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It’s weird, how you have no idea how far you’ve come until suddenly you can’t find the way back.

You can't just casually tell someone you carry caramel sauce around and walk away like thats a normal thing

A stolen day. The kind of day that ends too fast but stays with you much longer.

...the issue isn't so much what I want to be, but whether or not I can be it without hurting everyone else in the process.

You know, for someone named Pepper, you're pretty salty about losing.

It feels like there’s a fire in every corner of my brain, and instead of putting any of them out, I’m just frozen and watching it spread across the room.

Bluebird: How about this? If you don't show me I won't like you anymore Wolf: That logic is cruel but sound. You asked for this Wolf: macncheeseme.com Bluebird: Is this...is this an app for finding emergency mac and cheese Wolf: Life Spider-Man, I am only looking out for the citizens of New York

How can a person even know who they are if they don't know what they want?

I’m a perfectionist, through and through, and even at five, I had no interest in embarrassing myself.

But sometimes even shouting into a void feels better than just staring into it.

She turns her head so slowly to look at me that for a moment I am stricken with the weird unfamiliarity of being seen—no, not seen. Recognized. It’s rare enough someone knows I’m me and not Ethan without getting a good look at me. It’s straight up weird when someone can tell without fully turning around. The only person I know who can do that is Grandma Belly—my parents still mix us up so frequently that there’s about a 50 percent chance I am Ethan, and someone switched us along the way.

I don’t want this. But the problem is I do, and I don’t, and my feelings are still way too tangled for me to be able to say I don’t want to spend my whole future in this place when I also can’t imagine a future without it. It’s dumb, but I wish for a stupid, childish second I could just stay like this forever.

There’s a ghost of a smirk on Pepper’s face, but she’s so close, I can hear it more than I can see it. “Pepper and Jack,” she corrects me. Then her eyes light up. “Pepperjack.

Approximately eighteen hours after my kiss with Jack Campbell—my kiss with Jack Campbell—I am sitting at a card table with Pooja in the front entrance of the school behind our veritable army of baked goods, overanalyzing the situation to such an absurd degree, it is now less of a kiss and more of an FBI investigation.

I can see it too. That I don’t belong here. That even after all this time and everything I’ve done, the things I’ve pressed and organized and pushed into myself to fit into this place, home is still somewhere a thousand miles away. Farther than that, even. Because that version of home doesn’t exist anymore.

Are you a witch?” I ask, reaching in and taking a bite of one. It’s like Monster Cake, the Sequel—freaking Christmas in my mouth. I already want more before I’ve even managed to chew.

They’re here for your grilled cheese,” I told her. She fixed me with a look, crossing a leg on the massive armchair she spent most of her time in and raising a single eyebrow at me. “Not unless you changed my secret ingredient to cocaine, they’re not.

These are the things that tether me, the things I’ve always been and just assumed would always be. What she’s saying right now feels a lot like permission to leave it behind, and it scares me every bit as much as it relieves me.

This may have started with a war, but whatever it is now, there isn't an end in sight - not as long as we're both still winning.

I don't even make it to the bed, sitting on the floor for no real reason, really, except the bed seems too comfortable, and I don't deserve to ride this misery out in any kind of comfort.

Jack is the kind of person who fills silences. The kind of person who doesn't necessarily command attention, but always seems to sneak it from you anyway.

It's weird, how you have to idea how far you've come until suddenly you can't find the way back.

I've just assumed there were certain directions my life was going to take. The safe kind. The kind everyone else was taking, and I plowed through with a vengeance. It hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been brave either. The idea of actually straying from it is either thrilling or terrifying, the two feelings swallowing each other and spitting each other back out before I can settle on one.

I miss being able to prepare for things, and knowing where I fit. Not even knowing, really, because when you grow up somewhere, you don't have to think about fitting into it. You just do.

There's nothing quite as awkward as living in a shadow that is quite literally the same shape as yours.

It's not going to make the slightest difference...But sometimes even shouting into a void feels better than just staring into it.

The day ends with a shine already on the memory of it. It reminds me of the way Mom would, once a year, let me and Paige play hooky from school--she'd drive us all the way there and then just past the school and keep driving, and we'd get pancakes at IHOP or take pictures on the bridge or drive into Belle Meade and stare at all the mansions. A stolen day. The kind of day that ends too fast but stays with you much longer.

What I can’t let go of is the way I tried just now to tell my mum my world was falling apart, and she left.

Jactricia," I snicker, before I even realize what I'm saying--- and then we're both red in the face, because it's the first time we've mutually acknowledged the extreme awkwardness that is strangers actually, legitimately shipping us online. Pepper clears her throat. "Well, obviously, we need to petition for a better ship name." Some of the awkwardness diffuses, but the tension is still there, tight like a coil between us. "Jepper? Pack?" "Pass," she says, nudging me with her elbow again---and then something shifts. The apartment is eerily still, with the same kind of quiet there was in the pool the other day, where you're not sure if it's actually quiet or if the rest of the world's sounds just don't apply to you anymore. "Maybe just Jack and Pepper, then," I concede. There's a ghost of a smirk on Pepper's face, but she's so close, I can hear it more than I can see it. "Pepper and Jack," she corrects me. Then her eyes light up. "Pepperjack." It's ridiculous, but the word is like a key turning into a lock. And then impossibly, even though some part of me knew it would happen the moment I saw Pepper walk out of the subway, we lean in and our lips touch and we're kissing on my couch.