“I could lie my way out of existence.”
“You have to be a great liar to write fiction, a real historical revisionist.”
“He played like he wanted to break the piano.”
“That was how I wanted to feel: almost out of control.”
“Now it was our little joke, signifying nothing.”
“I stretched out alongside her and pulled the covers over us. I moved against her and sighed. There. I had one perfect thing in my life.”
“Why did I always do the worst things? Why did I always arrange my life so that it was on the brink of collapse?”
“Let’s not live like other people. Let’s not be like other couples.”
“He draws people in without even trying. Puts them under a spell. And then he does what he always does—lies or disappears—and you break on the rocks you were too dazed to see.”
“We would kiss and say things we didn’t mean. Counterfeit intimacy.”
“He’s the golden boy, you see? We always forgive him.”
“You can’t see the real world anymore. Everyone becomes a caricature.”
“When would it be my turn to truly know him? Fear answered: Never. You’ll never know him. You can’t hold on to a man like that.”
“I’ll be buried in a Presbyterian cemetery. Did you know that? I’m tired enough to go there now.”
“When people know you’re an author, they turn into weirdos. I swear.”
“I felt such pity for her, and such gratitude, too—because she let me be nobody.”
“Brilliant. I’d have a cult following.”
“So let them talk. Let the rumors fly.”
“I was on top, a rare thing indeed.”
“And Seth, who seemed so unwelcome before, now stood clearly in my mind’s eye. Vulnerable. Honest. A casualty of Matt’s game.”
“the way people return to a burnt home—not to salvage it, but to wade through the wreckage and suffer.”
“He looked beautiful, and fallen, like Lucifer.”
“The heart always knows what the mind refuses to accept.”
“She was alive in her anger, her eyes illuminated, her body electric. She gave no ground, took no excuses.”
“You don’t see the difference between fiction and reality. Everything is your story.”
“Great. They fucked with my punctuation?” “Pam says you’re overly fond of semicolons.”
“I don’t want to be the sun in your sky,” she continued. “Do you get what I mean? I’m happy being the moon.”
“She would fear the public, with its vulgar curiosity and sickening sense of entitlement.”
“He was completely detached from every thing except the story he was writing and he was living in it as he built it. The difficult parts he had dreaded he now faced one after another and as he did the people, the country, the days and the nights, and the weather were all there as he wrote. He went on working and he felt as tired as if he had spent the night crossing the broken volcanic desert and the sun had caught him and the others with the dry gray lakes still ahead. He could feel the weight of the heavy double-barreled rifle carried over his shoulder, his hand on the muzzle, and he tasted the pebble in his mouth. Across the shimmer of the dry lakes he could see the distant blue of the escarpment. Ahead of him there was no one, and behind was the long line of porters who knew that they had reached this point three hours too late.
It was not him, of course, who had stood there that morning, nor had he even worn the patched corduroy jacket faded almost white now, the armpits rotted through by sweat, that he took off then and handed to his Kamba servant and brother who shared with him the guilt and knowledge of the delay, watching him smell the sour, vinegary smell and shake his head in disgust and then grin as he swung the jacket over his black shoulder holding it by the sleeves as they started off across the dry-baked gray, the gun muzzles in their right hands, the barrels balanced on their shoulders, the heavy stocks pointing back toward the line of porters.
It was not him, but as he wrote it was and when someone read it, finally, it would be whoever read it and what they found when they should reach the escarpment, if they reached it, and he would make them reach its base by noon of that day; then whoever read it would find what there was there and have it always.”
“Holding my pendant, I lay on my side without moving, noiseless tears streaming down my face until the pillow grew damp beneath my cheek. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live, to be with Alex, to experience so much more than I had so far. But just then, it was Alex I was crying for. All that he'd gone through, all those deaths of people he loved--and now he was having to experience it again, with me. Thinking of what he was going through was like being beaten up inside; it was even worse than imagining whatever might happen the next day. Part of me hoped that he really did hate me now--maybe it would help; maybe it would make it not hurt so much.
And more than that, I guess I was crying for both of us...that it hadn't turned out to be always, after all.”
“If you cast me out of the Dagger Society, then I will form my own. I am tired of losing. I am tired of being used, hurt and tossed aside.
It is my turn to use. My turn to hurt.
My turn.”
“We could go to Lough Bealach,' Aislinn answered.
'Is that a place, or are you choking?' I asked, earning me a glare in return.
Dad made a strangled sound that might have been a laugh.”
“But why should they blame her? They should blame the men who won’t let her alone,”
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