Midnight at the Electric

I think that's what you say when you can't have something you want, isn't it? You say you don't want it in the first place.

I wonder if sometimes you can miss something so much it breaks you, and still be happy you left.

Lily?”, she whispered. Lily didn’t move. “Can I tell you something?” Lilly breathed deeply, clearly asleep. “I think all my life my heart’s been broken,” Adri whispered, “and I didn’t even notice. And I don’t even know by what.

Sadness is only something that's part of you. Grief becomes you; it wraps you up and changes you and makes everything - every little thing - different than it was before.

It's strange, isn't it, how we can push people away because we want to be near them? Isn't that the silliest thing?

Earth," Alexa finally said. "It's not that great anyway." And they all smiled sadly. Because, of course, it was everything.

I think the rest of the world is not as cold and lonely a place as you think. At least I have to hope.

So many lights you’d think we were living in a constellation

It's shocking, isn't it, that a kiss could have led to something so big and violent and full of light as a human being? It makes me dizzy to think of all the things that start that way. Whole families, whole countries, whole worlds. Isn't it strange how a whole life can begin with a little spark?

I don't care if there are cracks in us, we are still us. We don't have to be perfect to be right.

You look like a crazy person," Adri said. "You look boring and average," Lily replied.

No one wants to disappear. Words made things real, and they last so much longer than we do. So, for the record, here are the things I want to be real. And I hope that words are enough to make them that way

Lily?' she whispered. Lily didn't move. 'Can I tell you something?' Lily breathed deeply, clearly asleep. 'I think all my life my heart's been broken,' Adri whispered, 'and I didn't even notice. And I don't even know by what.' It wasn't because of any one thing - not losing parents she didn't remember, not growing up in the group home - not the obvious things. It felt more like it had just come from being born, from time existing.

I've made a discovery, and it's that grief isn't like sadness at all. Sadness is only something that's part of you. Grief becomes you, it wraps you up and changes you and makes everything--every little thing--different than it was before. I remember the me before we got the telegram saying he was gone, but it's like I'm remembering someone else. It feels like an earthquake has gone through me...

I know I'll miss it forever, but I also know that I can't give into that. As much as I've always loved Canaan and loved you, I want my life to go forward even if it hurts. And I've decided I have to reach for what I want even if my hands are trembling from fear. I'm sorry, Ellis, but I'm not coming home.

I guess people are right when they say that time helps grief. I don't agree that it heals, but maybe it wraps our losses up deeper and deeper inside so we can get on with being alive.

Adri held her arms around herself, shivering. "Do you think I can change?" she finally asked. Lily looked at her, curious and thoughtful. "Well," she replied, "are you dead?

Manhattan can be beautiful, Ellis, if you are willing to see it and not compare it to what you loved before

She thought of all the things she’d forgotten to be scared of.

But Lily pushed on. “Why do you think that is, that you love these people you don’t know?” Adri shook her head. “I don’t. I’m just curious.” Lily shrugged. Offhandedly, as they were leaving the room, she said, “Maybe it’s because you’re invisible to them. Maybe that’s why you let them in.” She tapped on the wall on her way out, as if for good luck. “It’s less scary that way.

I think God might be the dust and the jackrabbits and the rain, that God might be Teddy and the bullet that killed him, the beautiful and exquisite moon and the terrible zeppelins, all spread out and everywhere. I've begun to think that maybe we are god's fingers rubbing against each other to see how it feels. Do you think that it is a sacrilegious thought - that God might be everything and its opposite?

But you are the only person I can show myself to. You always made my rough edges feel real.

We'll be fine," Adri said. "If you want to vomit on someone, you can vomit on me.

I was so nervous when I put my hand on his cheek and felt the scars and said, "You're a beautiful sight," and put my lips to his.

No one wants to disappear. Words pin things down and make them real, and they last so much longer than we do.

Lily?” she whispered. Lily didn’t move. “Can I tell you something?” Lilly breathed deeply, clearly asleep. “I think all my life my heart’s been broken,” Adri whispered, “and I didn’t even notice. And I don’t even know by what.

I can't take another parade where everything centers on the dead and we all act as though we may as well be dead too, even though we're not.