Like Gravity

No amount of soul searching would fix my past. There was no magical Band-Aid I could stick on my heart, no special glue I could use to make myself whole again. I had shattered to pieces like a fragile vase on concrete; some fragments could be roughly cobbled back together, but many of my vital parts had simply turned to dust, pulverized and scattered by the first gust of wind.

Maybe there aren’t any happily ever afters, or white knights who ride in on valiant steeds to save the day. Maybe, in real life, Prince Charming isn’t always perfect – he’s just as flawed as everyone else in the tale. And that princess, alone in her tower? She’s not perfect either. Birds don’t braid her hair every morning, she can’t serenade wild forest creatures into servitude, and she doesn’t even own a ball gown. But she’s also smart enough to know not to accept poisoned apples from strangers, or prick her finger on deadly spindles. She doesn’t wait around for a prince to charge in and slay the dragon. Maybe she saves herself and in the end, rides off into her own goddamned sunset.

Grief is a kick in the chest. It steals your breath, hits you so hard you think you’ll never stand back up again. And it’s not just because you’re grieving death or heartbreak or loss – you’re grieving change. You’re grieving the life that might have been, if it hadn’t all gotten fucked up along the way.

Being near you, Brooklyn…it’s like breathing. I don’t have a choice about it; I just have to do it or I know I won’t survive very long.

Home. It’s wherever I’m with you.

Well, in my experience, it's usually the things we're most afraid of that end up being the most worthwhile.

Marriage (noun): betting someone half your stuff that you'll love them forever.

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

There's a song for every feeling, Bee. Every tear, every smile, every heartbreak and every victory. Music ignites the soul and strips us bare. It's our very essence. Even if you have no one else to turn to and you feel all alone, remember that you can always find comfort in ballads and melodies, serenades and love songs.

You’ll take chances on people, and they’ll hurt you. You’ll try some things, and you’ll fail at them. And that’s okay, Bee – that’s life. You can’t stop living it because you’re scared. You can’t wait on the cliff’s edge forever, just because it’s safe.

One of the many things I failed to understand about so-called “normal” people was their inability to just enjoy the quiet. Were they so afraid of others’ judgment that they felt it necessary to prattle on indefinitely, in hopes of keeping the conversation superficial and safe? Or was it that they were afraid to look, even for a short time, into the depths of their own mind – to truly examine their own thoughts –for fear they wouldn’t like what they saw?

Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

Perceptiveness was not a quality I encouraged in those I spent time with.