James Patterson · 320 pages
Rating: (9K votes)
“Have you ever done something extremely stupid like, oh, I don’t know, try to make a room filled with total strangers laugh until their sides hurt? Totally”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life doing something, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“wanted that to be my bedroom,” he says. “It’d be so easy to sneak out at night to TP yards, egg cars, and punch people.” Yes, Stevie has an active social life.”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“A lot healthier than getting socked in the stomach. Especially if you had a big breakfast.”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“Yes, I have a very small and mostly nerdy fan club. And much to my amazement, it grows a little larger every day. Apparently, these new recruits liked what they saw of my act on YouTube (even though everybody wishes that doofus blocking the camera had a smaller head).”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“The school crossing guard is a zombie?” screams the youngest Smiley. Then she starts crying. “I hugged her once, Mommy! Am I gonna turn into a zombie, too?” “Take it easy, dear,” says Aunt Smiley. “It’s just a joke. I think. Right, Jamie?”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“Okay, so how, exactly, did I get into this mess—up onstage at a comedy club, baking like a bag of French fries under a hot spotlight that shows off my sweat stains( including one that sort of looks like Jabba the Hutt), with about a thousand beady eyeballs drilling into me?”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“Stevie Kosgrov is my very own somewhat demented Dudley Dursley—if Dudley had muscles and serious BO issues and knew how to jam people’s heads down toilets to give them a swirly. Yes,”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“Chapter 16 ME AND MY CRAZY FRIENDS Yes, the other Smileys finally came home and, yes, my body finally thawed out. (Now”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“It was at night,” I say. “What was?” “What happened. The car wreck. We were driving along the Storm King Highway.” “Where’s that?” “Oh, it’s one of the most scenic drives in the whole state,” I say, somewhat sarcastically. “Route 218. The road that connects West Point and Cornwall up in the Highlands on the west side of the Hudson River. It’s narrow and curvy and hangs off the cliffs on the side of Storm King Mountain. An extremely twisty two-lane road. With a lookout point and a picturesque stone wall to stop you from tumbling off into the river. Motorcycle guys love Route 218.” We stop moving forward and pause under a streetlamp. “But if you ask me, they shouldn’t let trucks use that road.” Cool Girl looks at me. “Go on, Jamie,” she says gently. And so I do. “Like I said, it was night. And it was raining. We’d gone to West Point to take the tour, have a picnic. It was a beautiful day. Not a cloud in the sky until the tour was over, and then it started pouring. Guess we stayed too late. Me, my mom, my dad.” Now I bite back the tears. “My little sister. Jenny. You would’ve liked Jenny. She was always happy. Always laughing. “We were on a curve. All of a sudden, this truck comes around the side of the cliff. It’s halfway in our lane and fishtailing on account of the slick road. My dad slams on the brakes. Swerves right. We smash into a stone fence and bounce off it like we’re playing wall ball. The hood of our car slides under the truck, right in front of its rear tires—tires that are smoking and screaming and trying to stop spinning.” I see it all again. In slow motion. The detail never goes away. “They all died,” I finally say. “My mother, my father, my little sister. I was the lucky one. I was the only one who survived.”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
“However, I had been hoping that Donald Trump would just drop me off in one of his helicopters.”
― James Patterson, quote from I Funny: A Middle School Story
James Patterson
Born place: in Newburgh, New York, The United States
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“Happiness, like life itself, was as fragile as a bird’s heartbeat, as fleeting as the bluebells in the wood, but while it lasted,”
― Kate Atkinson, quote from A God in Ruins
“...bathed in the thick honey gold of the sun through encircling trees only just beginning to turn the muted metal colors of fall.”
― Anne Rivers Siddons, quote from Colony
“A couple of days of this powdered cuisine and my uncle actually lost a few pounds. Things were going well until he decided that adding a couple of scoops of Baskin-Robbins improved the flavor substantially. Following”
― Firoozeh Dumas, quote from Funny in Farsi: A Memoir of Growing Up Iranian in America
“his coven’s territory? It made his coven look bad—worse than bad. It made them look defenseless. The entire vampire race would convene and hold them to account. And if they didn’t find this rogue, it could mean an outright war. War at a time when they could not afford to have one, at just the moment they were”
― Morgan Rice, quote from Turned
“Kat held herself in until she heard the front door whoosh shut behind him. Then the tears came—tears of shame and pain and embarrassment. Tears of rejection that stung worse than all the others put together. He really doesn’t care. Doesn’t want me. Putting a hand over her mouth, she sobbed. Lock was there suddenly, enfolding her in his arms and raining soft, consoling kisses on her hair. “Oh my lady,” he whispered brokenly. “I’m so sorry. So very sorry.” “I shouldn’t let him get to me.” Kat blotted her eyes against the back of her hand. “But I feel so stupid. Liv kept saying tonight that maybe he was just afraid to love me or that he felt unworthy.” She shook her head. “I’m the unworthy one.” “No, you’re not!” Lock took her face in his hands and looked at her earnestly. “You’re beautiful and intelligent and perfect. If only I could be free of him, I would bond you to me as quickly as I could. If you’d have me, that is.” Kat sniffed and straightened up. “Thank you, Lock. I wish I could,” she whispered. “But I can’t be with a man who doesn’t want me and there’s no way to separate the two of you. I’m sorry.” A look of sorrow passed over Lock’s face. “Will you let me hold you tonight, at least?” he asked softly. “Since tonight is the last night I’ll ever be able to do so?” Kat knew by now that he didn’t care about the pain the physical contact would cause him. “Yes.” Turning her head, she kissed his broad palm. “Yes, I’d like that very much.” “Thank you, my lady.” Lock swung her up into his arms and carried her back to bed. Kat”
― Evangeline Anderson, quote from Sought
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