopped believing that Dad, Mom, and Mona were right about me—or any of us. I didn’t want to carry around the burden of longing and guilt and shame anymore. I was done.

You can’t change your childhood, but you can let it go,” he said.

Watching him walk away, I made a solemn promise that my life’s work would be proving him wrong about me. I would become his exact opposite.

Her definition of love was obligation and guilt.

mostly how I hated being a Crow.

How could she forgive what had happened to her people? And how could she be so kindhearted? I didn’t understand. She filled the house with noisy laughter. She told us to have hozhoni (harmony) and show ajooba (kindness) because those things will return to you.

Thefts can happen anywhere. It’s up to you to keep track of your equipment. Black or white

For the first time, I saw my behavior from someone else’s point of view.

Because you failed as a son and you’re not much of a man. How could someone as incompetent as you be in charge of anyone, much less me?

If ever there was a time to get out of Dad’s grasp, this was it. But I couldn’t seem to let go of him, even though he might very well destroy me—and soon. Maybe I wasn’t any different from Mom or Mona—or Caroline, for that matter. Certainly, I wasn’t any braver.

Her definition of love was obligation and guilt. It was the only love the Crow family had to offer.

Any hope that life would be better for us vanished. She and Dad were getting married the next weekend in Gallup with a one-night honeymoon in the Shalimar Hotel, where Dad and Vance had gone to meet Mexican women with tight asses.

It never worked. Missionaries were tighter than a tick when it came to money. Sometimes it took them a half hour to round up enough pennies to pay me.

But each day, the second we got home, Evelyn appeared. She was the first adult who truly loved me—she cared for me without wanting anything back. I knew that whatever happened, she’d be on my side.

If there was a God, he must have sent this angel of a woman to us. For the first time in forever, a blanket of calm fell over the house.

He’s a moocher, lazy-ass, shiftless, alcoholic son of a bitch who stole money from me and some of my clothes. I’ll kill him if he comes back.