Armada

Shit!" I heard Diehl shout over the comm. "I just lost my gorram shields because I'm already out of frakkin' power!" "Dude," Cruz said. "You shouldn't mix swears from different universes.

I’d spent my entire life overdosing on uncut escapism, willingly allowing fantasy to become my reality.

I know that the future is scary at times. But there's just no escaping it.

The apple had fallen right next to the crazy tree.

If there were other civilizations out there, why would they ever want to make contact with humanity? If this was how we treated each other, how much kindness could we possibly show to some race of bug-eyed beings from beyond?

The only thing crazier than hallucinating a fictional videogame spaceship would be to blame it on a frosted breakfast pastry.

Now whenever I watched a Star Wars film, I found myself wondering how the Empire had the technology to make long-distance holographic phone calls between planets light-years apart, and yet no one had figured out how to make a remote-controlled TIE Fighter or X-Wing yet.

Now I feel bad,” Diehl said. “Like we’re about to nuke Aquaman. Or the Little Mermaid.…” “Pretend they’re Gungans,” Cruz suggested. “And that we get to nuke Jar Jar.

I had been hoping and waiting for some mind-blowingly fantastic, world-altering event to finally shatter the endless monotony of my public education.

You know, sort of like Obi-Wan, watching over Luke while he was growing up on Tatooine.” “You’re a bold-faced liar like Obi-Wan, too!” I shot back. “That’s for sure.” Ray’s smile vanished, and his eyes narrowed. “And you’re being a whiny little bitch, just like Luke!

I was staring out the classroom window and daydreaming of adventure when I spotted the flying saucer.

That’s how you know you’ve mastered a videogame—when a bunch of butt-hurt crybabies start to accuse you of cheating in an effort to cope with the beatdown they’ve just suffered at your hands.

This human understands enough to know when he’s being messed with.

I tried to remain skeptical. I reminded myself that I was a man of science, even if I did usually get a C in it.

Being forced to sit between my mortal enemy and my ex-girlfriend every afternoon made seventh-period math feel like my own private Kobayashi Maru, a brutal no-win scenario designed to test my emotional fortitude.

We were all probably stuck here for the duration, on the third rock from our sun. Boldly going extinct.

Mr. S was finally retiring this year, which was a good thing, because he appeared to have run out of shits to give sometime in the previous century.

Watching Knotcher torment Casey while the rest of us just sat and watched filled me not only with self-loathing, but with disgust for my whole species. If there were other civilizations out there, why would they ever want to make contact with humanity? If this was how we treated each other, how much kindness could we possibly show to some race of bug-eyed beings from beyond?

Even if alien visitors did decide to drop by this utterly insignificant little blue-green planet, no self-respecting extraterrestrial would ever pick my hometown of Beaverton, Oregon—aka Yawnsville, USA—as their point of first contact. Not unless their plan was to destroy our civilization by wiping out our least interesting locales first.

Maybe they seeded life on Earth millions of years ago, and now they're here to punish us for turning out to be such a lame species and inventing reality TV and shit?

I’m a gamer, Zack. Like you. When I find myself confronted with a puzzle, I can’t help but try to solve it.

I knew there was probably life elsewhere. But given the vast size and age of the universe, I also knew how astronomically unlikely it was we would ever make contact with it, much less within the narrow window of my own lifetime. We were all probably stuck here for the duration, on the third rock from our sun. Boldly going extinct.

My whole life, I felt like I was destined to do something important, but I was only ever good at videogames, which I always figured would be completely useless. But it’s not useless, and neither am I. I think this is what I was always destined to do with my life. I just never knew it.

The Force will be with you,” Ray said, giving my shoulder one last squeeze. “Always.

As I watched them embrace, there on the front lawn, my heart was rocked by waves of unbridled joy. It occurred to me that up until this moment I’d only ever experienced the bridled kind.

If there was a bright center to the universe, I was on the planet it was farthest from. Please pass the blue milk, Aunt Beru.

Many species lack the ability to defy their own animal instincts and allow their intellect to prevail.

What if they’re using videogames to train us to fight without us even knowing it? Like Mr. Miyagi in The Karate Kid, when he made Daniel-san paint his house, sand his deck, and wax all of his cars—he was training him and he didn’t even realize it! Wax on, wax off—but on a global scale!