Different: The Story of an Outside-the-Box Kid and the Mom Who Loved Him

it is easy for parents to pass on unnecessary guilt, shame, and insecurity to their children because we fear the rejection of critical and judgmental people in our lives. So if I can help other parents understand the profound importance of accepting children as they are, perhaps I can save those children from some of the anguish I felt for many years.

Our individual personalities are a gift of His design so that we might add color and variety to the world. And He can use our unique combination of circumstances—even the painful ones like mental illness—for our good and His glory.

children need to live into the infinite possibilities of innovative ideas, symphonies of created music, breathtaking visual art, transcendent science, and thoughts of God that are too big to be contained by the walls of a church building.

Loving him with the love of God Affirming him daily, believing in who he will become Understanding his limitations and learning to be patient with his disability Never passing on guilt to him for being limited Changing his heart gradually through training in character and inner strength Holding expectations loosely and leaving him in the hands of God

We have to learn to lean into life as something beautiful even if it is not exactly what we expected. Trusting that God works all things together for the good despite the challenges we face is a gift of worship we give to God. Acceptance with humility must eventually come to each of us if we are to please God and not always fight against the limitations of our own family pattern.

I think God is out there in the dark right past the spotlight, watching me perform this song called life. He knows I'm under-qualified, scared,not good enough, not even normal. But I don't think He's waiting for mistakes or counting the mess-ups. I think He's a Parent waiting to jump to His feet in applause. And when it's all done, when I'm finally walking toward Him, I don't think He is even going to remember the keys I missed or the mistakes I made. Instead I think He is going to run to embrace me and say, "I'm so proud of you. You were amazing! I love you so much.

God is out there in the dark right past the spotlight, watching me perform this song called life. I don't think he's waiting for mistakes or counting the mess-ups, I think he's waiting to jump to his feet in applause.

Accepting reality and deciding to love our unique puzzle brings a freedom and sense of peace that can only come from surrendering to the life that we have been given.

Still, on a daily basis, I have to remember to release, to choose patience, to ask for forgiveness when I blow it. But now we have a rhythm to our family that is built on a foundation of unconditional love. Not matter what happens, at the end of the day, this is the place where we all return: "I am committed to loving you and accepting you as God has made you." "I will always be here for you." "I will always have your back and be a friend, whatever life holds." "I will help you search for answers and support your growth." "I will be a refuge you can come home to." "We are a family, and we will love each other always and always.

I had to learn that God never intended me to judge my children's value by how well they fit the assembly line of cultural expectations or my own dreams of what I thought motherhood should look like. Each of them was an individual, one-of-a-kind design. Each had a special purpose in the world. And each had a special set of gifts and challenges that affected the way they operated in the world. God had ordained that I would be the mama of these unique children, tasked with shepherding them through life and teaching them what unconditional love meant. It was my stewardship to parent my sweet little ones with all the faith and joy I had chosen as my foundation for the other areas of my life,

In a culture that seeks only to anesthetize, escape, and ignore hurt, I believe we are called to experience, acknowledge, and feel the pain of life so that redemption can be achieved. Because only when we have walked through the dark can we appreciate and crave the light. Pain can be the muscle that tears to make us stronger and the surgery that cuts to make us whole. So instead of running from the hurt, we must embrace it, own it, live with it, and trust in God's ability to use what feels like death as the catalyst for finding life.

We must learn to desire the light God offers more than the safety and comfort of the darkness where we already live.

When children understand that their parents accept them whether they are behaviourally perfect or not, that they can trust the grown-ups with anything, then they will be more likely to seek their parents' help when they have engaged in more serious misbehaviour.

Trusting that God works all things together for the good despite the challenges we face is a gift of worship we give to God. Acceptance with humility must eventually come to each of us if we are to please God and not always fight against the limitations of our own family pattern. If Nathan had grown up in a home where he was constantly put down and corrected, I think the oxygen of God's love would have been strangled from his heart, which needed a wide berth of unconditional acceptance. Love is the food our hearts need to grow, and so I had to figure out a way to give it in a way he could feel.

Knowing when to correct and train, when to overlook, and when to enjoy and praise is a constant balancing act for a parent, but I tried to err on the side of compassion and sympathy with Nathan. These seemed to be the tools that opened Nathan's heart to correction. And these gifts could only be given through personal time invested over and over again.

It took me a little while, but I learned to see my "time-outs" as necessities, not luxuries, and to be vigilant about making room for them in my life. Without them, I found it almost impossible to provide the kind of welcoming, accepting home experience that Nathan and all my children needed.

It is humbling to be the parent of a child who brings our all of your weaknesses repetitively. But living in guilt for not being perfect will never serve our need to grow stronger.

For Nathan, I wanted it to be a place where he could breathe out the pressure to perform, to conform, to always be "good" when what was defined as good was almost impossible for him, as God made him, to conform to.

As long as we believe we can control life by trying, controlling, manipulating, putting pressure on life, we will live in constant exhaustion. We learn daily of our need for His Spirit to live through us because we are inadequate in ourselves. We learn to give up expectations that life will ever be perfect and to be content in the midst of the chaos.

I have always told my children that they might as well decide to embrace God's will for their lives right where they are and engage in the present moment with as much faith and wisdom and skill as they can, because their circumstances are not going to miraculously change.

You need to teach your lips how to be persuasive," I would say, "You have a profound way of thinking, but you will lose your audience if you attack them. How could you have said that with more appeal?

When you realize your song was divinely written for you, your audience suddenly becomes that of One. And then you can dance to the music only you were made to hear.

God loves when you wrestle Him, Nathan," she said. "Because wrestling is a full-contact sport, and God loves it when you are in contact with Him. Maybe He has a bigger view of your life and is willing to do more than you can presently see.