“Are you prepared?" she asked when the other Valkyries had their passengers in place.
"Sure," Matt said. "But we could use a soundtrack this time. Maybe a little Wagner. Da-da-da DUM dum."
Hildar looked back at hiim blankly.
"Wagner? Ride of the Valkyries? Da-da-da...Er, never mind."
"Oh!" Baldwin said. "I know that one!"
"Don't feed the geek," Fen muttered.
"Hey," Matt said. "I'm not a-"
"Oh, yeah, you are, Thorsen. You really are," Fen said in a voice that might have been teasing.”
“There's something in there," Matt said. "Something alive. It punched me."
"Punched you?" Baldwin's face screwed up. "Are you sure a bat didn't fly into you? I bet there are a few in there."
Matt rubbed his tender jaw. "Unless its name is Bruce Wayne, that wasn't a bat.”
“It's the goats," he said, his voice low.
"The what?" Fen said.
"The, uh, goats. Thor ... in the myths ... Thor has goats."
Fen pressed his lips together, but after only a moment, he sputtered a laugh. Baldwin joined in. Even Laurie seemed to be trying to hold one back. Matt's cheeks heated.
"Seriously? Goats?" Fen said. "That is awesome."
"They're magical goats," Matt said.
"Magical ..." Fen couldn't even manage the rest without choking on his laughter.
"Do not mock the son of Thor," Hildar said. "The goats are very important. It is an aspect of the great god. Oku-Thor."
"Oku-Thor?" Fen said.
"Lord of the Goats," Hildar said.
All three burst out laughing, even Laurie. Matt tried to explain that wasn't the real translation - it meant "Driver Thor", referring to the goat cart he drove, not the actual goats, but no one was listening to him. The damage was done.”
“The draugr continued, "You say you are the champion? We can settle this easily. Inside that crypt lies Mjölnir. Bring it to me."
"It's a trick," Baldwin hissed.
"Yes, it is a trick," the draugr said. "If the boy is truly a Thorsen, he already knows that. Do you think no one has found that hammer before now? They have. But they cannot lift it. It lies in its bed of stone, and only Thor's true champion and raise it out. Only the living embodiment of the great god himself."
"Uh, isn't that Excalibur?" Baldwin said.
Matt tried to shush him, but Baldwin said, "It is Excalibur. With the stone. I saw the musical." He lowered his voice. "I think his brains are rotting, too. He seems confused."
"The son of Balder, I see," the draugr said. "I would believe you are the living embodiment of Frigg's doomed son. As pleasant and a sun-warmed stone. And just as intelligent."
"Hey!" Baldwin said.”
“The twins had returned.
"Goth Barbie and Ken, are you stopping in for a visit?" Fen asked as he came to his feet. "Just passing by?"
"Fen," Laurie cautioned him.
"No, it's fine. Wolf-boy felt abandoned," Reyna said. "We had a puppy once that misbehaved when we left it alone, and the trainer suggested a crate. Do we need a crate?"
"Funny." Fen bared his teeth at her.
Ray stepped up beside his twin.
Baldwin snorted in laughter, earning a dirty look from Fen and a smile from Reyna. "What?" he said. "It was funny." When Fen didn't crack a smile, Baldwin shrugged. "I thought it was funny.”
“I'm sorry," Matt said. "I messed up. Thank you for -"
"We had to rescue you. From buffalo."
Fen stepped forward. "And the fact that we messed up because we just finished rescuing Baldwin from Hel doesn't count at all? Really?"
"We are pleased with you for that, son of Loki. As we are pleased with the son of Thor for getting you all out of Hel safely."
"Um, I didn't get us out," Matt said. "It was a joint effort. I actually fell in a river of acid."
"As you should," she said. "We are pleased for that, too."
Obviously she was being sarcastic, but her expression and tone gave no sign of it.”
“The Jotunn looked like a two-headed WWE wrestler on nuclear-powered steroids,”
“The goats are on the move,”
“The stench of the thing was overpowering, smelling like a combination of rotting meat and an overfilled portable toilet in the hottest South Dakota summer. And”
“If I had been invited by my dear family sooner, I would've dealt with Glaemir by now," said a voice behind them.
"Aunt Helen!" Laurie exclaimed.
"Niece." The ruler of Hel wore another living dress, this one covered by death's-head moths. Aside from the tiny little skull shape on the backs of the moths, they weren't particularly odd. Helen's habit of dressing in living things, however, was a bit creepy.
"Speak of the devil," Fen murmured.
Helen laughed and shook her finger at him. "Now, now, Nephew. I'm standing here with the godlings. Would I do that if I were a devil?”
“What are you doing?"
Matt's eyes snapped open to see Reyna walking toward him.
"I was ... thinking," he said.
"That's a weird pose for thinking." She imitated him, closing her eyes and holding out her hand. Then she screwed up her face, like she needed to go to the bathroom.”
“When's the last time you called them?"
"I haven't. But they needed to rescue us just the other day. From the bison."
"They rescued you from -?" Reyna shook her head. " I don't want to know. So when else have they rescued you?"
"Well, never, but I'm supposed to do this on my own. They told me where to find Mjölnir, right after they gave me my goats."
"Goats? No, again, I don't want to know." She paused. "Wait, actually, I do. You get goats?"
"Magic battle goats."
"Of course. So you get magic goats, a magic necklace, a magic hammer, a magic shield. You're like the favourite child who gets all the best Christmas gifts. What does Freya have?"
"Um, a magic cloak."
She waved that off. "Got it already. What else?"
"There's the boar, Hildisvini."
"Who? What?"
"Hildisvini. He's a boar. It's a wild pig -"
"I know what a boar is. That's almost as bad as goats. What else?"
"Um ... swans, I think?"
"Swans? Great. You get killer goats, and I get pretty birds."
"Have you ever met a swan? They're vicious. I think I'd rather take my chances with a goat."
Her eyes lit up. "Really? Now that would be cool. Everyone would think they were just pretty birds and then they attack. Stealth swans.”
“Can I get my swans?" Reyna asked.
Hildar turned to her. "Freya does not have swans."
"Right," Matt said. "I got that wrong. Sorry. Freya is said to be the leader of the Valkyries, who are swan maidens."
"We are not swan maidens," Hildar said, straightening and lifting her sword.
"But you can turn into swans."
"No, we are not swans."
"Not even vicious killer swans?" Reyna asked.
"No."
"Okay, but I'm still your leader, right, Like Matt said, Freya -"
"No." Hildar hesitated. "You are not battle proven. You may lead us one day. But we are still not swans.”
“So what do I get?" Reyna asked.
"You already have the cloak."
"How about this boar Matt mentioned?"
"Not yet, daughter of Freya." Hildar paused, as if thinking. "There is the chariot drawn by cats."
"Cats? Like leopards? Tigers?"
"Just cats. House cats, I believe you call them.”
“There's something in there," Matt said. "Something alive. It punched me."
"Punched you?" Baldwin's face screwed up. "Are you sure a bat didn't fly at you? I bet there are a few in there."
Matt rubbed his tender jaw. "Unless its name is Bruce Wayne, that wasn't a bat.”
“If there was one thing worse than seeing a giant's head rise from the ground, it was seeing two giant heads. Belching fire. Still, if they killed Matt, his soul wouldn't have far to travel ... considering he was already in the afterlife.
"At least it's only one giant," Matt said as they crouched behind a rock.
Fen gave him a look.
"What? It's true. A single two-headed giant is better than two one-headed giants."
And this, Matt realized, was what their world had come to. A week ago, his biggest worry was failing his science fair project. Now he was taking comfort in the thought that he faced only one fifty-foot-tall, fire-breathing giant.”
“When the mist passed, the “statue” stood another ten feet away. “See?” Matt said. “That’s creepy,” Fen grumbled. “Statues aren’t supposed to move.” “They’re”
“Okay, so Hildar said that Glaemir only has some of his people with him, forty or so, and I already told the ... goats to meet us there." Matt paused sort of awkwardly. "Hildar gave me directions that the goats could follow, so they're on the move."
"The goats are on the move," Baldwin said in a low voice before cracking up.
The twins smiled at him. Fen rolled his eyes, but like everything Baldwin did, Fen thought it was fine. Even Owen's lips curled in a small grin.”
“The draugr leaped up, surprisingly agile for a leather-bound skeleton. "The true champion would never have let Mjölnir slip from his grasp. You are an impostor, and I will put you in the earth, where you belong."
It was a great speech. The draugr even followed it up with a roar, ready to reinflate. Except ... well, the problem with battlefield speeches? If you're talking, you aren't fighting.
So when the draugr began to roar, he got it from all sides. An arrow in the back of the head. A wolf clamping down on his arm bone. And Matt running full speed and slamming him in the face with the shield.”
“Are you prepared?" she asked when the other Valkyries had their passengers in place.
"Sure," Matt said. "But we could use a soundtrack this time. Maybe a little Wagner. Da-da-da DUM dum."
Hildar looked back at him blankly.
"Wagner? Ride of the Valkyries? Da-da-da ... Er, never mind."
"Oh!" Baldwin said. "I know that one!"
"Don't feed the geek," Fen muttered.
"Hey," Matt said. "I'm not a -"
"Oh, yeah, you are, Thorsen. You really are," Fen said in a voice that might have been teasing.”
“Fen stared helplessly at the pocket that had been on his jeans and now was dangling half out of the goat's mouth. "It bit me!"
"Nooo," Laurie corrected. "It bit your jeans."
Fen looked over his shoulder where his boxers were now exposed for any and all to see. Considering where they stood - utterly surrounded by goats - any and all was pretty much three other descendants of the North and a heard of goats.
Matt grinned. "You might not want to walk around like that."
"I think I have a ... skirt in my bag." Laurie couldn't even finish the sentence without laughing. Her words were broken up by giggles.
Fen's expression was somewhere between horrified and furious. "Thanks," he said sarcastically.
"Scots wore kilts," Baldwin pointed out, "and some guys like skirts -"
"No," Fen interrupted. "I'm not 'some guys' ... or Scottish." He rummaged in his backpack and pulled out a flannel shirt. Instead of putting it on, he tied it around his hips so the shirt hung down over his backside.
"All fixed," Fen pronounced with a smug smile ... which lasted all of a moment before several goats started trying to nibble the dangling shirt.”
“Everyone would think they were just pretty birds and then they attack. Stealth swans.” Matt”
“1496: La Conceptión Sacrilege Bartholomew Columbus, Christopher’s brother and lieutenant, attends an incineration of human flesh. Six men play the leads in the grand opening of Haiti’s incinerator. The smoke makes everyone cough. The six are burning as a punishment and as a lesson: They have buried the images of Christ and the Virgin that Fray Ramon Pane left with them for protection and consolation. Fray Ramon taught them to pray on their knees, to say the Ave Maria and Paternoster and to invoke the name of Jesus in the face of temptation, injury, and death. No one has asked them why they buried the images. They were hoping that the new gods would fertilize their fields of corn, cassava, boniato, and beans. The fire adds warmth to the humid, sticky heat that foreshadows heavy rain. (103)”
“Women readers aren`t turned on by nice heroes any more than male readers lust after heroines who are too virtuous.There should be at least a hint,maybe even a promise, of corruptibility.”
“The thing to remember when you're writing," he said, " is, it's not whether or not what you put on paper is true. It's whether it wakes a truth in your reader. I don't care what literary device you might use, or belief systems you tap into--if you can make a story true for the reader, if you can give them a glimpse into another way of seeing the world, or another way that they can cope with their problems, then that story is a succes.”
“There always have been and there always will be people who have been corrupted into enjoying any excuse for cruelty.”
“Okay, so I'm completely undignified. As soon as school got out, I ran up to Kim, Nora and Cricket on the quad and told them the news. They were completely surprised and excited: Cricket was even jumping up an down. "Shiv! Ag!" she yelled.
"He's fine," said Nora, giggling.
"Have you seen him in his rugby uniform? He has some serious legs," said Kim.
"How did it happen?" Cricket wanted to know.
I told all.
They wanted to know more.
"What did it feel like?"
Electricity.”
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