Sweet Bean Paste

All experience adds up to a life lived as only you could. I feel sure the day will come when you can say: this is my life.

I began to understand that we were born in order to see and listen to the world. And that's all this world wants of us. It doesn't matter that I was never a teacher or a member of the workforce, my life had meaning.

People’s lives never stay the same colour forever. There are times when the colour of life changes completely.

If all you ever see is reality, you just want to die.

It’s my belief that everything in this world has its own language. We have the ability to open up our ears and minds to anything and everything. That could be someone walking down the street, or it could be the sunshine or the wind.

If all you ever see is reality, you just want to die. The only way to get over barriers, she said, is to live in the spirit of already being over them.

If I were not here, this full moon would not be here. Neither would the trees. Or the wind. If my view of the world disappears, then everything that I see disappears too. It’s as simple as that.

Some lives are all too brief, while others are a continual struggle. I couldn’t help thinking that it was a brutal assessment of people’s lives to employ usefulness to society as a yardstick by which to measure their value.

When I hear stars whispering at night I feel part of the eternal flow of time.

That's why I made confectionery. I made sweet things for all those who lived with the sadness of loss. And that's how I was able to live out my life.

The world hasn’t changed. It’s just as cruel as it always was.

I know you may not be able to hear anything now, even if you try, but please don't give up. I fee sure that one day you will find whatever it is you seek, and that the spark that leads to it will come from hearing some kind of voice. People's lives never stay the same colour forever. There are times when the colour of life changes completely.

She said that was the only way for us to live, to be like the poets.

I remember it clearly. It was a night of the full moon, and I was walking alone in the woods. By then I had already begun Listening to the whispers of trees, and to the voices of insects and birds. On this night, the moon cast its pale, brilliant light on everything around me, and energy seemed to radiate from trees swaying in the wind. While I was alone on that path in the woods, I came face-to-face with the moon. And oh, what a beautiful moon it was! I was enchanted. It made me forget everything I had suffered ... The next thing, I thought I heard a voice that sounded very much like the moon whispering to me. It said: I wanted you to see me. That's why I shine like this. From then on I began to see everything differently. If I were not here, this full moon would not be here. Neither would the trees. Or the wind. If my view of the world disappears, then everything that I see disappears too. It's as simple as that. ...This idea changed me. I began to understand that we were born in order to see and listen to the world. And that's all this world wants of us. My life had meaning.

I believed that a life has no value if a person is not a useful member of society. I was convinced that humans are born in order to be of service to the world and to others.

It's just good hospitality,' Tokue countered. ‘For the customers?' ‘No. The beans.' ‘The beans?' ‘Because they came all the way from Canada. For us.

I don’t want to disappoint you, but Toku herself said at the time that she couldn’t actually hear the voices of beans. But if you live in the belief that they can be heard, then someday you might be able to hear them. She said that was the only way for us to live, to be like the poets. That’s what she said. If all you ever see is reality, you just want to die. The only way to get over barriers, she said, is to live in the spirit of already being over them.

Are you telling me to fire someone who’s not sick, just because she was in the past?

The pain also gets to you. That was another thing. It goes on and on, and some people choose to die. I thought I'd reached my limit. But for some reason I survived. And then Toku said to me, let's make confectionery. We'll keep going together, she said.

We were born in order to see and listen to the world.’ It’s a powerful notion, with the potential to subtly reshape our view of everything.

It was too late. By the time I was told that I could go out into society for the first time in decades and start over, it was much too difficult. If I had become free twenty years earlier I might have managed to start a new life outside. There were many of us like that, in our sixties and seventies, for whom it was too late. We discovered that once we experienced the joy of being out in the world and free again, the greater the happiness, the more we felt the pain of lost time and lives that could never be returned.

I’d like to get hold of the gods – if there really are any – and give them a good clout for all they put us through.

In the midst of darkness and a struggle we had no hope of winning, I held on to this one thing – the fact of our humanity – and I was proud of it.

It's my belief that everything in this world has it's own language.

I try to live a blameless life, but am crushed at times by peoples’ lack of understanding. Sometimes you just have to use your wits.

I Listened to the birds that visited Tenshoen, and the insects, trees, grass and flowers. To the wind, rain and light. And to the moon. I believe they all have voices. I can easily spend a whole day Listening to them. When I am in the woods at Tenshoen the whole world is there too. When I hear stars whispering at night I feel part of the eternal flow of time.

When I was little I didn't have any special dream about what I wanted to do when I grew up. It was wartime, and we were all more preoccupied by a vague kind of anxiety about simply staying alive.

I suppose that rumours must have spread about me, and you are probably still having a hard time as a result. If that’s the case, I made a mistake in not quitting sooner than I did. I try to live a blameless life, but am crushed at times by peoples’ lack of understanding. Sometimes you just have to use your wits. That’s something else I should have told you.