“So long as we learn it doesn’t matter who teaches us, does it?”
“There's no corporal punishment here, or any other form of punishment for that matter, and the children are encouraged to speak up for themselves. Unfortunately, they're not always particularly choosey about the things they say, and it can be rather alarming and embarrassing.”
“Belief in an ideal dies hard. I had believed in an ideal for all the twenty-eight years of my life – the ideal of the British way of life.”
“It’s no one’s fault really,” he continued. “A big city cannot afford to have its attention distracted from the important job of being a big city by such a tiny, unimportant item as your happiness or mine.”
This came out of him easily, assuredly, and I was suddenly interested. On closer inspection there was something aesthetic and scholarly about him, something faintly professorial. He knew I was with him, listening, and his grey eyes were kind with offered friendliness. He continued:
“Those tall buildings there are more than monuments to the industry, thought and effort which have made this a great city; they also occasionally serve as springboards to eternity for misfits who cannot cope with the city and their own loneliness in it.” He paused and said something about one of the ducks which was quite unintelligible to me.
“A great city is a battlefield,” he continued. “You need to be a fighter to live in it, not exist, mark you, live. Anybody can exist, dragging his soul around behind him like a worn-out coat; but living is different. It can be hard, but it can also be fun; there’s so much going on all the time that’s new and exciting.”
I could not, nor wished to, ignore his pleasant voice, but I was in no mood for his philosophising.
“If you were a negro you’d find that even existing would provide more excitement than you’d care for.”
He looked at me and suddenly laughed; a laugh abandoned and gay, a laugh rich and young and indescribably infectious. I laughed with him, although I failed to see anything funny in my remark.
“I wondered how long it would be before you broke down and talked to me,” he said, when his amusement had quietened down. “Talking helps, you know; if you can talk with someone you’re not lonely any more, don’t you think?”
As simple as that. Soon we were chatting away unreservedly, like old friends, and I had told him everything.
“Teaching,” he said presently. “That’s the thing. Why not get a job as a teacher?”
“That’s rather unlikely,” I replied. “I have had no training as a teacher.”
“Oh, that’s not absolutely necessary. Your degrees would be considered in lieu of training, and I feel sure that with your experience and obvious ability you could do well.”
“Look here, Sir, if these people would not let me near ordinary inanimate equipment about which I understand quite a bit, is it reasonable to expect them to entrust the education of their children to me?”
“Why not? They need teachers desperately.”
“It is said that they also need technicians desperately.”
“Ah, but that’s different. I don’t suppose educational authorities can be bothered about the colour of people’s skins, and I do believe that in that respect the London County Council is rather outstanding. Anyway, there would be no need to mention it; let it wait until they see you at the interview.”
“I’ve tried that method before. It didn’t work.”
“Try it again, you’ve nothing to lose. I know for a fact that there are many vacancies for teachers in the East End of London.”
“Why especially the East End of London?”
“From all accounts it is rather a tough area, and most teachers prefer to seek jobs elsewhere.”
“And you think it would be just right for a negro, I suppose.” The vicious bitterness was creeping back; the suspicion was not so easily forgotten.
“Now, just a moment, young man.” He was wonderfully patient with me, much more so than I deserved. “Don’t ever underrate the people of the East End; from those very slums and alleyways are emerging many of the new breed of professional and scientific men and quite a few of our politicians. Be careful lest you be a worse snob than the rest of us. Was this the kind of spirit in which you sought the other jobs?”
“In Britain I found things to be very different. I have yet to meet a single English person who has actually admitted to anti-negro prejudice. It is even generally believe that no such thing exists here. A negro is free to board any bus or train and sit anywhere, provided he has paid the appropriate fare. The fact that many people might pointedly avoid sitting near to him is casually overlooked. He is free to seek accommodation in any licensed hotel or boarding house - the courteous refusal which frequently follows is never ascribed to prejudice. The betrayal I now felt was greater because it had been perpetuated with the greatest of charm and courtesy.”
“Their silence was not the result of boredom or apathy, nor were they quiet because it was expected of them or through fear of consequences; but they were listening, actively, attentively listening to those records, with the same raptness they had shown in their jiving; their bodies were still, but I could feel that their minds and spirits were involved with the music. I glanced towards Miss Blanchard and as though she divined my thoughts she smiled at me and nodded in understanding....”
“On my way home that evening I felt an effervescence of spirit which built up inside me until I felt like shouting out loud for the sheer hell of it. The school, the children, Weston, the grimy fly-infested street through which I hurried - none of it could detract from the wonderful feeling of being employed. At long last I had a job, and though it promised to tax my capabilities to the full, it offered me the opportunity - wonderful word - of working on terms of dignified equality in an established profession.”
“Don't fall into the habit of bringing work home, Rick. It indicates a lack of planning, and you would eventually find yourself stuck indoors every night. Teaching is like having a bank account. You can happily draw on it while it is well supplied with new funds; otherwise you're in difficulties.
Every teacher should have a fund of ready information on which to draw; he should keep that fund supplied regularly by new experiences, new thoughts and discoveries, by reading and moving around among people from whom he can acquire such things."
"Not much chance of social movement for me, I'm afraid."
"Nonsense, Rick, you're settled in a job now, so there's no need to worry about that; but you must get out and meet more people. I'm sure you'll find lots of nice people about who are not foolishly concerned with prejudice."
"That's all right, Dad; I'm quite happy to stay at home with you and Mom."
"Nice to hear you say that, but we're old and getting a bit stuffy. You need the company of younger people like yourself. It's even time he had a girl, don't you think, Jess?"
Mom smiled across at me.
"Ah, leave him alone, Bob, there's plenty of time for that."
We went on to chat about other things, but I never forgot what Dad Belmont had said, and never again did I take notebooks home for marking. I would check the work in progress by moving about the class, helping here, correcting there; and I very soon discovered that in this way errors were pin-pointed while they were still fresh in the child's mind.”
“They knew that Jamaica produced sugar, rum and bananas, that Nigeria produced cocoa, and that British Guiana had large natural resources; but these names, though as familiar as the products with which they were associated, were of places far away, and no one seemed really interested in knowing anything about the peoples who lived there or their struggles towards political and economic betterment.”
“Teaching is like having a bank account. You can happily draw on it while it is well supplied with new funds; otherwise you're in difficulties.
Every teacher should have a fund of ready information on which to draw; he should keep that fund supplied regularly by new experiences, new thoughts and discoveries, by reading and moving around among people from whom he can acquire such things.”
“It is said that here we practise free discipline. That's wrong, quite wrong. It would be more correct to say that we are seeking, as best we can, to establish disciplined freedom, that state in which the child feels free to work, play and express himself without fear of those whose job it is to direct and stimulate his efforts into constructive channels. As things are we cannot expect of them high academic effort, but we can take steps to ensure that their limited abilities are exploited to the full." Here he smiled briefly, as if amused by some fleeting, private reflection. "We encourage them to speak up for themselves, no matter what the circumstances or the occasion; this may probably take the form of rudeness at first but gradually, through the influences of the various committees and the student council, we hope they will learn directness without rudeness, and humility without sycophancy. We try to show them a real relationship between themselves and their work, in preparation for the day when they leave school.”
“A man who is strong and tough never needs to show it in his dress or the way he cuts his hair. Toughness is a quality of the mind, like bravery or honesty or ambition; it has nothing whatever to do with muscles.”
“The smells arose from everything, everywhere, flowing together and remaining as a sickening, tantalizing discomfort. They flowed from the delicatessen shop with its uncovered trays of pickled herrings, and the small open casks of pickled gherkins and onions, dried fish and salted meat, and sweaty damp walls and floor; from the fish shop which casually defied every law of health; from the kosher butcher, and the poulterer next door, where a fine confetti of new-plucked feathers hung nearly motionless in the fetid air; and from sidewalk gutters where multitudes of flies buzzed and feasted on the heaped-up residue of fruit and vegetable barrows.”
“.... They both professed to be atheists, but, judging by their conduct, they exhibited in their daily lives all those attributes which are fundamental to real, active Christianity. They were thoughtful for my comfort in every way, and shared many of my interests and pursuits with a zest which might well have been envied by much younger people. Together we went down to Torquay for a two-week holiday and returned to Brentwood completely refreshed.”
“Instead, we try to give them affection, confidence and guidance, more or less in that order, because experience has shown us that those are their most immediate needs.”
“Don’t fall into the habit of bringing work home, Rick. It indicates a lack of planning, and you would eventually find yourself stuck indoors every night. Teaching is like having a bank account. You can happily draw on it while it is well supplied with new funds; otherwise you’re in difficulties. “Every”
“They reminded me somehow of the peasants in a book by Steinbeck: they were of the city, but they dressed like peasants, they looked like peasants, and they talked like peasants. Their cows were motor-driven milk floats; their tools were mop and pail and kneeling pad; their farms a forest of steel and concrete. In spite of the hairgrips and headscarves, they had their own kind of dignity. They”
“Rose shifted her shopping bag off her lap and with a grunt levered her ponderous body upright; she smiled broadly at me, and with a cheery “Ta Gert, ta girls,” she waddled towards the exit while I eased my shoulders in relief from the confining pressure of her body. God, what a huge woman.”
“Next day I was closely questioned about the team and its members. The children were somewhat surprised to learn that some had been College or University men; their vision of the American Negro, being so largely based on films, did not include high intellectual attainment. However, through discussion, I believe that slowly they were beginning to see all mankind from a new standpoint of essential dignity. One”
“was like a disease, and these children whom I loved without caring about their skins or their backgrounds, they were tainted with the hateful virus which attacked their vision, distorting everything that was not white or English. I”
“am a Negro, and what had happened to me at that interview constituted, to my mind, a betrayal of faith. I had believed in freedom, in the freedom to live in the kind of dwelling I wanted, providing I was able and willing to pay the price; and in the freedom to work at the kind of profession for which I was qualified, without reference to my racial or religious origins.”
“realized at that moment that I was British, but evidently not a Briton, and that fine differentiation was now very important; I”
“Today I was a teacher, employed. True, I was also a teacher untried, but that could also be an advantage. I would learn, by God I’d learn. Nothing was going to stop me.”
“The betrayal I now felt was greater because it had been perpetrated with the greatest of charm and courtesy.”
“It was like a disease, and these children whom I loved without caring about their skins or their backgrounds, they were tainted with the hateful virus which attacked their vision, distorting everything that was not white or English.”
“Oh God, forgive me for the hateful thoughts, because I love them, these brutal, disarming bastards, I love them …”
“A child who has slept all night in a stuffy, overcrowded room, and then breakfasts on a cup of weak tea and a piece of bread, can hardly be expected to show a sharp, sustained interest in the abstractions of arithmetic, and the unrelated niceties of correct spelling. Punishment (or the threat of it) for this lack of interest is unlikely to bring the best out of him.”
“All the big talk of Democracy and Human Rights seemed as spurious as the glib guarantees with which some manufacturers underwrite their products in the confident hope that they will never be challenged. The Briton at home takes no responsibility for the protestations and promises made in his name by British officials overseas.”
“… и като закрих лицето си с ръце, за да се спася неизвестно от какво, наддадох адски вик. Вик, който сигурно съм носила в себе си, и с този вик, толкова широк, че едвам мина през гърлото ми, от устата ми излезе едно съвсем малко нещо, почти нищо, като хлебарка, направена от слюнка… и това малко нещо, почти нищо, което беше живяло толкова време вътре в мен, беше моята младост, която излетя с този вик, който не ми беше ясно какво е… Безпомощност? Някой докосна ръката ми, обърнах се , без да се стряскам, един стар човек ме попита дали съм болна и чух, че отварят балконска врата. Не се ли чувствате добре? Приближи се една старица и старецът и старицата застанаха пред мен, а на балкона имаше някаква бяла сянка. Мина ми – отвърнах. Дойдоха още хора, идваха бавно, като дневната светлина, казах им, че ми е минало, няма нищо, това са нерви, нищо, никаква опасност… И отново тръгнах да вървя, да се връщам назад. Старецът и старицата, обърнах се да ги видя, бяха останали на същото място и ме следваха с очи и на слабата светлина, която вече се беше появила, изглеждаха недействителни… Благодаря. Благодаря. Благодаря. Антони години наред ми благодареше, а аз никога не съм му благодарила за нищо, Благодаря… На ръба на тротоара на улица „Гран“ погледнах нагоре и надолу дали не идват трамваи и пресякох тичешком, а когато стигнах на отсрещната страна, пак се обърнах да видя дали ме следва онова малко нещо, почти нищо, което така ме бе подлудило.Вървях сама…”
“You know when you're floating on your back in the lake, the water rises and falls against your ears? So that for half a second you can hear everything around you and then for the other half a second everything's muted? It almost feels like your suspended between two worlds.”
“You see, certainty brings security. Security brings trust. Trust brings love.”
“Dünya kadına, erkeklere dediği gibi 'istersen yaz, umurumda değil' demiyordu. Dünya kaba kaba gülerek, 'yazmak mı' diyordu. 'yazman ne işe yarıyor?'
Entelektüel özgürlük maddi şeylere bağlıdır. Şiir de entelektüel özgürlüğe bağlıdır. Kadınlarsa hep yoksul olmuşlardır, sadece iki yüzyıldır değil, dünya kurulalı beri. Kadınlar Atinalı kölelerin çocukları kadar bile entelektüel özgürlüğe sahip olmadılar. O zaman kadınların şiir yazmak için en ufak bir şansları bile yoktu. İşte bu yüzden paranın ve kendine ait bir odanın önemini vurguladım.”
“Unhappiness slowly creeps up on you, like a shape-shifting monster waiting in the darkness of your hallway, his bulging eyes watching your every move. The breath on his slimy tongue makes the hairs on your neck stand up.”
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