“All behavior is linked to attitudes of the heart. Therefore, discipline must address attitudes of the heart.”
“The finest art of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts. It is learning how to draw out the thoughts of another.”
“Some people think listening is what you do between opportunities to say something. During listening times they don’t listen at all. They are deciding what to say. Don’t be such a parent. The Proverbs remind you that the fool does not delight in understanding, but in airing his own opinion (Proverbs 18:2).”
“Recognizing that God has called you to function as his agent defines your task as a parent. Our culture has reduced parenting to providing care. Parents often see the task in these narrow terms. The child must have food, clothes, a bed, and some quality time.
In sharp contrast to such a weak view, God has called you to a more profound task than being only a care-provider. You shepherd your child in God's behalf. The task God has given you is not one that can be conveniently scheduled. It is a pervasive task. Training and shepherding are going on whenever you are with your children. Whether waking, walking, talking or resting, you must be involved in helping your child to understand life, himself, and his needs from a biblical perspective (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).”
“You should encourage your children to see the needs of those around them.”
“I have spoken to many parents who feared they were producing little hypocrites who were proud and self-righteous. Hypocrisy and self-righteousness is the result of giving children a keepable law and telling them to be good. To the extent they are successful, they become like the Pharisees....The genius of Phariseeism was that it reduced the law to a keepable standard of externals that any self-disciplined person could do. In their pride and self-righteousness, they rejected Christ.”
“Proverbs 12:15–16 says: “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice. A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.”
“We give them material things and take delight in their delight in possessions. Then we hope that somewhere down the line they will see that a life worth living is found only in knowing and serving God.”
“The purpose for your authority in the lives of your children is not to hold them under your power, but to empower them to be self-controlled people living freely under the authority of God.”
“The parent can change his mind in the context of respectful appeal, but not in the presence of blatant rebellion.”
“The most powerful way to keep your children from being attracted by the offers of camaraderie from the wicked is to make home an attractive place to be.”
“Moms and dads tell the children what to do. Kids tell their parents their wishes and dreams.”
“When we allow our children to become independent decision makers we give them a false idea of liberty and a mistaken notion about freedom. ”
“Parents tend to see their children’s behavior in very naive terms. We see the fight over a toy as simply a fight over a toy, when actually it is a failure to prefer others. It is selfishness. It is saying to others, “I don’t care about what your wishes are; I want to have what I want.” It is a determination to live in the world in a way that exploits every opportunity to serve oneself.”
“recently asked a young lad of ten what would get him into the most trouble, breaking a valuable vase or disobeying his parents’ clear directive. Without a moment of hesitation, he said it would be far worse to break a cherished vase. This lad has learned the values of the home. He perceives an unspoken value that says prized vases are of greater concern to his parents than disobedient boys. These values are based on hollow and deceptive philosophies.”
“You should help them learn to make peace.”
“You should teach that a soft answer turns away wrath.”
“Train your children to use occasions when hurt to learn how to love God and deepen their trust and confidence in him.”
“It is our task to faithfully teach our children the ways of God.”
“It is the Holy Spirit’s task to work through the Word of God to change their hearts.”
“The central focus of childrearing is to bring children to a sober assessment of themselves as sinners.”
“you may never use your children to promote your convictions. The purpose of discipline is not evangelism. The purpose of discipline is to shepherd your children.”
“I have often wondered why grounding is so universally popular. I believe it is because it is easy. It doesn’t require on-going interaction. It does not require on-going discussion. It does not assess what is going on inside the child. It does not require patient instruction and entreaty. Grounding is quick, incisive, simple. “You’re grounded for a month. Go to your room.” Perhaps parents just don’t know anything more constructive to do. They feel frustrated. They realize that something is wrong with their child. They don’t know how to get to it. They feel they need to respond in some way. One thing is for sure. Grounding does not address the issues of the heart in a biblical way. The heart is being addressed, but it is addressed wrongly. The child will learn to cope with the grounding, but may never learn the things that a godly parent desires for him to learn. My 10-year-old friend is rather philosophical about it. “It’s not too bad,” he said to me, “I can play and watch TV in my room. If I don’t let it bother me, it isn’t that bad.” He has learned to live under house arrest.”
“These gurus promise to teach you how to build self-esteem in your children. Have you noticed that no books promise to help produce children who esteem others?”
“It is possible to be well-educated and still not understand life. ”
“The person your child becomes is a product of two things. The first is his life experience. The second is how he interacts with that experience.”
“Romans 12:17–21 tells us that the only weapon strong enough to overcome evil is good.”
“The child’s problem is not an information deficit. His problem is that he is a sinner. There are things within the heart of the sweetest little baby that, allowed to blossom and grow to fruition, will bring about eventual destruction.”
“The conscience within man is always either excusing or accusing.”
“And that must be Mr.Graves. My, aren't you the handsome one? If I had space free on my guards I might almost break the tradition and offer you a Trial challenge."
"That's assuming I'd take it."
"Oh, Kir. Relax. Mr. Graves has a sarcastic sense of humor. It's something to apreciate in a man. Boy humor is so juvenile."
"It wasn't sarcasm. It was pointiong out a fallacy in your logic, babe."
Anna's jaw actually dropped.”
“The message? Do not fuck with your ears! The damage done is irreparable!”
“When the oppressed, downtrodden, outraged exhort one another with the vengeful cunning of impotence: "let us be different from the evil, namely good! And he is good who does not outrage, who harms nobody, who does not attack, who does not requite, who leaves revenge to God, who keeps himself hidden as we do, who avoids evil and desires little from life, like us, the patient, humble, and just" -- this, listened to calmly and without previous bias, really amounts to no more than: "we weak ones are, after all, weak; it would be good if we did nothing for which we are not strong enough"; but this dry matter of fact, this prudence of the lowest order which even insects possess (popsing as dead, when in great danger, so as not to do "too much"), has, thanks to counterfeit and self-deception of impotence, clad itself in the ostentatious garb of the virtue of quiet, calm resignation, just as if the weakness of the weak -- that is to say, their essence, their effects, their sole ineluctable, irremovable reality - were a voluntary achievement, willed, chosen, a deed, a meritous act.”
“I try desperately to conquer the transitory nature of my existence, to trap moments before they evenesce, to untangle the confusion of my past. Every instant disappears in a breath and immediately becomes the past; reality is ephemeral and changing, pure longing.”
“Life is simple," I said. "Ale, women, sword, and reputation. Nothing else matters.”
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