The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole

I don't know why women are so mad about flowers. Personally, they leave me cold. I prefer trees.

I always knew I had no small talk, and now I know I've got no big talk either.

It has just been on the news that a man has been found in the Queen’s bedroom. Radio Four said that the man was an intruder and was previously unknown to the Queen. My father said: ‘That’s her story.

I couldn't think of anything to say so I kept quiet. I still can't think of anything to say so I am going to sleep.