“There is a stark difference between fear and uncertainty, Sarai. You fear nothing but are uncertain of everything.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“You made me feel real emotions. You unlocked me.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“I don’t want to sleep alone,” she says gently.
And I don’t force her to. Sarai falls fast asleep curled up next to me in my bed. Right where I want her.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“Victor Faust did much more than help me escape a life of abuse and servitude. He changed me.
He changed the landscape of my dreams, the dreams I had every day about living ordinarily and free
and on my own. He changed the colors on the palette from primary to rainbow—as dark as the colors
of that rainbow may be.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“She looks defeated. Beautiful and soft and damaged standing there before me partially clothed in the light of the moon beaming through the tall window. Beautiful, but defeated. That look in her eyes, it somehow latches onto my soul and all I want is for her to turn and walk away. Because I know that if she doesn't, if she presses me further with those soft lips and sad, vulnerable eyes that I'll succumb to the moment and either fuck her or kill her.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“This goes against everything that I am, Sarai," he says and then kisses me. "No, it doesn't," I whisper and kiss him back. "It's you becoming more of who you really are.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“I am not your hero. I am not the other half of your soul who could never let anything bad ever happen to you. -trust your instincs first always, and me, if you choose, last.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“Beautiful but defeated and damaged. Damaged for the rest of her life and no amount of emotional mutilation will ever fully give her back her innocence. The girl is a ticking time bomb, a danger to herself and very possibly to others. I wasn’t sure before, but now I know that she is more unstable than I ever could have imagined. And because she is so skilled at hiding it, not only from me but also from herself, she is more dangerous than I am.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“Despite my growing fear, I still want to be right where I am, trapped in the merciless arms of a killer.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, but it’s not a guarantee because no matter how much you trust me, you should never, under any circumstances trust anyone fully. In the end, you can only trust yourself. I am not your hero. I am not the other half of your soul who could never let anything bad ever happen to you. Trust your instincts first always, and me, if you choose, last”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“I’m definitely not some kind of reformed badass created by my extraordinary experiences, either. Just ask the spider that crawled on me the other night while I was reading a book in bed. Mrs. Gregory about had a heart attack I screamed so loud.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“And when I get mad, I always cry. It’s how I’ve been for as long as I can remember. And I hate it.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“I am discipline. Sarai is rage.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“I want her to look upon me, just for a moment. But she never does and I walk away. Sarai I feel like I should be like Cordelia, sitting next to me wide awake yet unaware of it herself.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“Isso vai contra tudo o que eu sou, Sarai." Ele diz e, em seguida, beija-me. "Não, não vai." Eu sussurro e beijo de volta. "É você tornando-se mais quem você realmente é.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“I turn toward the window beside me because unlike Victor, I have absolutely no control over the smile on my face, and I can’t risk letting him see it. ~~~~”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
“You kept your cool. You waited for your opportunity. You pretended to the point of acceptance and trust. You’re risking your life right now to go back for that girl. You are innocent, And it’s why you’re still alive.”
― J.A. Redmerski, quote from Killing Sarai
J.A. Redmerski
Born place: in The United States
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“Beliefs are the eyelids of the mind.”
― David Zindell, quote from The Broken God
“There's no denying his resemblance to the Rodin bronze - the slender, effortless muscularity of youth, the extravagant nonchalance of it; that sense that beauty is in fact the natural human condition and not the rarest of mutations.”
― Michael Cunningham, quote from By Nightfall
“We kissed for two hours. Eventually, I led him into my bedroom and pulled off both of our shirts. He stopped me.
"This might sound weird; it's not typical guy response." I froze, suddenly awkward. "I mean, if I didn't feel the way I do with you I would be all for it, but I kind of think maybe it would be good to wait. I've rushed into sex, and had it be a mistake." He shrugged apologetically. "I mean, if it's safe to assume you are experiencing the same date that I am, then I think we will have time."
I was a little flabbergasted and more than a little embarrassed. How could I explain that the idea sounded like a huge relief to me, that I didn't quite understand where the impulse to start taking my clothes off came from? I had had the same experience. I rarely enjoyed first-time sex with partners, largely because I usually did it before I really knew or trusted them. Here was where the difference between what I knew and did remained wide. The shame I felt wash over me was tinged with that hatred of my own innocence. Was I still so green? So unconfident? Had I gone straight out of the extremity of sex work to the innocence of my adolescence? Where was my self-knowledge? Still, I was relieved.
"Of course. I agree totally." I clutched my T-shirt to my chest and smiled at him. "And yes, I am on the same date you are on."
"I thought so," he said. "I mean, I don't think you can feel like this when it's not reciprocal."
He left at 2:00 A.M. and called me at 11:00 the next morning to schedule our second date.”
― Melissa Febos, quote from Whip Smart: A Memoir
“I picture him, in those few seconds in between the fences, a stoner grin on his face, high at the thought that freedom was so close.”
― quote from Picking Cotton: Our Memoir of Injustice and Redemption
“We were alone together, we were an us.”
― Augusten Burroughs, quote from A Wolf at the Table
Quintana of Charyn
Two Boys Kissing
The Bride
The Harlequin
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