This Star Won't Go Out: The Life and Words of Esther Grace Earl

Just be happy, and if you can't be happy, do things that make you happy. Or do nothing with the people that make you happy.

I do hope that when the day comes, whether in 1, 10, or 100 years, I don’t want you to think of me and feel sad.

We live in a world defined by its boundaries: You cannot travel faster than the speed of light. You must and will die. You cannot escape these boundaries. But the miracle and hope of human consciousness is that we can still conceive of boundlessness.

The measure of a friendship is not its physicality but its significance. Good friendships, online or off, urge us toward empathy; they give us comfort and also pull us out of the prisons of our selves.

And I realize now that that was . . . that’s the best way to love someone. Hold them close, know that you’re loved, let it wash over you

When loved ones die, people always say, “Don’t be sad. I’m sure they would have wanted you to be happy.” I’m sure that’s true. But let’s be realistic here, people also want to be missed. It is every person’s nightmare to leave the world behind as if they had never been there at all.

I dislike the phrase 'Internet friends,' because it implies that people you know online aren't really your friends, that somehow the friendship is less real or meaningful to you because it happens through Skype or text messages. The measure of a friendship is not its physicality but its significance.

I feel very lucky to know you—and as far as I have seen, to know you is literally to love you.

She used that word at some point referring to her family's love, infinite, and I thought about how infinite is not a large number. It is something else entirely. It is boundlessness.

I forget, because it’s hard to realize that the same person who gives you so much love, and to whom you give so much in return, can go through the kinds of pain and suffering that nothing you do can alleviate.

If one person sits down at their computer one day and types one word, dose that affect the future? If that one person didn't type that one word, would the future's history be changed? Dose their one word even mean anything? Dose my one (times a lot) word mean anything? Dose that one person's one word even get read-once? If I wasn't sitting here writing my words, would my future be different?

God is the reason I’m surviving, but he’s sure used you in my life wonderfully. I love you.

And I remember telling God that whatever happens, happens. I remember telling myself "He's in control.

Every time I look at it, It looks back at me I love the sea, its waters are blue And the sky is too And the sea is very dear to me If when I grow up and the sea is still there Then I’ll open my eyes and smell the fresh air Because the sea is very dear to me The sea is very calm and that’s why I like it there The sand is brand new and the wind blows in my hair And the sea is very dear to me.

I know I always carry her with me, and to have a piece of her grace shine through me is a gift I will continually strive to earn.

In these pages, and in my memories, she reminds me that a short life can also be a good and rich life, that it is possible to live with depression without being consumed by it, and that meaning in life is found together, in family and friendship that transcends and survives all manner of suffering. As the poet wrote in the Bible's Song of Solomon, 'Love is strong as death.' Or perhaps even stronger.

Death is not the final word but the “next great adventure

What’s the point of opening yourself up to your friends if they don’t notice you in your vulnerable state? The point of it all is to love friends completely and utterly, at their best and worst, and to love more than just the good things. It’s about showing that you’re willing to accept them for whatever they are, that they should not feel insecure or self-conscious in your presence, which can be a hard task to achieve.

A life is not meant to be half lived. It is meant to be fully, wholly embraced. If you want to make a change in the world you have to be strong. You have to take chances. You have to persevere. Sometimes you must blindly go in a direction that you may be unsure of, but one that you have faith will lead you to the right place.

At the end of our life, author Jack Kornfield says, the most important question is not how hard we worked or how much we accomplished. It’s “Did I Love Well?

Love is Stronger. Love and hope are conjoined, if you separate one, you kill the other. If hope survives then love endures. Where even a sliver of love exists, the thinnest of hopes has room to grow.

I most definitely knows God is strong. If he were weak he would not have been able to hold me when I'm tired, and he dose. His graciousness is wonderful, when we get annoyed at him he says "I Forgive You" always. God can be trusted, and we, or at least I, have found that not trusting God to keep me safe through all this cancer stuff would drive me crazy.

I always called her Star. I always called her Estee. And Grace was just the reminder we didn't want to forget that it's all about grace. It's all about the fact that we don't deserve these good things, but they're ours anyway, to enjoy and to share and to delight in.

Isn’t it sad that so often it takes facing death to appreciate life and each other fully? I hope you are making a difference for someone today . . .

And those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above; and those who turn many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever.” ~Daniel 12:3

Esther, I don’t know what I’m going to do without you when you go. I don’t know how I can get along. What am I going to do?” And then I just expected her like always to say, “Well, Dad, let me tell you; here’s what you do, A B C.” But she said, “Come here.” She just hugged me; held me close, didn’t say anything, didn’t say anything. And I realize now that that was . . . that’s the best way to love someone. Hold them close, know that you’re loved, let it wash over you. We got to love her and she got to love us. Amen?

Her life was her book. She didn’t get to choose the ending, but the way she filled the pages makes her story irresistible.

My life is really stressful and before finding the vlogbrothers, nerdfighteria, you guys, I wasn't you know dead, but I really do feel like I have so much more in my life.

Isn’t it sad that so often it takes facing death to appreciate life and each other fully?

One day I realized, without God, nothing matters. So, I asked Him into my heart.

Just, you know . . . remember that you’re lucky even if you don’t think you are. Because there’s always something you can be thankful for.