Quotes from Tales of Sex & Suburban Lunacy

Helen Argiro ·  255 pages

Rating: (87 votes)


“No wonder there are so many people with eating disorders.It’s like this diet plan is being administered by the Gestapo.”
― Helen Argiro, quote from Tales of Sex & Suburban Lunacy


“To a woman, being married means you do not under any circumstances put your penis in another woman’s vagina. It also means no blowjobs, no oral, no anal, no phone sex, no sex of any kind, ever, with anyone other than your wife for as long as you’re married. As soon as you say ‘I do’, it means that where other women are concern ‘I don’t’ is the only correct response. If you play by these rules, you’re safe. If you don’t, we leave. It’s really that simple.”
― Helen Argiro, quote from Tales of Sex & Suburban Lunacy


“When a guy says he's a 'simple man', what he's really telling you is he's cheap.”
― Helen Argiro, quote from Tales of Sex & Suburban Lunacy


“In the suburbs lust thrives and flourishes like an epidemic of lawn grubs during a heat wave.”
― Helen Argiro, quote from Tales of Sex & Suburban Lunacy


“Having sex with your neighbour is not a good idea. Not under any circumstances, nothing good will come of it. It’s a cliché. It’s a soap opera. It’s a bad made for TV movie.”
― Helen Argiro, quote from Tales of Sex & Suburban Lunacy



“It’s really hard to be turned on by a man who shows up for a date in corduroy pants and big white walking shoes that look as though he’s shoved his feet inside of two giant pillows.”
― Helen Argiro, quote from Tales of Sex & Suburban Lunacy


“And so it was on the second Thursday of September, these five men kissed their spouses and children good-bye and climbed aboard the rented RV for a fun filled weekend of golfing, drinking, taking drugs and having sex with women who were not their wives.”
― Helen Argiro, quote from Tales of Sex & Suburban Lunacy


“When a guy says he’s ‘a simple man’ what he’s really telling you is he’s cheap," Madeline said.”
― Helen Argiro, quote from Tales of Sex & Suburban Lunacy


About the author

Helen Argiro
Born place: Toronto, Canada
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Popular quotes

“You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.”
― Truman Capote, quote from Breakfast at Tiffany's


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“At grief so deep the tongue must wag in vain; the language of our sense and memory lacks the vocabulary of such pain.”
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“What is going on with you?" she says, shaking her head and pushing me away. "What's up with all the love and affection? I mean, you of all people, you of the eternal iPod-hoodie combo.”
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“And if you wish to receive of the ancient city an impression with which the modern one can no longer furnish you, climb--on the morning of some grand festival, beneath the rising sun of Easter or of Pentecost--climb upon some elevated point, whence you command the entire capital; and be present at the wakening of the chimes. Behold, at a signal given from heaven, for it is the sun which gives it, all those churches quiver simultaneously. First come scattered strokes, running from one church to another, as when musicians give warning that they are about to begin. Then, all at once, behold!--for it seems at times, as though the ear also possessed a sight of its own,--behold, rising from each bell tower, something like a column of sound, a cloud of harmony. First, the vibration of each bell mounts straight upwards, pure and, so to speak, isolated from the others, into the splendid morning sky; then, little by little, as they swell they melt together, mingle, are lost in each other, and amalgamate in a magnificent concert. It is no longer anything but a mass of sonorous vibrations incessantly sent forth from the numerous belfries; floats, undulates, bounds, whirls over the city, and prolongs far beyond the horizon the deafening circle of its oscillations.

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