I See London, I See France

A friendship can't survive on childhood memories alone. We have to create new experiences, or the friendship will shrivel up.

What house do you belong to?” “Ravenclaw,” I say. The clever one. The woman hands me the blue Ravenclaw scarf. “You’re also kind of a Hufflepuff, don’t you think?” Leela asks. “Hardworking, loyal . . . Although last night you were a total Gryffindor. So brave.” “Maybe I’m Divergent,” I say. I pose under the Platform 9¾ sign, point my wand, and smile for Leela’s photo.

You don't really have to fallin love with him, but he's not a terrible option for a fling. As long as you use a condom. Two condoms, even.

Tip: When in London you must have the fish and chips. Chips are french fries, by the way. And please, for the love of Prince Harry, don’t be a tourist and ask for ketchup.

Tip: The Tube is the cheapest way to get from Heathrow into London. We are sorry to inform you that the Tube is the London subway and not, as we had hoped, a cross-city waterslide.

When the plane touches ground, half the people clap and I join in because, well, why not? We made it, didn’t we?

Agoraphobics are afraid of being out in public and losing control, so they prefer to stay in places they think of as safe.

We vowed that one day, when we were older, we would go to England and have our own adventures. London would be so much more fun than Maryland. We would have tea with our pinkies up. We’d go to Buckingham Palace. We’d fly across the city with umbrellas and broomsticks. We’d get engaged in London. Okay, not really, but Leela’s parents had gotten engaged in London and wasn’t that the most romantic thing you’d ever heard?

A friendship can’t survive on childhood memories alone. We have to create new experiences, or the friendship will shrivel up. Like the orchids my dad sent me for my birthday that I completely forgot to water.

Tip: Are you taking a late-night flight? Sleep on the plane! That way you’ll be well rested when you land and ready to hit the ground running. Otherwise you’re totally going to be a hot mess by noon.

Now that it’s summer vacation, I can finally read whatever I want.

London, the capital of England, is the perfect gateway city for your European adventure. You can fly there directly from pretty much anywhere in America, it’s a five-hour time difference from the East Coast, plus the Brits speak English. Um, most of the time. They snog instead of kiss, wear knickers instead of underwear, and spend pounds instead of dollars, so you might not always understand what they’re bloody (bloody = curse word!) talking about.

The Basics: The canals of Venice are a wonder to behold. There are no cars in Venice. There are no roads. Want to get somewhere? Walk, take a boat, or swim. Just kidding. Don't swim. The water's disgusting.

The Basics: Monaco is a city-state on the French Riviera. It's known for its casinos, wealthy people, royal family, and yachts. Look, there's Princess Alexandra! Just kidding. You're not going to see any royals up close. And you probably don't know who Princess Alexandra is anyway.

Tip: Like everywhere else in Europe (except the UK and Switzerland), the Netherlands uses the euro. What is up with you, UK and Switzerland? Euros are super cute! The bills look just like Monopoly money, plus they have coins instead of one- and two-dollar bills that accumulate in your pocket and can be used to buy a pair of wooden clogs. Kidding! Don't buy a pair of wooden clogs. You'll never wear them, and they are way too heavy to carry around in your bag.

You’re also kind of a Hufflepuff, don’t you think?” Leela asks. “Hardworking, loyal . . . Although last night you were a total Gryffindor. So brave.” “Maybe I’m Divergent,” I say.

Oh, I can find Matt anywhere. I have perfect Matt-dar. I used to be able to spot him across campus in a group of a thousand. I'm like Edward sniffing out Bella. I'm a vampire. I can smell him in any room.