“You can scrub and scrub, but sometimes something doesn't just go away. It . . . it stains you.”
“Anything for you, Dru. And I mean it. Now, be quiet and let me concentrate.”
“Some part of me must've thought that would fix everything. Things, don't just get fixed, though. Things get broken, and somtimes they stay that way. You just have to glue them together and hope it holds.”
“And now things were as bad as they could get.
I winced inwardly. You're never supposed to even think that. Because it's just an invtation for the world, Real or otherwise, to throw something even more incredibly fucked up at you.”
“The only one," he murmured. His chin dipped a little bit. "You know that, Dru? You're the only person who's ever believed in me. You know what that'll do to a guy?"
What?"I-"
"It makes him want to live up to it.”
“Okay," I began. "You’re too old for me. You’re scary. It’s creepy that you were so all over my mom and now you’re all over me.”
“Come now, no use wastin sunshine.”
“Like a kid, I hadn't wanted to make it true by saying it out loud. Because if you don't say it, there's still a chance God, or someone, or anyone will notice the mistake and fix it.”
“I've talked to Bruce about it. He'll have kittens, and Hiro will have penguins, and August will completely throw a fit, but I've made up my mind. It's up to you”
“And I knew that tone, the pleading, the fear that was sitting like a spiked ball in his chest. He'd been left behind too, maybe more than I had.”
“You’re great at fixing things. If anyone could do it, you could. But you can’t do this one. You can’t fix me. I’m broke.”
“Stealing a car was easy. The hard part was putting up with the whining.”
“You’ve kidnapped my friend. Sucked her brain out! Not that she had much to begin with, but—”
“Bite me.” The laughter didn’t hurt, now. I didn’t even feel weird saying it. Bite me.
Pretty funny, for a part-vampire.
“Ha. You wish. Lesbo vamp girl.”
“Lesbo?”
“You love me.”
“We’d never work, Nat. You’re too high maintenance.”
We both cracked up, and right then, the darkness was kind.”
“You are right," he cried with an immense sigh of relief. "It is quite superficial." His face set like flint as he glared at our prisoner, who was sitting up with a dazed face. "By the Lord, it is as well for you. If you had killed Watson, you would not have got out of this room alive.”
“Phaethon asked: “Do you think there is something wrong with the Sophotechs? We are Manorials, father! We let Rhadamanthus control our finances and property, umpire our disputes, teach our children, design our thoughtscapes, and even play matchmaker to find us wives and husbands!”
“Son, the Sophotechs may be sufficient to advise the Parliament on laws and rules. Laws are a matter of logic and common sense. Specially designed human-thinking versions, like Rhadamanthus, can tell us how to fulfill our desires and balance our account books. Those are questions of strategy, of efficient allocation of resources and time. But the Sophotechs, they cannot choose our desires for us. They cannot guide our culture, our values, our tastes. That is a question of the spirit.”
“Then what would you have us do? Would you change our laws?”
“Our mores, not our laws. There are many things which are repugnant, deadly to the spirit, and self-destructive, but which law should not forbid. Addiction, self-delusion, self-destruction, slander, perversion, love of ugliness. How can we discourage such things without the use of force? It was in response to this need that the College of Hortators evolved. Peacefully, by means of boycotts, public protests, denouncements, and shunnings, our society can maintain her sanity against the dangers to our spirit, to our humanity, to which such unboundried liberty, and such potent technology, exposes us.”
(...) But Phaethon certainly did not want to hear a lecture, not today. “Why are you telling me all this? What is the point?”
“Phaethon, I will let you pass through those doors, and, once through, you will have at your command all the powers and perquisites I myself possess. The point of my story is simple. The paradox of liberty of which you spoke before applies to our entire society. We cannot be free without being free to harm ourselves. Advances in technology can remove physical dangers from our lives, but, when they do, the spiritual dangers increase. By spiritual danger I mean a danger to your integrity, your decency, your sense of life. Against those dangers I warn you; you can be invulnerable, if you choose, because no spiritual danger can conquer you without your own consent. But, once they have your consent, those dangers are all-powerful, because no outside force can come to your aid. Spiritual dangers are always faced alone. It is for this reason that the Silver-Gray School was formed; it is for this reason that we practice the exercise of self-discipline. Once you pass those doors, my son, you will be one of us, and there will be nothing to restrain you from corruption and self-destruction except yourself.
“You have a bright and fiery soul, Phaethon, a power to do great things; but I fear you may one day unleash such a tempest of fire that you may consume yourself, and all the world around you.”
“The love one feels for his significant is bigger than any ocean, deeper than any well, more powerful than any storm.”
“But, I believe," I continue, "I know what true love is - or what it should be."
"What should it be?" Tristan asks, his voice soft now.
"It should be a friendship and truly knowing who a person is, knowing his flaws and hopes and strengths and fears, knowing all of it. And admiring and caring for - loving the person because of those things.”
“You care for my daughter.”
“My love for her is stronger than my hatred of you. ’Tis why I’ll not raise arms against you today. Instead I ask your aid in the battle against the McHughs.”
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