He Loves Lucy

She'd even violated the only sensible rule of dieting she'd ever run across, the sage advice of the Muppets' Miss Piggy, who recommended never eating anything bigger than your head.

Have you ever met a man who looked so damn delicious that you wanted to sop him up with a hot buttermilk biscuit and inhale him in one gulp?” “Why, yes, I have,” Doris said. That was a shocker. “Really? What happened?” “I married him.

And I want cabana boys named Raoul to rub warm, fragrant oil all over me, from head to toe, all over my throat and chest and my legs and arms. I want—” Theo pushed the chair back on the deck and it made a loud scraping sound. He grabbed Lucy’s face and kissed her hard, then rose up and placed her on her feet, taking her hand. “Where are we going, Theo?” “Shh.” He stroked her hair as he led her inside. “The name’s Raoul.

I think we love who we love and there’s not a damn thing that can be done about it.

Light mayonnaise is like masturbation—it approximates the real thing but leaves you unfulfilled, ultimately leading to fantasies about diving face-first into a big-ass jar of the real stuff.

That’s the kind of dress that belongs on the floor, all wrinkled up, with the zipper broken and the sleeves torn. That dress isn’t right for you at all. In fact, I think you should take it off right now.

Ah, Milk Duds. The official candy of pissed-off fat women everywhere

Affirmation for Today: I am strong enough to refrain from killing any or all members of my family.

As her lungs pumped and her head cleared, she wondered if all the effort she’d put into blotting out the pain had deadened her ability to feel pleasure, too. What a shame. What a loss.

Ah, Milk Duds. The official candy of pissed-off fat women everywhere.

He realized that the woman at his side - the one with the sweaty red face and the sweet smile - had pried open his heart, one day at a time.