Jeff Kinney · 224 pages
Rating: (107.3K votes)
“You and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End.”
“I don't know if this makes me a bad person or whatever, but it's hard for me to get interested in other people's vacations.”
“Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!”
“Chirag: Rowley, do you think I exist?
Rowley: Nope! I can't even hear you or see you!”
“Most people don't seem to appreciate a person as honest as me. So don't ask me how George Washington ever got to be president.”
“After the presentations, we had to fill out these questionnaires. The first question was, 'Where do you see yourself in fifteen years?'
I know EXACTLY where I will be in fifteen years: in my pool, at my mansion, counting my money. But there weren't any check boxes for THAT option.”
“Well, for starters, Abraham Lincoln didn't write 'To Kill a Mockingbird.”
“It's because I'm pregnant, Christian."
He snorts, and his mouth twists into an ironic smile. "If I knew getting you knocked up was going to make you eat, I might have done it earlier.”
“It makes you wonder. All the brilliant things we might have done with our lives if only we suspected we knew how.”
“Not one of your pertinent ancestors was squashed, devoured, drowned, starved, stranded, stuck fast, untimely wounded, or otherwise deflected from its life's quest of delivering a tiny charge of genetic material to the right partner at the right moment in order to perpetuate the only possible sequence of hereditary combinations that could result -- eventually, astoundingly, and all too briefly -- in you.”
“fear was good; fear was an ally; that every lawyer was afraid when he stood before a new jury and presented his case. It was okay to be afraid – just don’t show it.”
“What you have lost will not be returned to you; it always be lost. You’re left with only your scars to mark the void. All you can choose to do is go on, or not. But if you go on, it’s knowing you carry your scars with you.”
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