Bill Watterson · 254 pages
Rating: (18.9K votes)
“I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
“I'd hate to have a kid like me.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
“If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
“Girls are like slugs—they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
“I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
“Calvin: The more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action.
Once you are informed, you start seeing complexities and shades of gray.
You realize nothing is as clear as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing.
Being a man of action, I cannot afford to take that risk.
Hobbes: You're ignorant, but at least you act on it.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
“Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
“But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
“Barney's Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a plan
when his dad said "Eat your peas."
Barney shouted no and ran
Barney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellar
Barney's Mom never found out where he'd gone,
Cause Barney didn't tell her.
There his dad spent his life eating mice and gruel
With every bite for fifty years
he was sorry he'd been cruel”
― Bill Watterson, quote from The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
Bill Watterson
Born place: in Washington, D.C., The United States
Born date July 5, 1958
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“After that, we don’t talk, instead we get hammered. Shot after shot we down, chasing each one with a Little Debbie snack. Before we know it, we’re hanging on to the bar counter floating around in a sugar and alcohol coma, just the way I like it.
“There’s my girl,” Racer shouts as he topples off his stool and onto the floor, laughing hysterically. Georgie stops in her tracks and looks over at Emma, who’s standing next to her, both holding two boxes of Little Debbie snacks each.
“Emmmmmmmma,” Tucker drags out, waving his glass in the air. “You brought the snacks.”
“Oh, Jesus,” Emma mutters as she approaches us.
I point to my mouth and say, “Feed me. Daddy needs sugar.”
Racer is beside me, tangled in the pegs of his bar stool, still laughing. “Did you bring Oatmeal Pies, George? Please tell me you have the pies.”
“Uh, I think you’ve had enough for tonight,” she says, looking down at her boyfriend.
“Never!” Racer struggles to get up and finally knocks the chair over to free himself. “Fucking bitch chair, digging into me with its claws.” Talking to the stool directly he says, “I’m taken, warm someone else’s ass.”
“He’s going to propose, chair, leave him alone,” Tucker announces, causing me to cringe.
“Dude, don’t say it out loud.” I punch Tucker in the shoulder. “Georgie is right there.” All three of us turn to Georgie, who’s shaking her head in humor. Hopefully.
“I’ll take Aaron,” Emma tells Georgie. “Seems like Racer is more of a handful.”
“Hell yeah, I am.” Racer stumbles while cupping his crotch. “A giant handful.”
Georgie rolls her eyes. “And that’s our cue to leave.”
“But we didn’t eat our snacks.”
“Seems like you had enough.” Georgie grabs Racer by the hand. “Come on.”
As they walk away, Racer asks, “Want to have sex in the car?”
“Not even a little.”
“Here, you two, you can have your boxes of snacks.” Emma hands Tucker and me both a box of Oatmeal Pies that we clutch to our chests.
“You’re the best,” I admit.
“She is, isn’t she?” Tucker says. “I love her so fucking hard. Best wife ever.”
She pulls on both of our hands to get us moving. “She wins wife of the year award,” I announce. “Best wife goes to Emma. Can we get a round of applause?”
Tucker breaks open his Oatmeal Pies and starts spraying them like confetti. “Emma. Emma. Emma.” He chants, getting the three other patrons in the bar to join in.
I pump my fist as well, forgetting everything from earlier. I knew I could count on my guys.
“Emma. Emma. Emma . . .”
And then, everything fades to black. Emotions and feelings are non-existent as I pass out, just the way I like it. Just the way I need it.”
― Meghan Quinn, quote from The Other Brother
“You are very brave, Noa. Much, much braver than me. Living every day in the presence of those who refuse to acknowledge your humanity takes great courage.”
― Min Jin Lee, quote from Pachinko
“If country music has taught me anything, it's that getting drunk probably isn't the best method of dealing with heartbreak. But I'm a traditionalist" p. 202”
― Ruth Emmie Lang, quote from Beasts of Extraordinary Circumstance
“He wished . . . He didn’t know what he wished. That he hadn’t seen the intentions behind those honey-colored eyes of hers? That he hadn’t predicted her duplicity so easily? Or maybe, stupid as he was, he wished that he could stop himself from the inevitability of hurting her? But wishes were for children, and he’d grown up a long time ago. Only one of them could win this game, and it had to be him.”
― Lisa Maxwell, quote from The Last Magician
“The problem, however, is that I have yet to meet anyone, materialist or otherwise, who was able to dispense with value judgements. On the contrary, the literature of materialism is peculiarly marked by its wholesale profusion of denunciations of all sorts. Starting with Marx and Nietzsche, materialists have never been able to refrain from passing continuous moral judgement on all and sundry, which their whole philosophy might be expected to discourage them from doing.”
― Luc Ferry, quote from A Brief History of Thought: A Philosophical Guide to Living
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