“Saw you out there in the garden. Looked so damn...fine," he said, quietly. "Was like I hadta have ya, right then. Bubbled up like...I dunno, puke or somethin'." Jack chuckled. "You sure have a way with words, D.”
“This ain't Halloween." he said.
"What's that mean?"
"Means I ain't sharin' my candy.”
“You got a better word for a guy who's swept my chimney five times in one night?"
-Dr. Jack Francisco”
“D, I have known a lot of men in my time,
queer and straight, and I think I can state with some
confidence that you are as gay as a spring parade." ~ Jack”
“Real fuckin' close. Too fuckin' close. Ta think I almos' put a bullet between them eyes, and took that life that now I'd die ta save, and I never woulda known what he was in the world, and who he was or could be, and I woulda never even known what I was missin', nor known how right it could feel just ta lay my fingers alongside his.”
“D snorted. “Gotta be prepared.” He looked up at Jack’s face, frowning. “What?” Jack shrugged. “It’s just….” He sighed. “I’m starting to see words like ‘accessory’ and ‘accomplice’ floating around my head.” D barely reacted. “How about ‘dead on arrival’? Ya like that better?” Jack nodded, pressing his lips together. “Get more ammo. Ammo is good.”
“And how do you really feel?
Like I'll never recover. Like I'll never draw another breath without half of it being a wish for him.”
“Kissing Jack wasn't what he'd expected. Not letting himself
do it for this long now seemed kind of stupid ... or a lot
stupid. What had he been afraid of? Too intimate, too
romantic, too ... just too. Sex was okay, even sucking dick
was okay. That was to get off. Kissing, though ... that you did
only because you had something to say that words didn't
quite do it for. That meant feelings and messiness.”
“Jus hold me a little longer, Jack. Tell me again that ya wanna be with me, fer real, cross yer heart 'n' let me know you ain't foolin', cause I dunno how or when it happen but somehow I come ta need ya like air, like blood. Touch me again like ya do with them gentle hands make me feel like somethin' precious. Say it again that ya love me, cause hearin' that was like openin' up some big bottomless well that ran dry years back and it cain't never be full enough now, I cain't never hear it enough, but once more, one more time and maybe I'll believe it a little more, and then a little more the next time, till someday I believe it fer true enough ta be able to say it back ta you like y'oughta hear it said cause God knows I love you more'n my own life, more'n anythin' in this world, but it cain't get outta me yet cause I still ain't the man I need ta be, the man who's gonna stand before you and declare.”
“He paused at the bedroom door, shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and walked right out like it was any other morning, and he and Jack would be having breakfast as if they hadn't had sex the night before.
"Morning," he said, casting a quick glance over his shoulder.
"Mmm," D grunted.
"You done in the bathroom?"
D blinked. No, I jus' took a little breather in the middle a my mornin' beauty ritual ta come out here 'n' chat with ya. A course I'm done.”
“Watching him from a distance for ten years doesn’t make you an expert, you know!”
“Sleeping with him for two months doesn’t make you one, either,” she said, cool as a cucumber.
Churchill recoiled with a wide-eyed “oh no she DIDN’T” expression that might have been funny under different circumstances.”
“I do not either want to, and them candies make me
think a my grandmother, so it's real fuckin' weird that you
turned 'em inta some kinda sex fantasy, okay? 'Cause then I
get all mixed up in my head where I'm in my grandma's livin'
room makin' Play-Doh french fries while you suck my dick and
that's just ten kinds a wrong. Even I ain't that fucked up.”
“Jack felt arousal spiking through him, clouding his mind with the wanting, wanting this man, all of him, black and tarry, rotted with disuse, glorious and fractured and spilling out of the cracks.”
“D stared out the window, shoving down the feeling that it might be real nice to sit here and tell Jack Francisco everything about himself, confess things he'd never told nobody, just to feel like somebody cared, and to keep those big blue eyes fixed on him for as long as he could.”
“No, Jack, we cain’t sneak by. These aren’t movie bad guys who don’t got no peripheral vision and we can just slip past while they’re lookin’ the other way. You want yer life, you gotta fuckin’ take it.”
“Maybe I could be a ninja assassin too, Jack thought.”
“Stud,” D repeated, growly and low. Jack snorted. “You got a better word for a guy who’s swept my chimney five times in one night?”
“Swept yer chimney!” D howled. “Aw shit, that is fuckin’ rich!”
“Yeah, it’s just that… well, most of the time in names, D is followed by some more letters. Like –onald, or –avid.”
“Get over here. We're having intimate bed conversation and I won't do it with a foot of mattress between us.”
“Jack laughed, a quick, surprised chuckle. “God, all I wanted these past months was the chance for you to get on my nerves.”
“Jack is somewhere in this city, right now.
The thought was like passing by a house where someone was grilling in the back yard. You could smell it, but it wasn't yours, and you couldn't just barge into their home and demand a burger, no matter how your mouth watered.”
“I love you. You don't have to say it back. You already said it, in so many words. But I want you to know, I want to say it, I want you to hear it and believe it.”
“If it were up to him, he'd keep Jack locked in a cage forever, where no one could get to him and he'd always be safe. But much as he might want to, much as he'd sleep better knowing that Jack was safe, he couldn't do that. "Safe" could quickly come to mean "trapped". And trapped things tended to want to escape.”
“Ya smell like sun," he murmured. D's voice was raw, like a man under hypnosis. "Ya know that smell? That toasty-skin smell, like ya get after goin' ta the beach?" He nodded a little. "I love that smell." He straightened, eyes lowered to the ground. "Reminds me a workin' on the ranch, when I was a kid. Ridin' with my brother, up in the hills, sun beatin' down turnin' our necks brown, our hands."
Jack didn't dare speak, or breathe, or make the tiniest move to disturb the so-rare Reverie. This glimpse into D's secret mind was like having a skittish deer approach him on a wooded trail; one false move and it would dart away into the brush, leaving him with only a flash of white tail before vanishing.”
“Okay." He let his eyes close and it was a relief; not just of relief of minutes, but of years.”
“I said, I ain't buyin' no chocolate covered cherries."
"Oh, come on. You know you want to."
D shook his head like Jack was just too much to be believed. "I do not either want to, and them candies makes me think of my grandmother, so it's real fuckin' weird that you turned 'em inta some kinda sex fantasy, okay? 'Cause then I get all mixed up in my head where I'm in my grandma's livin' room makin' Play-Doh french fries while you suck my dick and that's just ten kinds of wrong. Even I ain't that fucked up."
Jack laughed. "Not yet you aren't." He looked at D's face, smiling with him.”
“It was possible that this was just the latest assault in the ongoing campaign being waged by various nurses and fellow doctors to seduce him via baked goods.”
“He stood before the door, feeling uncharacteristically nervous. Hi. Uh... how are ya?
Hello, Jack. I'm back.
Shit, that fuckin' rhymes. Sounds like fuckin' Sesame Street.
Hi there. Off with yer clothes.
Nothin' like gettin' right ta the point, huh?”
“Neither of us is gonna be able to walk tomorrow."
"Who needs ta walk? Dunno 'bout you but I ain't plannin' ta leave this bed."
"What, we just lie here naked all weekend?"
"Somethin' wrong with that?"
"Might scandalize the marshals when they bring in my food."
"Aw, who the fuck cares."
Jack arched one eyebrow at him. "Who are you, and what have you done with D?”
“I know women are supposed to stand on their own and all. I get that. But every once in a while it doesn't hurt to wish for a fairy godmother, a little magic, and a happy ending.”
“I have been clinically depressed for most of my life. I once used drugs to fix it. Then I stopped. I stopped because I decided they were making me stupid, and I’d rather be miserable than stupid. I am what I am.”
“All of them are gone except for me.. And for me.. Nothing is gone.”
“What determines our brotherhood is what that man is by reason of Christ. Our community with one another consists solely in what Christ has done to both of us. This is true not merely at the beginning, as though in the course of time something else were to be added to our community; it remains so for all the future and to all eternity. I have community with others and I shall continue to have it only through Jesus Christ. The more genuine and the deeper our community becomes, the more will everything else between us recede, the more clearly and purely will Jesus Christ and his work become the one and only thing that is vital between us. We have one another only through Christ, but through Christ we do have one another, wholly, for eternity.”
“Who are you and what medications aren't you taking?" Finn said.”
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