For Darkness Shows the Stars

Envy hurt exponentially more than heartbreak because your soul was torn in two, half soaring with happiness for another person, half mired in a well of selfpity and pain.

In every letter, in every line, she saw him. He hadn't changed - he'd only grown into the man he'd meant to be.

I can wait in silence no longer, but I’m afraid I’m already too late. I am trapped between agony and hope—believing I have no right to speak, but knowing more how much I’d regret it if I did not. Tell me I’m not wrong. Tell me that, this time, you will accept my offer. Because I’m making it again. I want you with me, Elliot. It’s all I have ever wanted. I offer you everything I have—my world, my ship, my self—perhaps they will be enough to replace what I know you would be giving up if you came with me.

The old poems said that lovers were made for each other. But that wasn't true for Kai and Elliot. They hadn't been made for each other at all—quite the opposite. But they'd grown together, the two of them, until they were like two trees from a single trunk, stronger together than either could have been alone.

Come with me, Elliot. I have wanted to ask you for weeks, but I have waited, out of fear and doubt and the belief that it’s nothing but my own selfishness that wants you with me. I wrestled with this, and chance after chance passed me by. I can’t afford to lose this one. Please accept. This time, please accept. And please believe that no matter what, I am, ever, Your Kai

Kai held firm to her with one hand, and pointed up with the other. 'I can see them, Elliot. I can see them all. In the night, in the day, through clouds and storms and the setting sun.' She stared at him in wonder. This was his miracle, and he was sharing it with her. 'Thank you,' she said, 'for coming back for me.' 'Elliot.' He bent his head close to hers, and looked deep into her eyes. His gaze was no longer strange to her. He was just her Kai, the man he'd been born to become. 'No matter where I went, I always knew my way back to you. You are my compass star.' And he was hers.

I don't need to see the trail to know you're at the end of it. My grandfather's compass may not work, but mine is still true.

Look at us. You look like death, my friend, and I’m sure I do, too. We’ll never stop blaming ourselves. I guess that’s the price of love?

I said go away!" "No, you said 'get out'. I'm out." "Now go away." Silence. And then, "No.

You would say that, Malakai. You've loved one all your life.

She could smell the sea in the air, but more than that, she could smell the scent of the grass as it awoke from its winter slumber. She could hear the sound of crickets as they sang to the emerging stars. It was springtime on the North Island. It was springtime for the world.

And if the boat sinks?" "And if the sun explodes?" Elliot countered.

I want to take their money and let them build their ship and get off my land. That’s all I want.” “Good to know,” said a voice above her head. Elliot and Dee looked up, and there, shadowed against the light from the swinging sun-lamps, stood Kai.

...You are my compass star." And he was hers.

Dear Kai, Come back. Come back for me. I didn't mean it. I've changed my mind. I can't bear this, Kai. I can't bear this farm, this life, this world without you.

Dear Kai, The sun is probably streaming in through the big barn windows now, which means you're awake. And if you're awake, it means you're wondering where I went. I haven't run away from you, I promise. But I knew that today of all days, they'd need me in the house. Tatiana may be the head of our household now, but she's not the one our staff will look to in my mother's absence. And there is so much to do to prepare for the funeral. Also, I have to go tell my grandfather what has happened to his daughter. I don't want him to hear of her death from anyone but me. Thank you for last night. I wish I could say I don't know why you re the one I ran to,- you, Kai, not Tatiana or my father or even my grandfather. But I know why. And I have a confession to make. After you let me cry, after you let me sob and shout and choke on all that pain-after you did all that, and didn't say a word-I didn't fall asleep like you thought. Not right away. I lay there, wadded up into a ball, and you curved your body behind mine. You were barely touching me-your thigh against the edge of my hip, your arm draped lightly across my waist, your fingers entwined with mine. How many times have our hands touched, when we were passing each other tools or helping each other in and out of machines? Hundreds of times. Thousands. But last night was different. You cradled my hand in yours, palms up, our fingers curled in like a pair of fallen leaves. Fallen, maybe, but not dead. My hand never felt so alive. Every place you touched me sparked with energy. I couldn't sleep. Not like that. And so I bent my head, just the slightest bit, until my mouth reached our hands. I smelled the oil you never quite get off your fingers. I breathed in the scent of your skin. And then, as if that was all I was doing, just breathing, I let my bottom lip brush against your knuckle. Time stopped, I was sure you'd see through my ruse and pull away. I was sure you'd know that I was not asleep, that I was not just breathing. But you didn't move, so I did it again. And again. And in the third time, I let my top lip join my bottom. I kissed your hand, Kai. I didn't do it to thank you for letting me cry. For letting me sleep in your arms. I thought you should know. Yours, Elliot Dear Elliot, I know. When will I see you again? Yours, Kai

If you can stand on your own, it's better that you walk back rather than making someone from the fleet take you." Elliot rose, then swallowed the bile she tasted in her throat. "I have stood on my own for many years." He didn't look away this time, and his eyes were like a stranger's. "You're not the only one.

You know Case, who oversees the dairy? He saw us together in the loft last week. He says I'm the biggest fool who ever lived. I don't think he's right. But, just to be safe, I'll put out the lamp. We'll pretend we're the ancient explorers, and find our way by the stars. Yours, Kai

For four years she’d subsisted on memories of this—his voice, his face, the sound of his breath and his heartbeat. She felt him like a leaf feels the sun, like a magnet feels metal.

That wonderful, terrible night when her mother died and her whole world had been destroyed, when she realized she loved Kai and her whole world had been created anew.

She lifter the shade and bathed the room in silver. Moonlight glinted off the glass and metal instruments on her desk and vanished into the eaves. Moonlight skimmed over her floorboards and made Nero's eyes a shimmering green. It wasn't enough to work by. It wasn't enough to read by. But who needed to read? She knew them by heart.

The real stars don't even fascinate me as much as they used to when I was... younger." "I'm sorry for that, as well.

Dear Elliot, I know. When will I see you again? Yours, Kai

You should know that you’re exactly the person you think you are.” Elliot turned away as the tear escaped. That’s what she was afraid of.

She still loved the man who called himself Malakai Wentforth. She knew that. But that didn’t matter, just as it hadn’t mattered four years ago. Then, she’d chosen to stay behind. But it didn’t mean she wasn’t curious. It didn’t mean she didn’t want to stand at the edge of the cliffs and stretch her face out toward the sea, toward a world she’d never be allowed to know.

She knows your mother isn't here to protect you any more. But you know what the solution is: stay out of her way. Stay here. Stay with me.

Elliot folded her hands in her lap as Felicia entered the building. She figured Kai would follow, but he remained still, standing over her like a guard. His shadow fell across her lap, and she traced its edges with her hands. The places he's touched her - her torso, her chest, her elbow - still tingled. His words echoed in her ears. He hadn't spoken a word to her directly since that night in the barn. She soaked up every syllable like it was rain on parched soil. "You're all right" "Careful" "Can you stand on your own?