Ambrose Bierce · 404 pages
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“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Patience – A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are
four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and
praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain
whether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is for
advantage of the lawyers.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.
Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.
Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion - thus:
Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man.
Minor Premise: One man can dig a post-hole in sixty seconds; Therefore-
Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a post-hole in one second.
This may be called syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
“Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.”
― Ambrose Bierce, quote from The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Ambrose Bierce
Born place: in Meigs County, Ohio, The United States
Born date June 24, 1842
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“Look for the deathless and remain alert; don’t waste your time with that which is not going to endure, don’t waste your life for that which is going to change, which is part of the changing world.”
― Osho, quote from The Mustard Seed: The Gnostic Teachings of Jesus The Mystic
“K2 is not some malevolent being, lurking there above the Baltoro, waiting to get us. It's just there. It's indifferent. It's an inanimate mountain made of rock, ice, and snow. The "savageness" is what we project onto it, as if we blame the peak for our own misadventures on it.”
― Ed Viesturs, quote from K2: Life and Death on the World's Most Dangerous Mountain
“a try. Let’s make it to the kitchen first, huh? Four-year-olds could still be distracted by cookies. Jennie looked up as they entered the kitchen. “Hello, my boys! You’re just in time.” She held out two cookies, still steaming. “Fresh out of the oven.” Aervyn bit into his and danced around like an Irish step dancer on speed. “Hot, hot, hot!” Jennie laughed. “Hasn’t anyone taught you a cookie-cooling spell yet?” “Oh.” Aervyn giggled. “I didn’t think of that.” He waved a hand”
― Debora Geary, quote from Witches on Parole
“John, you don’t like me.”
“I’ve never said I didn’t like you.”
“You don’t have to say it. You just look at me and I know it’s true.”
His brows drew together. “How do I look at you?”
She sat back. “You scowl and frown at me as if I’d done something tacky, like scratch myself in public.”
He smiled. “That bad, huh?”
“Yes.”
“What if I promise not to scowl at you?”
“I don’t think that’s a promise you can keep. You are a very moody person.”
He removed one hand from his pocket and placed it over the even pleats of his shirt. “I’m very easygoing.”
Georgeanne rolled her eyes. “And Elvis is alive and raising minks somewhere in Nebraska.”
― Rachel Gibson, quote from Simply Irresistible
“I would not know what to say to you, except this: there was never a map that got it all right, and truth and beauty were never married to one another for long.”
― Reif Larsen, quote from The Selected Works of T.S. Spivet
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