“Did you ever, when you were little, endure your parents’ warnings, then wait for them to leave the room, pry loose protective covers and consider inserting some metal object into an electrical outlet?
Did you wonder if for once you might light up the room?
When you were big enough to cross the street on your own, did you ever wait for a signal, hear the frenzied approach of a fire truck and feel like stepping out in front of it?
Did you wonder just how far that rocket ride might take you?
When you were almost grown, did you ever sit in a bubble bath, perspiration pooling, notice a blow dryer plugged in within easy reach, and think about dropping it into the water?
Did you wonder if the expected rush might somehow fail you?
And now, do you ever dangle your toes over the precipice, dare the cliff to crumble, defy the frozen deity to suffer the sun, thaw feather and bone, take wing to fly you home?”
“God is love," she said. "And he respects love, whether it's between a parents, and child, a man and woman, or friends. I don't think he cares about religion one little bit. Live your life right. Love with all your heart. Don't hurt others, and help those in need. That is all you need to know. And don't worry about heaven. If it exists, you'll be welcome.”
“in a woman's womb.
another chance.
to make the world better.”
“Real love finds you once, if you're lucky.”
“Love is only found in books”
“Some people never find love at all, count yourself blessed if it ever happens your way”
“Would I ever find forever love? Do I really want to, when forever was a word without meaning?”
“But, though I was very much in lust with him, I knew from the start we were nothing like "forever." Maybe because forever is such a scary place.”
“You'll only find happy endings in books. Some books.”
“Do you ever dangle your toes over the precipice, dare the cliff to crumble, defy the frozen deity to suffer the sun, thaw feather and bone, take wing to fly you home?”
“Me? Beautiful? I'm plain as cardboard.
That may be how you see yourself, but the rest of the world would be hard to agree. You shine brighter than the Milky Way.
Now there are those who might try to take that from you, but you don't have to give it away. Keep on shining Pattyn.
And when the right young man comes along, he'll love you all the more for giftin' this sad planet with your light.”
“In my limited realm of experience, beginnings led to endings.”
“I felt angry,
frustrated.
I felt I didn't belong, not in my
church, not in my home, not
in my skin.
Amidst the chaos, i felt
alone,
in need of a friend instead of
a sister, someone detached from
my world.
The "woman's role" theory
disgusted me.
I would soon be a woman, and I
knew I could never perform as
expected.
I was tired of my mom's submission
to her religion, to her husband's
sick quest for an heir,
to his abuse.
I was sick of my dad, of
reaching for
him as he fell farther away
from us and into the arms of
Johnnie WB.”
“Something stirred beneath my skin, some being inside I'd only suspected existed, demon or angel, I couldn't say.”
“Dad staggered in, eyes eerily lit.
The corners of his mouth foaming spit.
His demons planned an overnight stay.
Mom motioned to take the girls away.
hide them in their rooms, safe in their beds.
We closed the doors, covered our heads,
as if the blankets could mute the sounds of his blows
or we could silence her screams behind out pillows.
I hugged the littlest ones close to my chest,
till the beat of my heart lulled them to rest.
Only then did I let myself cry.
Only then did I let myself wonder why
Mom didn't fight back, didn't defend,
didn't confess to family or friend.
Had Dad's demons claimed her soul?
Or was this, as well, a woman's role?”
“The love of her life dissolved into dreams.”
“God wasn't love, couldn't be love. Because for me, love was a corpse.”
“You shine like the Milky Way. Now, there are those who might try to take that from you, but you don't have to give it away. Keep on shining.”
“Later, Bishop Crandall dropped by
The house to give me a stern
reprimand. He sat across
the cluttered table,
playing with a paper clip.
'Your parents are worries about you, Pattyn.'
I was worried about myself.
But I wasn't about to let him
know it. "Really?"
'Really. What have you got to say for yourself? You've always been such a good girl.'
Good girl. Sit. Stay. Fetch.
Bristles rose up along my
spine. "Define good."
'I don't appreciate your attitude,
Pattyn. Fast and pray. Search your
soul for the inequities in your life.'
"Any inequity in my life
began when I was born
female. Can you fix that?"
'You'll have to fix that yourself,
by concentrating on the things
God expects of you.'
His two-faced rhetoric
was pissing me off. "You
mean like kissing your ass?"
He slammed his hand on the table.
'I will not listen to that sort
of language. Apologize!'
Behind me, I hear Mom
gasp. But I was on a roll.
"I'm sorry, Bishop
I'm sorry I ever believed
you might have something
worthwhile to say.”
“But more importantly, you are a gift, to all who know you, whether or not they realize it. If they don't, they are blind. You have a special place in this world. All you hvae to do is find it.”
“Communication
Was never big in my house.
We sat together over
dinner, but the only sound
you'd hear was crunching
and chewing and the little
ones asking for more, please.
We lived, all boxed up in
invisible containers. We
hardly knew the people
we called sister or father.
Jackie and I were the
exceptions to that rule.”
“I was about six years old, still Daddy's little girl, even though Daddy couldn't care less about me.
How could I expect any man every would?”
“Do not give up on yourself, on the truths you have realized. Do not give in to those who would crush your dreams like nutshells. And never turn away from forever love.”
“Defiance rose up like vomit.
I swung back and yelled,
"Don't ever do that again!”
“You think God would let a girl do something special?”
“I felt angry,
frustrated.
I felt I didn't belong, not in my,
church, not in my home, not
in my skin.”
“One Time, One Day
between Davie and Roberta ,
I asked my mom why she persisted,
kept on having baby after baby,
She looked
at me, at a spot between my eyes,
blinking like I had suddenly fallen
crazy. She paused before answering
as if
to confide would legitimize my fears.
She drew a deep breath, leaned against
the chair. I touched her hand and I thought
she might
cry. Instead she put baby Davie in my arms
Pattyn, she said, it's a woman's role.
I decided if it was my role, I'd rather
disappear.”
“If you've never shot a gun,
You can’t understand
how it feels in your hands.
Cool to the touch, all its venom
coiled inside, deadly,
like a steel-scaled serpent. Awaiting your bidding.
You select it’s prey… paper,
tin, or flesh. You lie in wait,
learn that patience is the killer’s
most trustworthy accomplice.
You choose the moment. What. Where. When. Decided.
But the how is everything.
You lift your weapon,
ease it into place, cock it,
to load it, knowing the
satisfying snitch means a bullet is yours to command.
Now, make or break,
it’s all up to you. You
aim knowing a hair either
way means bull’s-eye or miss.
Success or failure. Life or death.
You have to relax,
convince your muscles
not to be tense, not to betray
you. Sight again. Adjust.
Don’t become distracted by the heat of the hunt.
Instincts take over.
You shoot and adrenaline
screams as your target shreds
or the flesh drops. And for
one indescribable moment you are God.”
“I had never kissed a boy, had never even considered that I might enjoy such an unclean thing, until literature opened my eyes.”
“Concentrate. Level the sight. Breathe in.
Ease the trigger. And relax?
BLAP! The can somersaulted across the sand.
Pride swelled till I thought I'd burst.
But my pride slipped at Dad's reality check.
Not bad. Pretty good, in fact. For a girl.”
“They are committing the greatest indignity human beings can inflict on one another: telling people who have suffered excruciating pain and loss that their pain and loss were illusions. (v)”
“You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!”
“I know how you guys feel about us. I'm not stupid, and believe me, I've tried to get you out of my head. But there isn't enough liquor or art or any other distraction in the world to do it. I had to stop going to Wolfe's because it was too hard being that close to you, even if it was all just pretend fighting. I couldn't stand the touching. It was agonizing because it meant something to me-and I knew it meant nothing to you. I kept telling myself to stay away altogether, and then I'd find excuses… like the car… anything to be around you again.”
“Human beings are remarkable - at what we can learn to live with. If we couldn't get strong from what we lose, and what we miss, and what we want and can't have, then we couldn't ever get strong enough, could we? What else makes us strong?”
“The justifications of men who kill should always be heard with skepticism, said the monster.”
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