James Patterson · 320 pages
Rating: (9K votes)
“Have you ever done something extremely stupid like, oh, I don’t know, try to make a room filled with total strangers laugh until their sides hurt? Totally”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life doing something, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“wanted that to be my bedroom,” he says. “It’d be so easy to sneak out at night to TP yards, egg cars, and punch people.” Yes, Stevie has an active social life.”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“A lot healthier than getting socked in the stomach. Especially if you had a big breakfast.”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“Yes, I have a very small and mostly nerdy fan club. And much to my amazement, it grows a little larger every day. Apparently, these new recruits liked what they saw of my act on YouTube (even though everybody wishes that doofus blocking the camera had a smaller head).”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“The school crossing guard is a zombie?” screams the youngest Smiley. Then she starts crying. “I hugged her once, Mommy! Am I gonna turn into a zombie, too?” “Take it easy, dear,” says Aunt Smiley. “It’s just a joke. I think. Right, Jamie?”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“Okay, so how, exactly, did I get into this mess—up onstage at a comedy club, baking like a bag of French fries under a hot spotlight that shows off my sweat stains( including one that sort of looks like Jabba the Hutt), with about a thousand beady eyeballs drilling into me?”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“Stevie Kosgrov is my very own somewhat demented Dudley Dursley—if Dudley had muscles and serious BO issues and knew how to jam people’s heads down toilets to give them a swirly. Yes,”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“Chapter 16 ME AND MY CRAZY FRIENDS Yes, the other Smileys finally came home and, yes, my body finally thawed out. (Now”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“It was at night,” I say. “What was?” “What happened. The car wreck. We were driving along the Storm King Highway.” “Where’s that?” “Oh, it’s one of the most scenic drives in the whole state,” I say, somewhat sarcastically. “Route 218. The road that connects West Point and Cornwall up in the Highlands on the west side of the Hudson River. It’s narrow and curvy and hangs off the cliffs on the side of Storm King Mountain. An extremely twisty two-lane road. With a lookout point and a picturesque stone wall to stop you from tumbling off into the river. Motorcycle guys love Route 218.” We stop moving forward and pause under a streetlamp. “But if you ask me, they shouldn’t let trucks use that road.” Cool Girl looks at me. “Go on, Jamie,” she says gently. And so I do. “Like I said, it was night. And it was raining. We’d gone to West Point to take the tour, have a picnic. It was a beautiful day. Not a cloud in the sky until the tour was over, and then it started pouring. Guess we stayed too late. Me, my mom, my dad.” Now I bite back the tears. “My little sister. Jenny. You would’ve liked Jenny. She was always happy. Always laughing. “We were on a curve. All of a sudden, this truck comes around the side of the cliff. It’s halfway in our lane and fishtailing on account of the slick road. My dad slams on the brakes. Swerves right. We smash into a stone fence and bounce off it like we’re playing wall ball. The hood of our car slides under the truck, right in front of its rear tires—tires that are smoking and screaming and trying to stop spinning.” I see it all again. In slow motion. The detail never goes away. “They all died,” I finally say. “My mother, my father, my little sister. I was the lucky one. I was the only one who survived.”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“However, I had been hoping that Donald Trump would just drop me off in one of his helicopters.”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
James Patterson
Born place: in Newburgh, New York, The United States
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“For those of us who can, there are certain precautions we must take in order to protect ourselves and those around us. The first and most important is this-never acknowledge the dead. Don't look at them, don't speak to them don't let them sense your fear. Even when they touch you"..."The second thing you must remember is this," Papa said. "Never stray too far from hallowed ground."..."Rule Number Three," he said. "Keep your distance from those who are haunted. If they seek you out, turn away from them, for they constitute a terrible threat and cannot be trusted." ..."Rule Number Four," he said sternly. "Never, ever tempt fate.”
― Amanda Stevens, quote from The Restorer
“The Marines see that I’m a television reporter working solo—shooting, writing and transmitting my reports without a crew—and they tell me they like my self-reliance. I tell them it’s a necessity, because no one wants to work with me anymore.”
― Kevin Sites, quote from In the Hot Zone: One Man, One Year, Twenty Wars
“In an interesting attempt at avoiding any possible external prosecution for mercenary activities, the contract stipulated that Sandline personnel be deputized “special constables,” sworn in as PNG police officers, but given military rank. This provision meant that although they were not Papua New Guinea citizens, they would nevertheless have the legal authority to carry weapons, arrest local citizens, and act forcibly in “self defense” (to be interpreted by the firm itself).”
― P.W. Singer, quote from Corporate Warriors: The Rise of the Privatized Military Industry
“What’s that smell?” Reynolds asked.
That smell is the stuff they grow mushrooms in.”
DeForrest sniffed the air. “Shit?” he asked.
Captain Suzie shrugged. “Manure.”
― David Wellington, quote from 13 Bullets
“On the edge of town, Fitzgerald saw a sight “that has never left my memory. It was a picture story of the death of one 82nd Airborne trooper. He had occupied a German foxhole and made it his personal Alamo. In a half circle around the hole lay the bodies of nine German soldiers. The body closest to the hole was only three feet away, a potato masher [grenade] in its fist.II The other distorted forms lay where they had fallen, testimony to the ferocity of the fight. His ammunition bandoliers were still on his shoulders, empty of M-1 clips. Cartridge cases littered the ground. His rifle stock was broken in two. He had fought alone and, like many others that night, he had died alone.”
― Stephen E. Ambrose, quote from D-Day, June 6, 1944: The Battle for the Normandy Beaches
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