Okay Days

Luc’s specific brand of romance consists of small but perpetual acts of care.

I suspected the severe boredom had unhinged my brain chemicals somehow, making me care more about things than other people would. Like waking up hungover bothered me, the self-abuse aspect of it. Some of my friends would still sleep away most of the weekend, waking up late and eating fried things, only to go out again. I have never been into fried food but even staying out late had at this point lost its appeal because sleeping in ruined the whole flow of the day, making me stress to catch up on whatever I had missed.

But even if we are fairly miserable now, to be honest I'd rather have two more miserable days with you than two okay days without.

She'd learned by that point that she couldn't fix people. all she needed to know, really, in any human transaction, was wether it was right for her; wether it fit. That was why she'd dumped Luke when they were twenty. `Why doesn't he text?´was none of her business. The fact was, he didn't text, and she wanted someone who did.

She hums. It must be unconscious. She never hums a full song, only a few notes. Sometimes the same three notes over and over. Sometimes just one note in different lengths, creating more of a beat than a tune, like she is scared of silence.

Now I find it a rather excellent compliment, to be the fun girl. To be thought of fondly, causing nostalgia. The wild one that got away.

I know he wants nothing more than for us to be friends, talk in person. But it is obvious I can't give that to him. I will never not want him. This is out of my control and it is wrecking me.

She laughs and I go to the kitchen and put the kettle on and for this call to end, she will have to hang up because I never will.

This carousel has run its course and though carousels are fun you wouldn't want to be on one perpetually I don't think.

But even if certain misery ahead I'd rather have two miserable years with you than two okay years without.