“I could not dream a better you.”
Oh my God.
Oh… my… God.
Did he just say that?
I stared into his warm eyes.
He just said that.
And that was so sweet, so unexpected but so welcome, my breath arrested and all I could do was continue staring at him.
He wasn’t done. “A better wife, a better queen. Not even in a dream could I create better than you.”
“ "I gave up a world for you."
He glared at me, not giving me anything.
I kept right on going. "I thought, perhaps, when I learned I had powers, I might be able to use them to go home," his eyes flashed but that was all I got so I kept on going, "but not for good. My father isn't dead." Another flash. "He's alive and at home and living maybe with a fake Circe. He'll know the difference, though, I KNOW it. He's out of his mind with worry, I know that too. He's wondering where I am and if I'm okay and how to get me back. I also know that. I know that and I know that my life was good. I loved my life. I loved my home. I loved my job. I had a lot of people who loved me that loved me back." I sucked in a breath and then whispered, "But as much as your world scared me, as much as our practices repulsed me, I still chose you."
His torso jerked, it was almost imperceptible, but I caught it.
I kept at him. "I gave up my world for you, Lahn. I sat at your side through things people in my world would find loathsome and I did it with my head held high. I even felt 'pride' that I could endure, that I could be a good queen to you.......Everything I did in this fucking place, even before I fell in love with you, was for...fucking...YOU." ”
“What has been has been but what will be is what we make of it.”
“He is my king, he is my warrior, he is my husband and I am proud to say above all… he is mine.”
“You don’t have to have had something to want it or need it but when you have something you liked… very much… and it is taken away, and you want it back, it can become a hunger.”
“Then I whispered, “I love you, my Lahn,” and heard the swift hiss of his intake of breath. Then he buried his face in my neck and whispered back, “Loot kay hansahnalay na, my Circe.” And I love you, my Circe.”
“Out there, King Lahn is a fierce warrior but in here, my Lahn… kah Lahn is sweet.”
“I can assume I know what ‘asshole’ means”
“You know I love you," I whispered in his ear.
"I know," he whispered back, turned, I pulled my arms away and he got on his knees in front of me, his hands framing my face.
I looked in his dark eyes.
"Do you know how much?" I kept whispering.
"How much, baby?" Lahn kept whispering too.
I bent my forehead to his and told him the truth. "More than my world.”
“He has bragged greatly about you. The Lahnahsahna, a true warrior’s wife. He told his people he did not claim you. He told his people he battled you before he won you. He told his people you challenged him. The warrior king’s bride fought like a warrior. She did not lay back and accept her fate. She stood strong and shouted in the face of a king. She fought and did not give up. Even knowing she’d taste defeat, she fought on, like a true warrior. He told his people you are not his queen. You are his warrior queen.”
“If you ever carry forth a plot that threatens my golden queen, you will die choking on your own balls and you'll do it while staring in my eyes”
“You have rare beauty the like I have never seen but you will be more beautiful heavy with my seed,” he stated softly.”
“I was in love. Perhaps not with the man of my dreams, but with a man that was more man than any I’d ever encountered.”
“He wanted to be in a bad mood, so be it. Whatever. I had a new baby tiger who could talk to me and thought I was her Loolah!”
“I am your husband, I will keep you safe and I will do it by keeping my feet on this earth, breathing the air and being there to make you feel safe. Do you understand this?”
“He was a man who could have anything he wanted and if not, he was a man who was strong enough to take it.
Except one thing.
“I gave up a world for you.”
“Okay, there were a lot of uncomfortable conversations a person had to have in their life. When they broke up with someone, for one. When they fucked up and had to admit they were wrong, for another. But talking to a dude who had his balls cut off about his balls being cut off beat them all.”
“Oh dear,” Diandra muttered again as I looked down at the baby tiger in my arms. All I felt was the soft, thick fur of the cub, the pads of its cute, fluffy paws. All I saw was her proud nose and rounded ears and beautiful, pale blue eyes looking up at me with complete trust. Oh shit. I was in love.”
“You love the feel of me”
“"Your king did not break through with me until his touch stopped taking and started giving and until, in our cham, he treated me with kindness. He is the mightiest of Suh Tunak, recognized the battle he had on his hands, analyzed it, created his strategy and then he went about winning that battle using any means necessary. And, Zahnin," I edged closer and for the sake of this man who pledged to guard me even if it meant giving his life, who backed me against Dortak and who clearly wanted his wife to settle in her new life with him in his cham, I admitted to him at the same time I admitted to myself, "My Lahn won that battle. I now lay awake at night waiting for him to return. When he does not, I fall asleep looking forward to the morning when he will wake me with his hands. He is my King, He is my Warrior, He is my Husband and I am proud to say above all...He is MINE." ”
“My eyes flew open and when they did, his dark ones, not looking detached, not blank, not impassive, but heated and turned on and God, could it be? Totally freaking sexy.”
“If you’re given the opportunity to look deep enough, you can see a person’s spirit in their eyes but usually, they are guarded, kept safe. Not you, my tigress, the night of your claiming, even in the moonlight, I could see your spirit shining from your eyes. You hold your spirit close to the surface for all to behold and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”
“You’re my gold, nahna xaxsah is my hahnee rah. Kay jahnan nahna lisa, na uvan tee luh kay. Ana kay jahnan nahna pahnsahna, Circe. Kay nayeesan tee. Fahzah.
You’re my gold, your cunt is my liquid gold. I will have your mouth, you will give it to me. Then I will have your spirit, Circe. I will own it. Always.”
“He's a husband, he's a king, he's a man but remember above all, my queen, always remember, above all, he...is...a warrior.”
“I ask, in future, my tigress, that if you intend to be a warrior, you think like a warrior and that would mean, before you bare your claws or unsheathe your steel, you… actually… think.”
“Take me home, take me home, take me home, I need to go home. Please, please, whatever magic is out there for me, let it be at my command to take me home.”
“I am who I am, I am Korwahk, I am warrior, I am Dax and you must accept me as what I am. I may have forced my body on yours but I did not force your love, you gave it to me knowing who I am. As we live our lives, you cannot decide to disagree with parts of that and then decide to take your love away, Circe. I’ll not live like that. Therefore, you need to reflect on this, come to your peace with it and never, my golden queen, never request another such concession from me.”
“There are ways to get what you need out of your warrior. You just must be clever in finding them”
“And his hair was free, no ponytail, no braid, the long thickness of it waved and curled down his back, over his shoulders and next to his face. I felt my lungs start burning. Holy freaking moly… my husband was hot!”
“She had a certain way of looking at life which he took as a personal offense.”
“It is said that in death, all things become clear.”
“It sounded old. Deserve. Old and tired and beaten to death. Deserve. Now it seemed to him that he was always saying or thinking that he didn't deserve some bad luck, or some bad treatment from others. He'd told Guitar that he didn't "deserve" his family's dependence, hatred, or whatever. That he didn't even "deserve" to hear all the misery and mutual accusations his parents unloaded on him. Nor did he "deserve" Hagar's vengeance. But why shouldn't his parents tell him their personal problems? If not him, then who? And if a stranger could try to kill him, surely Hagar, who knew him and whom he'd thrown away like a wad of chewing gum after the flavor was gone––she had a right to try to kill him too.
Apparently he though he deserved only to be loved--from a distance, though--and given what he wanted. And in return he would be...what? Pleasant? Generous? Maybe all he was really saying was: I am not responsible for your pain; share your happiness with me but not your unhappiness.”
“I keep thinking about a tale my nurse used to read to me about a bird whose wings are pinned to the ground. In the end, when he finally frees himself, he flies so high he becomes a star. My nurse said the story was about how we all have something that keeps us down.”
“But was it not true that there were people, certain individuals, whom one found it impossible to picture dead, precisely because they were so vulgar? That was to say: they seemed so fit for life, so good at it, that they would never die, as if they were unworthy of the consecration of death.”
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