Invisible

I know things have been hard for you. I'm not saying that's an excuse. There's never an excuse for doing the wrong thing, but sometimes people need a little more support if they've been through some tough times.

If I start to write down my feelings, isn't that the same as writing down my problems? Won't it be dangerous? What if then I feel like I need to tell someone my problems? Will they be angry? Will they leave? "It's just a book", I tell myself. "It's just a book and a book can't leave me. A book can't decide who it wants to be with. The worst that can happen is I don't do it anymore, right? I'll give it a try.

You have this thing called a life. It’s only you that gets to live it and you only get to do it one time.

I’m scared of being seen. I’m scared of doing anything. I’m scared of losing another person who loves me. I’d rather just drift.

feeling of when you think you can never stop laughing and you think if you don't stop, you'll burst in half and that makes you laugh even more, thinking about bursting and then when you stop, you are so tired but it is such a happy tired.

When I’m invisible I don’t have to feel anything. The pain and grief and fear goes away. I go numb and quiet.

And I think that if I started to tell someone how I felt I’d never be able to stop so it’s easier just to not feel anything because that way there’s no issue.

It’s just a book and a book can’t leave me. A book can’t decide who it wants to be with.

You have this thing called a life. Its only you that gets to live it and you only get to do it one time

Today I am officially brave, which is what you are when you're scared but still show up.

I’m going to give you a chance, deaf girl,

I suddenly realise that in the last four years I forgot what it feels like to go to the movies. I forgot about the seats with their velour and plastic arms, the smell of popcorn and the way the blackness takes away normal life and replaces it with a whole new world for an hour and a half. I forgot about the emotion and the excitement and the tension and the relief at the end when everything works out alright.

I never realised before that when someone says ‘see you at lunch’ it feels like sunshine.