Bumped

Faith is accepting what makes no sense, what we cannot prove, but know down deep in our souls is real.

Prayers are answered in one of four ways,” she said. “Yes. No. I have something else in mind. And . . .” She paused long enough for my impatience to show. “And what’s the fourth answer?” “Wait,” she said.

I can let my true self shine in front of God.

Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts

It's human nay-cha...For me to sperminay-cha.

I know. It's shocking to think that the government would try to stick its nose in our ladyparts.

Hornergy' is Zen's term for the indomitable athletic edge powered by sexual restraint. The basketball, baseball and football teams haven't had a winning season in years. The table-tennis team, however, is undefeated.

Where are you in your cycle? Oh, WHO CARES? Let's get you two BUMPING right away. We don't want another trimester to go by with a FLAT TUMMY. And not to put any pressure on you or anything, but it would be just BREEDY if you could deliver the goods by next March.

They predicted sixteen years ago, almost before anyone else, that girls like me - prettier, smarter, healthier - would be the world's most invaluable resource. And like any rare commodity in an unregulated marketplace, prices for our services would skyrocket. It wasn't about the money, really, not at first. It was about status. Who had it, and who didn't. And my parents did everything in their power to make sure I had it.

I'm in crisis. I'm about to bump with a five-foot chino-chicano.

I’m about to ask when I remember something important: I don’t give a damn.

I know she’s young, but she’s old enough to know that such blatant bumpwatching is just about the rudest thing you can do to someone in my concave condition.

But this won’t happen until Ventura surrenders the pee stick. And she’s clutching the gold-plated positive pregnancy test like a talisman, unwilling to let it go and let someone else get a word in edgewise.

Since our school went MiNet blind, it’s for seriously more like 1836 than 2036.

YOU’RE GONNA GET BUMPED BY THE BEST MAN BRAND IN THE BUSINESS.

Just thinking about all the drama gets my tubes in a twist.

A free society cannot force girls to have children, but a free market can richly reward those who do. —Ashley and Tyler Mayflower, PhDs, Princeton University

She taught me everything I know about what it means to be a good wife and mother, nourishing me with all the fruits of the spirit: joy, peace, kindness, faithfulness, and gentleness. What’s happened to me since then isn’t her fault. She did the best she could.

...words can serve as a bomb or a balm..." -Harmony

But the closer I got to my own marriage and maternity, the more I felt like I was only as praiseworthy as my healthy womb. Why was I the only one who seemed to see it this way?

Those were the best times, when I was still all promise and potential. Because right now I’m definitely not the most important sixteen-year-old on the planet. Not even ish. I’m just another prebumped girl dangerously close to wasting her prime reproductivity.