So You Want to Be a Villain?

What Foundling does isn’t thinking outside the box so much as stealing the box and hitting her opponents with it until they stop moving.” – Extract from “A Commentary on the Uncivil Wars”, by Juniper of the Red Moon Clan

Diplomacy is the art of selling a deal you don’t want to people you don’t trust for reasons you won’t admit to.” -Prokopia Lekapene, first and only Hierarch of the League of Free Cities

I’ll be honest, Chancellor – revenge is the motivation for over half the decrees I’ve made.” – Dread Empress Sanguinia II, best known for outlawing cats and being taller than her

I see I’ll have to take drastic measures to ensure intelligent conversation around here.” – Dread Empress Maledicta II, before having the tongues of the entire Imperial court ripped out

What say you, Empress of Praes? Here you lie upon the blood-soaked ruins of your dominion, surrounded by the corpses of the legions that once swarmed over the world. Hundreds of thousands dead for the sake of your wretched ambition, your mad design to bring to heel the kingdoms of man. In all the history of Creation no one woman has been so wicked as you, and I will have my answer. Why, o Empress of Ruins?” She shrugged. “Why not?” – Last lines of the “The Fall of Empress Triumphant, First and Only of Her Name

Never back the Praesi in a corner, son. That’s when the devil-summoning starts, and it’s all downhill from there.” -King Jehan of Callow, addressing the future King Pater the Unheeding

Now kneel, fools, and witness my ascension to GODHOOD!” – Last words of Dread Empress Sinistra IV, the Erroneous

Mercy might be the mark of a great man, but then so’s a tombstone.” – Extract from the personal memoirs of Dread Emperor Terribilis II

Those who live by the sword kill those who don’t.” – Dread Emperor Vile the First

Power is mostly a matter of making the right corpses at the right time.” – Dread Empress Malicia the First

How many Praesi does it take to change a lantern’s wick? A legion to conquer all the candlemakers, a High Lord to sell the wicks down south and then we’re taxed for being in the dark.” – Overheard in a Laure tavern

Our doctrine is one of cost-efficiency. Any officer who believes extermination of the enemy is a valid path to victory should immediately be demoted back to the ranks.” –Marshal Ranker

I’ve found that the best way to win at shatranj is usually to turn into a giant snake and tear my opponent’s throat out.” – Dread Empress Vindictive III

Ha! And I bet you didn’t even see it coming!” – Dread Emperor Traitorous the First

Threats are useless unless you have previously committed the level of violence your [sic] are threatening to use. Make examples of the enemies you cannot control so those that you can will be cowed. This is the foundation of ruling.” – Extract from the personal memoirs of Dread Emperor Terribilis II

Note: orc buoyancy is limited. Avoid fighting the damnable rebels near shoddily-built dams in the future.” – Extract from the journal of Dread Emperor Malignant II

Grand designs in war are a thing of vanity. Victory goes to the general that blunders the least.” – Theodosius the Unconquered, Tyrant of Helike

Trust is the victory of sentiment over reason.” -Extract from the personal memoirs of Dread Emperor Terribilis II

Who reigns up high? A dead man’s sigh What sleeps below? A crown of woe That is the Tower: Learn and cower.” – Extract from ‘And So I Dreamt I Was Awake’, Sherehazad the Seer

Always mistrust these three: a battle that seems won, a chancellor who smiles and a ruler calling you friend.” – Extract from the personal journals of Dread Emperor Terribilis II

Gaining power’s a lot like scaling a tower, Chancellor. The longer you do, the more likely you are to fall.” – Dread Empress Regalia the First, before ordering her Chancellor thrown out the window

Funny, isn’t it? No matter what language they speak, everyone sounds the same when you pull out their fingernails.” – Dread Emperor Foul III, “the Linguist

Where have all the good men gone? Graveyards, mostly.” – Dread Emperor Malevolent III, the Pithy

Please, do keep digging your own grave. I look forward to your splendidly inevitable demise.” – Dread Emperor Benevolent the First

A single strike parts a champion from a corpse.” – Praesi proverb