Quotes from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“No one knows why, but second only to eating the brains of the living, the dead love affordable prefab furniture.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“ Christmas Amnesty. You can fall out of contact with a friend, fail to return calls, ignore e-mails, avoid eye contact at the Thrifty-Mart, forget birthdays, anniversaries, and reunions, and if you show up at their house during the holidays (with a gift) they are socially bound to forgive you—act like nothing happened. Decorum dictates that the friendship move forward from that point, without guilt or recrimination. If you started a chess game ten years ago in October, you need only remember whose move it is—or why you sold the chessboard and bought an Xbox in the interim. (Look, Christmas Amnesty is a wonderful thing, but it’s not a dimensional shift. The laws of time and space continue to apply, even if you have been avoiding your friends. But don’t try using the expansion of the universe an as excuse—like you kept meaning to stop by, but their house kept getting farther away. That crap won’t wash. Just say, “Sorry I haven’t called. Merry Christmas” Then show the present. Christmas Amnesty protocol dictates that your friend say, “That’s okay,” and let you in without further comment. This is the way it has always been done.)”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“He has the attention span of a hummingbird.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Well they're pissed off and they're hungry. I was kind of busy trying not to get my brains eaten. They seemed pretty adamant about the brain-eating thing. Then they're going to IKEA, I guess”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“If you think anyone is sane you just don’t know enough about them. The key — and this is very relevant in our case — is to find someone whose insanity dovetails with your own.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“We know there's going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Winter denial: therein lay the key to California Schadenfreude--the secret joy that the rest of the country feels at the misfortune of California. The country said: "Look at them, with their fitness and their tans, their beaches and their movie stars, their Silicon Valley and silicone breasts, their orange bridge and their palm trees. God, I hate those smug, sunshiny bastards!" Because if you're up to your navel in a snowdrift in Ohio, nothing warms your heart like the sight of California on fire. If you're shoveling silt out of your basement in the Fargo flood zone, nothing brightens your day like watching a Malibu mansion tumbling down a cliff into the sea. And if a tornado just peppered the land around your Oklahoma town with random trailer trash and redneck nuggets, then you can find a quantum of solace in the fact that the earth actually opened up in the San Fernando Valley and swallowed a whole caravan of commuting SUVs.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Hope is merely another face of desire. And desire is a motherfucker.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“You were supposed to empathize with your friend's problem, but they were, after all, your friend's problems...”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“The bat was looking at Theo and Theo was having trouble following his own thoughts.The bat was wearing tiny sunglasses.Ray Bans,Theo could see by the trademark in the corner of one lens."I'm sorry, Mr.,uh- Case, could you take the bat off your head.It's very distracting."
Him."
Pardon?"
It's a him.Roberto.He no like the light.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“In another Christmas story, Dale Pearson, evil developer, self-absorbed woman hater, and seemingly unredeemable curmudgeon, might be visited in the night by a series of ghosts who, by showing him bleak visions of Christmas future, past, and present, would bring about in him a change to generosity, kindness, and a general warmth toward his fellow man. But this is not that kind of Christmas story, so here, in not too many pages, someone is going to dispatch the miserable son of a bitch with a shovel. That's the spirit of Christmas yet to come in these parts. Ho, ho, ho.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Theophilus Crowe's mobile phone played eight bars of "Tangled Up in Blue" in an irritating electronic voice that sounded like a choir of suffering houseflies, or Jiminy Cricket huffing helium, or, well, you know, Bob Dylan.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Author's Warning

If you're buying this book as a gift for your grandma or a kid, you should be aware that it contains cusswords as well as tasteful depictions of cannibalism and people in their forties having sex. Don't blame me. I told you.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Just because he was pretty didn't mean he couldn't be improved by a smack upside the head with a piece of earnest hickory”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Hope is merely another face of desire.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“He had risked his freedom and his pride to buy her this, to acknowledge that part of her that everyone else seemed to want to get rid of.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Yeah, and don't think it's easy finding Ray-Bans in a fruit-bat medium.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Your puny worm god weapons are useless against my superior Christmas Kung Fu.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“That was supposed to be the whole purpose of the Internet, you know. To share scientific information."

"Not a Viagra- and porn-delivery system?”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Raziel! Go forth into the land and lay waste unto two good-size Wal-Marts, slay until blood doth flow from all bargains and all the buildings are but rubble — and pick up a few Snickers bars for yourself.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“IKEA,” chanted the dead. “First we feast, then IKEA. First we feast, then IKEA.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Nothing says Christmas like a burning meth lab.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Molly stood over the stove, naked, except for a wide sash from which was slung the scabbard for her broadsword at the center of her back, giving the impression that she had won honors in the Miss Nude Random Violence Pageant. Her”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Blessed are the minimarshmallows,” the angel said, swooning a little.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“The constable lit the bong and lost himself in the scuba bubbles of sweet comforting smoke.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Senti, abbiamo delle specie di regole qui". Indicò il cartello sul bancone. NIENTE CAMICIA O NIENTE SCARPE, NIENTE SERVIZIO.
Molly abbassò lo sguardo su di sé. «Oh dio, me le sono scordate».
«É tutto a posto».
«Ho lasciato le scarpe in macchina. Faccio un salto e me le metto».
«Sarebbe stupendo,Molly.Grazie».
«Nessun problema».
«So che sul cartello non c'è scritto, ma già che ci sei, potresti metterti anche un paio di pantaloni? Sarebbe sottinteso».
«Certo» disse Molly con disinvoltura davanti al bancone. Uscì dal negozio e sentì che l'aria si era proprio rinfrescata. E già, i suoi jeans e le mutandine erano sul sedile del passeggero, accanto alle scarpe da tennis.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy. People, generally, suck. This”
― Christopher Moore, quote from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

About the author

Popular quotes

“THIS ISN’T CHINA

Hold me close
and tell me what the world is like
I don’t want to look outside
I want to depend on your eyes
and your lips
I don’t want to feel anything
but your hand
on the old raw bumper
I don’t want to feel anything else
If you love the dead rocks
and the huge rough pine trees
Ok I like them too
Tell me if the wind
makes a pretty sound
in the billion billion needles
I’ll close my eyes and smile
Tell me if it’s a good morning
or a clear morning
Tell me what the fuck kind of morning
it is
and I’ll buy it
And get the dog
to stop whining and barking
This isn’t China
nobody’s going to eat it
It’s just going to get fed and petted
Ok where were we?
Ok go if you must.
I’ll create the cosmos
by myself
I’ll let it all stick to me
every fucking pine needle
And I’ll broadcast my affection
from this shaven dome
360 degrees
to all the dramatic vistas
to all the mists and snows
that moves across
the shining mountains
to the women bathing
in the stream
and combing their hair
on the roofs
to the voiceless ones
who have petitioned me
from their surprising silence
to the poor in the heart
(oh more and more to them)
to all the thought-forms
and leaking mental objects
that you get up here
at the end of your ghostly life”
― Leonard Cohen, quote from Book of Longing

“her destination. It was a very exclusive, very opulent, very intimidating block of flats. Miss Pettigrew was conscious of her shabby clothes, her faded gentility, her courage lost through weeks of facing the workhouse. She stood a moment.”
― Winifred Watson, quote from Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

“A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. —Walter Winchell   MEREDITH”
― Aleatha Romig, quote from The Consequences Series Box Set

“All of the myths of mankind are nothing but show business,' the other man said to me during our initial meeting. 'Everything that we supposedly live by and supposedly die by — whether it's religious scriptures or makeshift slogans — all of it is show business. The rise and fall of empires — show business. Science, philosophy, all of the disciplines under the sun, and even the sun itself, as well as all those other clumps of matter wobbling about in the blackness up there —' he said to me, pointing out the window beside the coffee-shop booth in which we sat, 'show business, show business, show business.' 'And what about dreams?' I asked, thinking I might have hit upon an exception to his dogmatic view, or at least one that he would accept as such. 'You mean the dreams of the sort we are having at this moment or the ones we have when we're fortunate enough to sleep?”
― Thomas Ligotti, quote from Teatro Grottesco

“Don't give in, Alex, don't let them win. You beat them once and you can do it again. Don't let this place break you. Keep your mind busy, keep yourself occupied, find things to do. If you're doing things, then you still exist, right?”
― Alexander Gordon Smith, quote from Solitary

Interesting books

About BookQuoters

BookQuoters is a community of passionate readers who enjoy sharing the most meaningful, memorable and interesting quotes from great books. As the world communicates more and more via texts, memes and sound bytes, short but profound quotes from books have become more relevant and important. For some of us a quote becomes a mantra, a goal or a philosophy by which we live. For all of us, quotes are a great way to remember a book and to carry with us the author’s best ideas.

We thoughtfully gather quotes from our favorite books, both classic and current, and choose the ones that are most thought-provoking. Each quote represents a book that is interesting, well written and has potential to enhance the reader’s life. We also accept submissions from our visitors and will select the quotes we feel are most appealing to the BookQuoters community.

Founded in 2023, BookQuoters has quickly become a large and vibrant community of people who share an affinity for books. Books are seen by some as a throwback to a previous world; conversely, gleaning the main ideas of a book via a quote or a quick summary is typical of the Information Age but is a habit disdained by some diehard readers. We feel that we have the best of both worlds at BookQuoters; we read books cover-to-cover but offer you some of the highlights. We hope you’ll join us.